should I let dh have the second name as well?

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 11:53 am

little complicated story here.
my first child is named after dh's gradfather. now that we're expecting the second, iyh, if its a boy, no question its going to be my grandfather. the issue is if its a girl. I didnt take any sonos, so I have no way of knowing.
dh and I both bh have maternal grandmothers, both of us dont have paternal grandmothers. our grandmothers each had 2 names, but one of the two is the same. meaning, we can only name after one of the grandmothers. however, we also both dont have paternal grandfathers. dh is named after his paternal grandfather, so we can never give his name. so if I name after my grandmother, then that means that dh will never be able to name any of our kids after either of his fathers parents (although he does carry his grandfathers name). I think I would feel bad taking both names from my fathers side, when he doesnt have either. however, theres no guarantee we'll have more boys or any more anything for that matter. obviously, this is all theoretical, cause the most practical thing would be to have a boy, but being that is not our choice, what should I do?
I hope this whole long story makes. any advice would be great.

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 11:55 am

You say one of these names was the same? So if you have Doba Lea and Lea Esther do Doba Lea Esther!

saw50st8

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 12:00 pm

I think Ruchel's idea is a good compromise.

Otherwise, how about each of their individual names? So (to use Ruchels names) Doba Esther.

amother

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 12:02 pm

op here, that would be perfect. except, that we dont beleive in mixing or separating names. when you change the name, its changing the individual.

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 12:04 pm

Ask your rav first, explaining the situation.

If he says as you say, then maybe he'll alow one dd to be Doba Lea and the other to be Lea Esther?

saw50st8

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 12:05 pm

Then I would go with which name you like more.

We sort of had this problem - my fathers name was Meir Pinchas. DH's grandfather was Meir. So we named him Meir Pinchas. His grandmother doesn't hold by changing names, but we do. In our mind, our son is named for my father, DHs grandfather and my grandfathers nephew (Pinchas) who was killed in the holocaust.

But DH can never name a child "just" after his grandfather nor does his grandmother recognize it.

louche

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 12:32 pm

Op, can you use made-up names as examples? You lost me after "we can only name after one of the grandmothers"

LiLIsraeli

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 5:27 pm

I had a friend with a similar situation. She was debating between two names, for example Chaim Ahron and Ahron Leib. They asked R' Chaim Kanievsky who said name all three - Chaim Ahron Leib!

I understood from your post that you are not willing to do this - but the point I was trying to bring out was that this is a question for a Rav that you and DH both respect.

the world's best mom

Wed, Oct 20 2010, 5:36 pm

I think this needs to be a decision made by you and your husband together, along with a Rav if necessary. Maybe he'll be happy to use your grandmother's name. Maybe he thinks it's a nicer name. If he is very against using your grandmother's name, then it's probably a good idea to let him have his way, since you don't sound like you're so adamant not to.