Today was an explosion of epic proportion.

amother

Mon, Jul 25 2011, 10:52 pm

Ds is 5. He's EXTREMELY bright and very defiant. When he gets one-on-one attention he's great. He's even MUCH better in school or with grandparents but with dh and I, it's hell on a daily basis.

Today, was the worst blow up ever. He came home from camp with one of those temporary tattoos. I put it on, but made a mistake and it got all messed up. He melted down and flew apart. He was screaming an inch from my face for over 10 minutes and even grabbed me. I was responding very well.....at first, "you sound angry," "I'm sorry for messing up your tattoo, what can we do next time instead?" etc. etc. After about 10/15 minutes, I had had enough and said I cannot listen to your screaming at me "I hate you," "You're mean" etc.

I said, you need a time out, go upstairs, he refused to. At that point what do I do? Carry a kicking and screaming 5 yo up the stairs? I can't do it physically (also preg.). So I started yelling - not good. And even potched him on the behind 3 times. I feel terrible. B"H Dh came home early miraculously, but ds was not even home from camp for 5 minutes before he went psycho. Why can't I have an easy kid? One who listens, who is positive and loving?

Ds #2 is so sweet and kind and happy and just so the opposite of Ds #1 in so many ways, a) I feel bad that he witnesses all of this and b) it's just not fair that he's so much easier, it makes him so much easier to love.

We're moving so I may try and get him therapy. We were going to do this a while ago, but he improved so much, just LAST NIGHT dh and I Were talking about how much better ds was and then this.

MaBelleVie

Mon, Jul 25 2011, 11:00 pm

Oy. Hugs to you. It sounds like you would all benefit from a behavior modification system. That way, if he threatens negative behaviors, you both have a mutual understanding of what the warnings, consequences etc will be. The goal is for his behaviors to not be given the opportunity to escalate to epic proportions, and for you to have a prescribed method of dealing with it, not flying off the handle out of frustration and desperation.

Therapy sounds like a great idea too. You can research h different behavior mod methods and implement something even before you get a chance to begin therapy.

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2011, 12:07 am

OP, you have my sympathy. My DS is very similar. It is very difficult.

It is a bright spot that he behaves better outside and with grandparents etc. All the therapists I have spoken to (and there have been many) say that bad behavior inside the home is not as bad as bad behavior at school etc. Not much help for you of course, but hope for your son's long term prognosis.

Get therapy for him and maybe for you too, to show you strategies and help you understand that his behavior is a reflection of his inborn temperment and not your fault.

ElTam

Tue, Jul 26 2011, 5:53 pm

It sounds like you did as well as you could, especially as you are pregnant. You can't be perfect every time, you can only do your best. And it sounds like that is what you and your DH are doing.

My child who has explosions is also too big to carry to the room. I do one of two things
1. I tell her if she doesn't go to her room, she will get a punishment. I do not tell her what it is. If she won't go, I follow through. I have cancelled play dates. I have thrown toys into the donation box for Salvation Army or whoever. More often than not, she goes, because she knows I mean business.
2. Sometimes, I go to my room and shut the door. I just say, "I'm sorry, I am not going to be around you if you treat me like this." It gives us both time to cool off.

b'hatzlacha!

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2011, 10:26 pm

OP, Breathe deeply. BTDT...My kids are mostly grown. My firstborn is now a wonderful father, calm as anything. As a young child, he held everything in, was fine outside of the house, perhaps like your son. When he came home from nursery school or camp. oftne the first thing I got was a backpack thrown at me and frequently some type of meltdown. Maybe your son is working hard at dealing with others all day, and let's go when he gets home.
Our son had therapy, and so did we. As much as we try, the kids don't come with directions, and each one is different. Seek some help, for each of you. Keep working, and hug that child. Move away, when you need a breather though. Good luck.

amother

Tue, Jul 26 2011, 10:44 pm

Op here -
thanks all for your feedback and I'm always open to more Smile

As an update, today ds was perfect. A good son, a good brother. Amazing manners, hugs and kisses, when his brother was sick he took care of him. Just amazing.

I just wish he was like this more often. I NEVER see this.

It's just so hard to see him when he's like this and I fear for his future.