Child's b-day party- wwyd?

amother

Mon, May 02 2011, 9:25 pm

My ds (18 months) goes to the park with the nanny every morning. There is usually the same group of toddlers there every day with their nannies, and they're almost like a class. So today the nanny handed me a birthday party invitation from one of his "park friends." The party is on Shabbos, and they are having live musical entertainment. The nanny told me this child is Jewish, but "not like you."

Obviously I do not plan on attending the party. My question is, am I required to RSVP or send a gift? There is no email address, only a phone number. I have never met this child's mother, or spoken to her. I don't mind calling to wish happy birthday and thanking her for the invite, but in that case, would I be expected to send a gift? I haven't even met the child in person, only seen pictures that the nanny sends me every once in a while.

What's the etiquette here?

(PS I am told this kid is in love with my ds. . . first thing she says when she wakes up from her nap is his name LOL

)

Isramom8

Mon, May 02 2011, 9:33 pm

Maybe call and thank her, and say that you have other plans for that time (such as observing Shabbos). And say that you think it's nice that the children enjoy playing together. I don't know that I'd send a gift. If anything, an inexpensive one along with the nanny to the park.

Raisin

Tue, May 03 2011, 4:53 am

I have made many birthday parties for my kids and no one sends gifts if their kids can't come. maybe once it happened, but it is certainly not expected.

certainly rsvp. maybe arrange to get together another time if you like and have time.

shoshina

Tue, May 03 2011, 7:03 am

RSVP so the mother knows how many cupcakes etc she needs. If there is no number or email address, ask your nanny to tell her at the park. There is certainly no need to send a gift to a toddlers birthday party you didn't attend!

flowerpower

Thu, May 12 2011, 8:50 am

Marion wrote:

It's a birthday party, not a wedding. RSVP that you're not coming (basic manners) but no need to send a gift.

Agreed. If you want to be extra nice you can send a little gift like a cute book wrapped up with the nanny to the park.