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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry

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rovacat

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 8:43 am

I had consistent cleaning help this year for the first time. I have 3 kids, and lots of guests on shabbos. I am a sahm. I had her once a week for 3-4 hours, and it was amazing. she did the floors, kitchen, bathrooms, and changed my linens. it was soooo nice. she left me a month ago, and I'm on my own again. I'm managing, but it's challenging to keep things clean at the level that I feel good with.
when I have cleaning help, it gives me peace of mind, and I can spend more time with my kids rather than clean.

tikva18

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 8:59 am

saw50st8 wrote:

amother wrote:

When I grew up my father used to tell me and my siblings that if we want to be fed, clothed and have a roof over our heads then we absolutely have to help out. Let me tell you we kids helped a ton and I am a firm believer that children should participate in daily chores. Of course within reason but helping out is an absolute must.

As for me, SAHM, 2 very young kids and a third on the way. My dh works long hours and isn't home too much to lend a helping hand. I have a cleaning lady come in the beginning of the week for about 10 hrs and then b4 shabbos for another 3 hrs, and pay her $10 per hour.

On this site pple get crucified for having outside help (yeah I'm a coward) but for me, the piece of mind is worth it. And my dh wholeheartedly agrees. B"h we can afford it right now so it's not like I'm racking up cc debt in lieu.

The only people I "crucify" for having cleaning help are those relying on tzedaka (including scholarships) and getting cleaning help, provided they are normal and have basic abilities (I think people with illnesses, disabilities etc don't count).

Otherwise, do what you want.

So tell me, how does one afford cleaning help if they are paying a minimum of $11,000 per child for tuition - saying they have at least 4 or 5 kids - that's $44- 55,000 alone. One of my kid's tuition is over $20,000/year excluding boarding - that's another $500/month. What doesn't a family do? eat?
ftr, I do not have cleaning help, nor do I send my children to camp, nor do we do field trips as a family to 'fun' places, nor do we go to pesach hotels or anything else.

Tamiri

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 9:02 am

You need to research the "how do they do it" threads.
A synopsis
(1) they make enough money
(2) they don't make enough money but deem cleaning help worth it so they borrow, beg or steal for the other necessities in life (cleaning help MUST be paid otherwise they won't show up)
(3) their parents pay
(4) a combo of above.
(5) get it free if their circumstances warrant it (from the government or something).

If you can't afford it, don't think about it and don't compare to others. That's life

saw50st8

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 9:04 am

Tikva, in many cases they ask for scholarships. And they ask for enough to cover cleaning help and newer leased cars and stuff like that.

A small percentage of people earn enough money to send all their kids to private school and afford life's luxuries. Cleaning help, for most people, is a luxury.

One reason DH and I waiver on getting cleaning help is that its so hard to stop once you start.

sneakermom

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 9:16 am

I grew up with a lot of cleaning help and missed it keenly when I got married. At this point, many years later and with little kids underfoot, working part time, and being pregnant I finally did get cleaning help and I thank G-d for it! It has literally changed my life.

For example, my walls are now clean, the fan in my kitchen sparkles, the inside of my cabinets are shining and I am calmer because I have more time for my kids and family.

Tamiri - I salivate the way you describe how you keep your house clean. I love that. Clean is gorgeous. But honestly you have to be wired a certain way, to keep on top of it the way you do. Nature plays a big part here. As well as habit, how you were raised. In any case I have a couple of slobby habits...and love clean....talk about contradictions.

Personally I think cleaning ladies go to gan eden....they bring peace onto this world!

amother

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 9:26 am

tikva18 wrote:

It seems to me that most people here have cleaning help and are astounded when they find out I don't have any.
Currently I'm finding it very, very difficult to manage - I can't clean early for Shabbos because my kids undo everything. I can't cook early for shabbos because my dh likes to do the shopping and brings it when he wants. I also can't freeze for shabbos because we buy a lot in bulk (bread, meat, etc) and I don't have room - and I have 3 freezers (one in the fridge and 2 small ones in the garage).
My kids aren't helping me at all - and I just don't know where I went wrong. Here we've had a couple of snow days and I told the kids that if they helped me clean up we'd do something fun and I'd give them a treat - nothing, nada. I'm clearly doing something wrong. Now I'm sitting at the end of Thursday - and my house is a mess, my laundry isn't done (they made a mess - a big one - in the laundry room), I haven't started cooking - and my kids (the big ones) are still up.

Feel free to ignore - I think I'm having a pity party.

When I was in a similar position I took the kids to a sitter. Cost less than hiring a cleaning lady.
You must really live in the sticks if you need all those freezers for bulk food and can't spare room.

amother

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 9:26 am

amother wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

Sorry, I can't edit. Maybe your freezers are smaller than I think. Sorry about that.

tikva18

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 10:59 am

amother wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

Right - all 3 freezers are quite small. I told dh when he got them from craigslist that it would have been a lot better to get one big one, but he chose to do this instead.

