do you think this was rude of her?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Do you think this was rude of her?

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amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 2:49 pm

I am studying at university. today I went to knock on a teacher's door and she was not in her office so I was standing there a few seconds longer than normal, knocked twice just to make sure. anyway then this other woman, who's also a tutor and vaguely knows me because I went to her for help once, walks down the corridor and past me with a man I don't know. when they were a bit past me I heard him mutter something to her which I know was about me but I'm not quite sure what it was...(I vaguely heard it MIGHT have been about the length of my skirt - because it was a BOILING hot day today) and the woman I went to see for help replied "she's a Jew, I know her" .
she didn't know I heard as they were quite a bit past me but I was quite taken aback, how would you have felt to that? I guess I thought she could have at least said "she's Jewish", if she had to say anything

Fox

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 4:12 pm

I can't help but be reminded of the quote by director and atheism proponent Jonathan Miller:

Quote:

I'm not really a Jew; just Jew-ish, not the whole hog.

Adding the "ish" to a word constitutes a softening, a way of blurring the edges. Under the best of intentions, it's a way of saying, "See, they're just like us!" Jews have learned through bitter experience in galus, however, that softening the edges of our Jewishness does nothing to protect us either physically or spiritually.

Yes, at least in America, it is more usual to refer to someone as "Jewish" rather than "a Jew," if only because it makes clear the speaker's intention to simply add detail rather than engage in anti-Semitism. Ultimately, though, we are Jews, and your acquaintance did you an inadvertent favor by reminding you of the fact.

obagys

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 4:16 pm

Unless there was a tone to her voice that was negative, I honestly don't think I would care.

Simple1

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 4:33 pm

It's not very polite to say anything about a person within their earshot.

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 4:40 pm

Simple1 wrote:

It's not very polite to say anything about a person within their earshot.

It's better than behind someone's back.

shoshina

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 4:53 pm

I think its more conventional in the US to use Jewish. That said, you are a Jew, I am a Jew, and I have no problem with that as an adjective provided its not used in a negative context (though, upon a moments thought, I don't want Jewish used in a negative context either)

That is terribly awkward though.

Isramom8

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 5:27 pm

I read that "a Jew" is more gramatically correct, as in "an American".

Simple1

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 5:31 pm

amother wrote:

Simple1 wrote:

It's not very polite to say anything about a person within their earshot.

It's better than behind someone's back.

Ha, ha! youre right.

But I guess I was referring to neutral comments such as "That's my friend Leah. She is also a teacher at my kids school."

sarahmalka

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 7:28 pm

I would also be taken aback by that. I've never heard non-Jewish friends say it like that, they always say 'Jewish' as do I (especially when talking to non-Jews). I agree that at least in the USA it's got a negative connotation. But perhaps this tutor who said it has little experience and few friends or acquaintances who are Jewish? I could see it as being ignorant, rather than the aggressive or whatever tone that the word implies. I certainly wouldn't say anything to her about it, but it would raise my eyebrows!

amother

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:12 pm

she is from the uk as am I, and she's not really ignorant, many people including some of her colleagues (teachers) are Jewish

chavs

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 8:59 pm

In England my experience is that its not appropriate saying someone is a jew rather that they are jewish.

Raizle

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 9:09 pm

"I'm a Jew and I'm proud and I'll shout it out loud.." Music

anyways, if the tone of her voice wasn't derogatory then I wouldn't worry about it. saying she knows you sounds like it wasn't meant to be negative

skazm

Mon, Jun 27 2011, 9:33 pm

The only people I've heard be insulted by the word 'Jew' are nonreligious... if someone called me a Jew I'd be like yeah and darn proud, and if they did it in a derogatory way I'd call 'em a shaygetz Smile

- don't ever be ashamed of being called a Jew

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