Children--clean up!!

wannagrow

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:15 pm

I feel like I need to remind them all day long and it's not only driving me nuts but starting to make me feel extremely guilty.
It really hit home when my daughter had a project to make that involved making "mitzvah cards." I.e I was able to ask her to do something for me anytime and all I had to do was present one of these cards. All of them had something to do with household work!
I feel it is very important for children to learnt the importance of cleaniness and organization but I also know that I come from a home where my mother was slightly neurotic in the area (and still is) and I know I am her in that sense.
How much shoudl I stress it? I hate it when I get angry at the kids for spilling something. I wish I was that upset when they forgot to say a bracha.
Their ages are 9, 7, 5. Any experience?

flowerpower

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:20 pm

I have certain things that they must do and very consistant with those things.

They have to throw out the plate after they finish eating.
They have to put clothes in the hamper at the end of the day.
They have to throw out the wrappers when they finish their snack.
They have to clean up (at least one) toy when they are done playing-the rest I help clean up with them.
They must put their shoes near the wall at night.

bobeli

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 10:45 pm

I don't care about neatines so much, but I do care about the chinuch of my kids so if they spill something I make them clean up (sort of because they are small and I do most of it)
when they have to may toys on the floor I ask them to pick it up, whatever is left I get to keep put away for a week on a box)
when they want to help with some of the housework I let them even if sometimes means more work, or I include them in it. they get a "windex" (read water) and shmate to clean their play kitchen, we have kid size brooms, etc.
try to make it an activity or fun for them.
on shabes we "surprise" DH with the table set when he comes from shul, so they help or I make them feel special when they bring something like the mayo to the table.
don't forget to provide means for them to succeed, like a special garbage dish if they eat something like pistachios or whatever it is to make it in to a habit to clean up after.
if any of the kids finished what he ate and wants something else I ask for the used plate in exchange of the desert or treat.
it helps to praise when they do it and to praise adults too (DH, in laws, etc) so they see is a praise worthy thing.

shanie5

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:13 pm

I would love a neat and orderly house-I doubt I wo=ill ever have one. I always keep in mind what one woman said to me when she came to visit and I apologized for the mess.

"My son and DIL did not have children for 10 years, and their house was neat. He B"H now has a house full of children and toys and stuff all over the place. They are much happier with a messy house!"

groisamomma

Sun, Aug 15 2010, 11:19 pm

shanie5 wrote:

LOL my mil says that to when I try to excuse my kids' mess Very Happy

RachelB

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 2:42 am

I expect my kids to put away their clothes, toys, plates (yes, even the 3 year old).
They also dust, sweep, clean up the toys before Shabbat, put their clean clothes in the drawers and sometimes organize the dresser drawers (of course I reorganize them every month or so).
They also help me change the linens on their beds.
They don't do an amazing hob, but it teaches them seder.
I always make a point of explaining that they are not doing it for me, but we all pitch in b/c we like to live in an orderly house, it's them who control the environment.
Our house is not sparkling, but we try to keep it more or less clutter free.

groisamomma

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 2:47 am

Several months ago, my 4-yr-old told me she wants to go live at a certain neighbor's house "because they have a clean house." I told her that if Mommy had her help, we can keep the house clean together. She was dead serious and she really cleans up after her toys and things. Of course, I buckled down to business really fast.

Three days ago, in all seriousness, she told me that she loves our house "because it's the cleanest house on the block."

She's soooo funny sometimes!

Kayza

Mon, Aug 16 2010, 3:03 am

wannagrow wrote:

I hate it when I get angry at the kids for spilling something.

They are all old enough to clean up after themselves, and the 7 and 9 year old are also old enough to help with more general household cleanup. Be consistent and create the kind of consequences that minimize nagging (eg toys that are not cleaned up get put away for two weeks, as another poster suggested). However, getting angry at them for spilling something seems to me to have strayed into the neurotic territory. Of course, they have to clean up any spill, but unless they have been really careless, keep calm (if you do get angry, keep it to yourself), and do not pour for them.

wannagrow

Thu, Aug 19 2010, 1:56 pm

OP here- so I'm in agreement with all of the above, but then bascally, it transaltes into reminding them constantly when they're home and I feel bad about it...
I do resolve not to get upset over spills and the like.

wannagrow

Sun, Sep 19 2010, 12:04 pm

OP hee again-- I'm losing it again! Eveything they touch is left as is. It's driving me nuts! Should I just spare the anger and do it myself or kkeep reminding them constantly? One room is clean and then they go to the next and make a mess there...

zigi

Sun, Sep 19 2010, 1:13 pm

that makes me crazy, I think that I will focus on clean up the house at the end of the day for toys, b/c there is always one kid who keeps on taking things out.

but if you are doing a project please clean up after yourself.

yo'ma

Sun, Sep 19 2010, 1:47 pm

wannagrow wrote:

If you see something not put away and you see them playing with something else, make them stop and not continue until the other thing is put away. Even take the other thing away if necessary. They'll get the idea after awhile, but they will need reminders here and there.

imabima

Sun, Sep 19 2010, 2:12 pm

groisamomma wrote:

My 4 year old said the same thing. Glad it's not just me... Wink

SingALong

Sun, Sep 19 2010, 10:28 pm

I expect them to clean up after themselves most of the time, but I try to be realistic as possible. I have 2 DD ages 3 years and 6 years.

-clothing in the hamper, although I do need to nag sometimes.
-clean up 1-2 toys in playroom before bedtime
-put plate in sink/garbage, someitmes.

if friends are here they share in cleaning toys too. if a have a frew kids and a huge mess, everyone picks 1-2 things to clean and when the playroom looks relatively decent, everyone gets a small treat.
on teh flip side, if DD age 6 is joining friends to play something and will miss it if I hold her back to clean up, then I let it go or allow her to do it later. so it depends on the situation. also if bedtime is running late, I just would rather put the clothes in the hamper myself than nag them to do it.