I can't afford a sitter. I'm not getting cleaning help; I'm just having a couple of bad days since my house is a disaster and I can't get ahead. I usually am quite upbeat.
I love clean and organized - I move my couches every single time I vacuum the living room. I keep my spices alphabetized, I keep things in my pantry organized by type and in neat columns and rows. I keep my tops and skirts organized in my closet by color.
My dh is, shall we say, cleaning challenged - he tries to help sometimes, but he'll put in a lot of effort and make very little difference. My kids just won't help. Some of them flat out refuse. What am I supposed to do with that? not clean their room for them? I did that one summer and they were down to just a couple of pieces of clothes. not feed them? doesn't work. Take away privileges? there aren't many things that they do that they find being a privilege - no t.v. or videos (we don't do that), not going places - we don't do that, no going out to a restaurant - can't do that due to allergies. I keep their toys locked in rubbermaid containers in the playroom - if they want a toy then they can ask me - I'll take it out and they'll put the previous one away.
Feel free to not respond - just having a bad day.
Sorry, I can't edit. Maybe your freezers are smaller than I think. Sorry about that.

saw50st8

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:03 am

Don't clean thier rooms for them. Make it their responsibility. You may have to lower your expectations of what clean in their room is.

How old are they? They are probably old enough to help with laundry to a degree.

Give them chores. If they say no, say fine but explain to them that not doing chores will have consequences. Earlier bedtime. Groundings on the weekend (no friends). Stuff like that. Age appropriate fo course.

flowerpower

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:04 am

I started after my first kid. I worked ft and needed the extra once a week to wash up the house well. Now a few years later with a few kids and still working I have on wed for three hours. All she does is wash up every room and the walls......gets a nice predinner meal and like forty bucks....

I cook some things thursday afternoon and rest eight am friday. By ten am friday it's relaxing till the holy day!

tikva18

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:10 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I made them clean their rooms yesterday - still not done though. My kids don't have any outside friends Sad

- . I could count on one hand the number of times my 12 yr old has gone to a friend. My 9 yr old has very few friends as well - and rarely gets to see his one friend. My twins have each other. My oldest isn't even supposed to be here.

saw50st8

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:13 am

So what do they do after their homework? Do they read for fun?

Also, have them help you learn to cook. Aside from being a great skill to teach them, you get extra bonding time with them.

Chayalle

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:32 am

I'm one of those people that manage without cleaning help for the most part, but I did get a cleaning lady when I was pg. Where I live they come and go - whenever I had someone, she left back to Mexico or wherever after a few months (If I was lucky she lasted that long!) so I never felt locked in and don't have to worry about getting rid of the help when I don't need it anymore.

I love clean too, and I feel calmer when everything is nice and clean, but I'm learning to lower my expectations at specific times. For exampe, I know that I'll just drive myself bananas wanting clean on a snow day. The kids keep busy traipsing in and out and leaving tracks of muddy snow, gloves, wet socks, etc..and at the end of the day we clean up. Othewise I'm chasing my own tail.

I find that my kids will clean up if I clean with them. Sending them to their room to clean it is like telling them to have a fight with each other (she's bossing me! She tells me what to do! She doesn't help and doesn't do anything! Waaa!) Instead I say we are all going to your room now to clean it...now we are all going to straighten up the living room...etc....we go from room to room.

We enter the room and I give out jobs: Honey, please make your bed. You, pick up all the socks from the floor. Rivka is going to clean up the cards. Sarah, could you please hang up those shirts....etc...I'm the manager and they will carry out tasks. This usually works better than leaving it up to them to sort it out...uneless it's just a few items. I don't necessarily need to stay there the whole time, but I usually need to help them break down what needs to be done.

Hatzlacha to all of you.

eschaya

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 11:58 am

I work full time and have three kids (oldest of whom is 6). I have cleaning help for 4 hours a week, two hours twice. She does the bathrooms and the kitchen one day, and folds the week's worth of laundry the other day. It's not enough to keep my house spotless (or even clean and neat), but its a help and most definitely worth it, and this point it is what we can afford, so that's that. I pay her $10 an hour, and I share her with a few other families so she ends up working quite a bit.

PinkFridge

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 12:29 pm

[q I pay her $10 an hour, and I share her with a few other families so she ends up working quite a bit.[/quote]

Interesting way to phrase that. Does she live in your house, do you sponsor her here, or what? Because otherwise she's just like any free-lancer, right, except that she works for you for those four specific hours?

tikva18

Fri, Feb 04 2011, 12:54 pm

saw50st8 wrote:

So what do they do after their homework? Do they read for fun?

Also, have them help you learn to cook. Aside from being a great skill to teach them, you get extra bonding time with them.

My little ones don't have homework yet, my 9 yr old is homeschooled, my 12 yr old has some issues yet to be defined and stays after school to do his homework. He gets home around 5:30 which is when I serve dinner - bedtime is shortly thereafter.

My 2 big ones do a little cooking already.
and yes, everyone reads for fun. In order to help them better manage their room, I did something incredibly cruel (to me) - I took their bookcase out of the bedroom since they were having trouble putting the books back. We now have a reading nook in the basement where 2 bookcases are next to each other in an L (one is built in and the other is from their room). Their bedroom is supposed to contain only clothing and bedding, but things invariably end up there. maybe it would be better if I didn't have so many kids in one room. My little girl's room is usually fine.

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