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Forum -> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections -> The Imamother Writing Club
Malachim



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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2011, 1:30 pm
I recently read the first "Mountain Climbers" book. It is amazing. At the end, she has a poem that is really beautiful and makes a great point. However, the vocabulary is very high which made it difficult to understand the poem well. I decided to write my own version, with simpler language. I used her rhyme scheme, because I liked that very much, though I have a couple of extra syllables per line. I do not have the book with me, so I wasn't copying very exactly, but the idea was hers.

My Malachim

I lay in bed dreaming;
Of a room that is teeming,
Full of Malachim; a sight to behold.
Each one’s face is beaming.
There’s special light gleaming.
The angels’ great splendor; too much to be told.

Angels stunningly dressed
In suits surely the best.
Like so many kings in royal attire.
I begin to wonder;
This can’t be a blunder;
In whose merit were made these angels of fire?

I ask, “Who gets the credit?
You are here in whose merit?”
The angels answer, “This was all done for you!”
“For me? But how could that be?
It’s impossible to see.
I can’t believe that your words could be true.”

“Every Mitzvah you do
Builds a Malach for you,
No matter how big or how small it may be.
All the effort you show
When you struggle and grow
Makes all the clothes we are wearing, you see.”

What we have to understand
Whether lending friends a hand
Or struggling to heed Hashem’s command;
No struggle goes to waste;
Every effort that we’ve faced
Is treasured by the One who created each man.
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robynm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2011, 2:40 pm
can I say what I really feel?
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2011, 2:41 pm
Please do.
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robynm




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2011, 2:46 pm
# 1 I did not like her book at all ( but that could be just me )

I feel like its missing something. and im very willing to admit that it could be me. me thats lacking and not ur poem. but I just cant connect. it feels very on the surface and doesnt hit me deep. and maybe that was ur intention. I dont know?
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 23 2011, 2:51 pm
I felt that her book was well written ,but ths stories sometimes seemed to blend todether as one.

I did not mean for the poem to be detached. Maybe hers was better, but I can't compare because I don't have hers- I borrowed it and returned it already.
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