Is there anything offensive about this post?

amother

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:07 am

I posted this on a group and am wondering if its offensive as I received a reply that said it was.. there was no offense intended..

Anonymous wrote:

does anyone know about the iriya ganim on _____? where they are located? what religious status?does anyone know of a gan near _____? hebrew speaking, preferably not chareidi, and affordable.

reply I received

LadyWatchingOutForOthers wrote:

This might be offensive to some people. Would you be offended if someone wrote "preferably not dati leumi, mizrachi, chardal, or whatever category you might put yourself in. Next time try putting in what you DO want instead of what you don't.

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:12 am

I would reply that the way you phrased it does not limit the suggestions, you prefer 'not charadi', but if there were no other option, or the charedi one was the most nurturing loving one and the other DL one was less desirable, you would still want to hear about it.

MommyZ

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:12 am

I don't think it's offensive but I'm not charedi. I would surmise that the op was open to different kinds of schools but not to charedi schools.

Suppose it was not schools but dresses. The op writes I'm looking for a dress but I don't want a green dress we would think maybe she's open to blue or pink or grey or black but specifically doesn't want green. What if the people who really love green dresses are offended? Well then they can wear their green dresses and the people who don't like green dresses can wear other colors.

zipporah

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:16 am

amother wrote:

I posted this on a group and am wondering if its offensive as I received a reply that said it was.. there was no offense intended..

Anonymous wrote:

does anyone know about the iriya ganim on _____? where they are located? what religious status?does anyone know of a gan near _____? hebrew speaking, preferably not chareidi, and affordable.

reply I received

LadyWatchingOutForOthers wrote:

I was thinking about it... and I think 's preferable to say what you want (see? not "it's not preferable to say what you don't want" LOL

)

Like if I want a woman OB/GYN, I'd say preferably a woman, not preferably not a man...

But it's not so big a deal... as long as you don't say "preferably not those nasty *whatever it is* and most certainly not "absolutely no *whatever*

zipporah

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:20 am

MommyZ wrote:

dresses don't have feelings... if you said preferably "no green people", it might be clearer how it could be taken for offensive..."

MommyZ

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:20 am

zipporah wrote:

amother wrote:

I posted this on a group and am wondering if its offensive as I received a reply that said it was.. there was no offense intended..

Anonymous wrote:

does anyone know about the iriya ganim on _____? where they are located? what religious status?does anyone know of a gan near _____? hebrew speaking, preferably not chareidi, and affordable.

reply I received

LadyWatchingOutForOthers wrote:

I was thinking about it... and I think 's preferable to say what you want (see? not "it's not preferable to say what you don't want" LOL

faigie

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 3:50 pm

not offensive. you didnt say chareidi is "ich" so you dont want that, you just asked that this specific hashkafa of gan not be included in your list.
the responder put her own impressions into your writing, but it wasnt there to begin with..

Merrymom

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 4:45 pm

This is where I say "Oy, pleeeeeeese". Ladies, too much time on our hands, really if this is all we can bicker about although OP you shouldn't have posted the woman's sn who pm'd you.

whoami

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 5:55 pm

imamama wrote:

Quote:

OP you shouldn't have posted the woman's sn who pm'd you.

I don't think it's a real sn.

She said she posted this on a group. So it was not this site and that poster is not here...(??)

life'sgreat

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 6:40 pm

zipporah wrote:

I was thinking about it... and I think 's preferable to say what you want (see? not "it's not preferable to say what you don't want" LOL

The comparison with the OB/GYN is fallacious because there aren't about a million genders, so it's easier to cut it down to saying I prefer female. However, with different sectors of Judaism, they are so nuanced, so saying not chareidi does define a bit more of what she wants.

Soul on fire

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 10:13 pm

I don't find it offensive but there isn't much that does offend me...maybe if it said...preferably no FrumMamaPa...lol...but I don't think stating things you don't want is so terrible. It's probably a shorter list so easier for OP to write rather than...the following are acceptable....a, b, c, d, e, f, etc.

bubby

Mon, Aug 23 2010, 11:07 pm

Merrymom wrote:

This is where I say "Oy, pleeeeeeese". Ladies, too much time on our hands, really if this is all we can bicker about although OP you shouldn't have posted the woman's sn who pm'd you.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Fri, Sep 03 2010, 6:55 am

Why should anyone be offended by OP's statement? "preferably not chareidi" simply means that she doesn't belong to this group. It's just like saying, I don't want to daven in a chassidishe shul, I'd prefer... What's the big deal? If someone is offended by this, I agree with Merrymom.