Should I tell her?

amother

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 8:54 am

My child has a mild medical condition that requires some follow up. I will need to leave my kids by a neighbor for one night because of this. I feel that we should explain ourselves to the neighbor why we need a favor from her, and my husband prefers to keep the situation under wraps for as long as possible.

What do I do?

mae1984

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 8:57 am

Why does he want to keep it quiet? Having help and support from family, friends and neighbours makes all the difference in feeling that you can cope

mamommommy

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 8:57 am

I don't think that you need to justify the reason that you're asking for a favor, although your neighbor will probably realize something is up when you leave her all of your children but one.

amother

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 9:01 am

He feels that more Bracha comes when something is hidden from the eye. We asked a Sheila and I was told not too tell the whole world about it, but I can share the information with a few people if I feel that it would take off some of the stress from me. I cannot decide if this falls under that category.

Sherri

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 9:39 am

So- would telling her take stress off of you?

Some things to think about: Is this someone you would be getting help from often, and you would feel comfortable with her knowing the situation, or is this a one-time thing and you'd rather keep your privacy?

In terms of her having to know for her sake- I don't think it's necessary. I think it's just if it would be easier on you.

Fox

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 11:32 am

In my own experience, misplaced privacy often backfires. Presumably, your neighbor is not stupid. She will obviously notice that you are taking one child out and leaving the others. Even if she is not a busybody, she will probably assume that some type of medical and/or therapeutic activity is going on.

However, her imagination may be much more severe than the reality, and you don't want that! Better to explain in a low-key way what the issue is and that you're not advertising it for various reasons. If you seem unfazed by the situation and you ask for her discretion, she'll probably be happy to comply.

In the meantime, you won't have the burden of making up ever more elaborate excuses, and you won't face a potentially awkward situation if/when your neighbor eventually learns the truth and perhaps feels that you didn't trust her.