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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
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 Tue, Jun 21 2011, 6:19 pm
My sister in law gave my daughter a linen set as an appreciation gift for a lot of help she did for her. DD doesn't like the set. This is not necessarily a problem, I can use it for my younger kids. SIL now called while DD was in school and asked if she loved the gift. I lied and said she did, although she might have detected a lack of enthusiasm in my voice. She is now eagerly awaiting for DD to call her.
My question is, is it right to lie when being asked directly? I feel deceitful if SIL meant to please DD, but giving it to the other kids - maybe she would have wanted me to exchange it. But I also feel like it's rude to say she doesn't like it. What is the right thing to do?
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amother
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 6:26 pm
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she should never have asked if the gift was liked. I hate when people put you into awkward situations like this
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SV
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 6:49 pm
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Can you phrase it in a way that shows hakaras hatov but without actually saying that she liked it? Like "we really appreciated the gift and are looking forward to using it" or something like that. And I agree, asking someone if they liked your gift is not the most tactful thing.
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obagys
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 6:55 pm
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Assuming the set isn't hideous but simply not your daughter's taste/style, she can say something like "It's a beautiful set! The colors are so pretty! Thanks so much for getting me a gift!" Notice there is nothing in there to make the comment personal that your daughter likes it - she is merely commenting on the item itself and thanking SIL for her thoughtfulness without admitting that she doesn't like it.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 7:01 pm
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I also wonder what people are thinking when they ask this. What would they want you to say? You are stuck, either you really like it or you have to lie. A much better thing would be to simply say "I really hope she likes it"
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SunshineWoman
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 7:11 pm
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amother
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Tue, Jun 21 2011, 7:55 pm
OP here.
Thanks a lot for the suggestions! I'll advise to dd express her appreciation but be vague about whether she liked it.
And now that you mention it, I do see that it's not a tactful thing on her part to ask. I didn't think of it like that, but I guess she did put us in this spot. SIL is a great person but tact is not her strong point.
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