ADD mother with ADHD child

lillyislaughing

Wed, May 18 2011, 11:49 am

hi...

I'm in need of help! I'm a ADD mother with an ADHD child. I am widowed. my daughter is 6yrs old.
she's my only child, well kind of. I'm the other child of the family... or at least I feel that way.

I do not get along with my parents. I'm the black sheep.. the one who isn't succesful (or can spell)... I was told at my docs that "they don't medicate for home". mind you, my daughter is overly friendly... has an extreme amount of self confidence, is popular in school and does well... and all I'm asking for is a very low dose of ritalin or something for just a few hours a few times a week... **NOT DAILY**

I myself, can not take ritalin, I have anxiety. strattera, is not covered where I am. behavioural thereapy, won't work, as I have no car, and running every place by foot or bus and can not be home at a certain hour daily.

I do not have to look for things to do. I have laundry, that needs to get put away, laundry that needs to get hung out.. laundry, that has been hanging out, that needs to get re-washed because of bird poop. I don't know when the last time I did my floors... I work... and by the time we get home, I'm pooped out... and can barely move. both my daughter and I are suffering from this. to be blunt- it sucks! I hate it and so does she.

I get so incredibly frustrated with my daughter and yet at the same time I'm sooooooo angry with myself because I know what she's experiencing. at least, she is verbal about it in a clear way, where I, at the same age, couldn't verbalize anything to save my life- except I wanted my parents to listen to me. even now, they don't listen to me....

life right now is so over whelming, and I'm soooo tired by it, that I could find a place on the pavement and crash and sleep for hours.

I have no car, now dishwasher, no laundry dryer- with all of those 3 things that can save a person nearly 4 to 5hrs in a day... time wise... by the time we get home, I'm too pooped to move.

I see my own daughter worrying a lot about me... and it bothers me! I'm supposed to worry about her. I'm her mother. she's dependent on me, not the other way around.

what am I supposed to do? friday nights consist of- candle lighting, kiddush, hamotiz and then we pass out. we leave a radio on so we don't go nuts from the quiet.

I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and burnt out beyond belief!

Isramom8

Wed, May 18 2011, 12:10 pm

It's normal that a parent gets frustrated with a quality a child has that the parent also has. You'd expect to be more understanding because you get it, but really, you just don't want to face it in someone else too.

Plenty of doctors in Israel do believe in medicating a child for ADHD 24/7. Your challenges with your daughter are not when she is in school - they are when she is home. So she needs to be managed with medication at home too.

I hope you can find a doctor who will understand how not medicating at home is compromising the quality of home life for you and your child. Because single parenting and laundry is a full time job in itself, so how can you also have energy for all the added challenges of a child with ADHD?

lillyislaughing

Wed, May 18 2011, 1:12 pm

after my daughter and I go through arguments, I sit her down on me, and look at her eye to ey, and applogize to her for getting angry at something I KNOW she CAN'T HELP!....

I hate my self for getting so irritated with some of her behaviour! the worst of it is, is that I have to do things to the extreme in ordered for her to get the message.

age 3, she refused to wear jumpers during the winter months.. so on when trouser, shoes, socks, and her coat! yup, no shirt. or jumper on her.. (it was in her bag for school) but I was to tired to argue with her. she then learned her lesson. .... or so we thought.

the following year, she moaned about her sandals.. so, on went shorts, skirt, shirt... yup!.. no shoes. again in her bag... and again, she learned not to argue with me.

she hates fighting me, I hate fighting with her. I hate confrontation to the core of my being!

am I missing something the docs aren't telling me? I DON'T WANT TO medicate her 24/7. she doesn't need it... at least now, she doesn't need it. all I'm asking for is a bit of help. all these psychologists will see is one tired burnt out to the core mommy.... with no where to turn.

what is wrong with wanting to only having to ask your child 5 times instead of 20 times to put on their shoes.... AM I ASKING FOR SO MUCH? when something hurts her, we'll try every other solution before I pull out acamol or advil... on both sides of the family, (not I) but my sister had issues with drugs... my late husband, had 2 brothers, whom had issues, one with drugs and one with alcohol.. my late husband, also had issues with alcohol.... so, giving my daughter meds- actually scares me. yet on the other hand, I also know the benefits, of it ....

what am I missing here?