Were your wedding details very important to you?

amother

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:27 am

I had preferences but didn't really get any of them in the end. I didnt mind really at the time or now. The only thing I cared about was the mechitza as I wanted something slightly different from my sisters weddings. I wasn't so into the details as I felt it was more important both families were happy with everything.

In hind sight I didn't like my flowers, hairdressers up do or the photographer. But its not something that I think about often, maybe once in a while when the photos come out.

PS both parents had no problem with my mechitza choice.

amommy

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:35 am

I didnt care abt the details. just my dress and hair (a lady messed up my hair for my vort. I cried so hard and didn't want to show up. so thats y hair was very important). the wedding was in the city where my husband lived so his family planned everything. I chose flowers and bentchers(in the end both weren't the ones I decided on...and I didnt really care). I dont even know what food was served! or if we had a dessert!(I asked later and yes we did:)lol)
I just wanted to get married to my husband so badly and the details didnt really matter. and wer happily married:)

groisamomma

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:45 am

I was just happy to get married. The only detail I cared about that I actually remember was not wanting to get married in a certain hall (expensive, and a total waste of money). Both mothers wanted it but I was adamant. In the end, so much extra money went down the tubes for the Shabbos Sheva Brachos that I might as well have gone with the more expensive hall. Such a pity, because we really could have used all that money for our family and kids instead of on trivial frivolities that nobody remembers anyway--including dh and myself. But hey, not my money so not my say.

Chayalle

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 10:47 am

I had a very hectic wedding day, because my cycle was wacky and it ended up being day 7 so couldn't go to mikvah till that day.

We were getting married in a hall that was half way between my in-laws and my parents hometown....so we got a lady to come to the hall to do makeup and hair. She came highly recommended...and did an awful job on both. I look like a ghost in the pictures, and my hairstyle is such that my face looks fat (and I was a slim size 4 wedding gown). All of my sisters up-do's didn't last past the chuppah.

Honestly, none of this matters to me. I barely remember any of the smaller details either, and what mattered to me most was to keep the calm as much as possible - which did happen. Despite the frenetic pace, everyone was smiling and happy.

And though the wedding pictures are not so gorgeous...B"H what matters to me is the home that we've built.

techiemom

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 11:34 am

I think weddings are more for the mothers. I told my bridesmaids to wear something blue... that was it. I was consulted, but pretty easy about things. My grandfather, who worked in the shmatta business, took me around for my gown and that was special. My dh and I cared most about the music and gave the musician a huge long list of all our favourite music and he looked at me in disgust and said "I'm a professional." We had picked him because he actually played all those songs and when he did another family simcha we laughed about it.

amother

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 1:09 pm

I told my parents 2 things: There is a certain hall I don't want (I sure got married there Smile

) and I want a violonist. I got the violonist.
I also didn't want a lot of people, I don't like huge weddings.
My mashpia told me: Look your parents are paying for your whole wedding, let them make the choices. When you marry off your children, you do things the way you want.

It saved tons of headaches!!!!

I chose my bouquet, because it was more convenient this way, but that's it.
The only thing I was really upset about at the end was my photographer. He was awful, and the pictures are horrible. There is maybe one or 2 that look normal, out of the entire wedding!!!!!!!!! Oh well... at least my sisters are getting normal ones, now (I was the first girl to get married, so the first wedding my parents arranged)

yo'ma

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 1:14 pm

I wanted an outdoor wedding, didn't have it.
I wanted a certain type of flower, didn't have it.
I wanted to walk down with my parents, did it Very Happy

.

The outdoor wedding didn't happen because where we were getting married, they didn't have any place outdoors to make the wedding and places that had a place was too expensive. I got over it right away!
I'm not sure why I didn't get the type of flowers I wanted. I think the guy said it's out of season, but I don't know. I also got over it right away!
I put my foot down on who I walk down the aisle with. We hold that we go down with the parents and my dh family holds mother, mother and father, father. I won!! Very Happy

DovDov

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 2:15 pm

I was extremely busy when I got married and not living in my home town, where the wedding was. I had no real requirements except as inexpensive as possible. My mother and his mother between them did the whole thing -- I remember getting a call when they were sitting with the caterer to find out what I wanted served -- who cared? I told them to call the chosson, and they said they already had and he also had nothing to add. So we said you've been to more weddings at this hall than we, you pick something that tastes good. My parents had used the photographer for a prior wedding. I don't even know what the band was -- I simply don't remember. Nor what the "color scheme" was -- not sure there was one? We got a DVD with the pics, and never got around to making an album, so it's not like I've seen the images recently...

We completely forgot about flowers. Just wasn't on my radar, as we were using non-flower centerpieces (MIL picked out from gmach). Late Sunday afternoon, when my sister realized, she took me to the only florist in the neighborhood that was still open to discuss a wedding bouquet -- the wedding was Monday. Whatever.

We ended up with a very traditional wedding, the same hall "everyone" uses, the same caterer, etc. -- it probably cost close to $10,000. DH has frequently bemoaned the fact that we were not more proactive in refusing some of the trappings, insisting on a simple outdoor reception, but when it comes down to it, that's not what our parents would have wanted. And our parents paid for what they wanted, so I don't think there's any cause for complaint. It's not like DH didn't enjoy the wedding -- just that in hindsight he thinks it was a collosal wast of money. Which it probably was, but if that's the only issue I feel like it was their money to do with what they wanted.

amother

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 2:20 pm

My mother really cared and she was paying for it, my DH really cared, but his family wasnt paying for it - so basically I had to referee between the two of them and it was really difficult so I just couldnt be bothered caring about the details. I remember I went to meet the florist who had a mock up of a table with centerpieces and I said to her why are you asking me? She said you are the bride. And I was like it doesnt matter my mother is going to change everything anyway. So when my mother went to the Florist and hated the mock and the centerpieces and the Florist said, but the bride said it was ok, My mother said to the florist - why are you asking her?

Basically, I learned what not to do when my own children get married.

amother

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 3:47 pm

my parents and dh's parents basically took care of everything. and paid for all. dad said my wedding night was less $$ than any of his children... (even with my gown included.

only cared about the gown head pc makeup and hair. our family motto is a beautiful bride makes a beautiful wedding. had beautiful expensive gown that my mother and me (and that saleslady of course put in her 5 cents... Wink

) designed and had it sewn up custom made. t'was magnificent!! the crown was beautiful too t'was custom make by bridal shop in Manhattan. it was shockingly cheap. (mom rented it out a few times alreay.... almost covered the cost 5x by now... ) The photographer, caterer, menu, flowers.... didn't really care. the hall had a package they offer. we can choose from a list of florists, caterer, photographer ect. that they provide. it was up to mom. t'was easy and very affordable. we have a HUGE family ky''h so we booked someone for the hair and someone else for makeup (she was bz all day... 18 faces....) for the day.

eschaya

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:44 pm

Like many previous posters, I cared about a few personally relevant things and ignored the rest. I cared about my gown, hair, and bouquet (wanted red roses to the dismay of my mother). I also requested a particular song that I would walk down to... but when the moment came they played something else. Oh well. Food, music, hall, decor, relatives gown colors... were all blessedly taken care of for me.

groisamomma

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:50 pm

amother wrote:

You're the smart one. Very Happy

lamplighter

Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:23 pm

My wedding needed to be made on a major budget but my parents really wanted to do it as "normally" as possible. My in laws offered to make the entire wedding in their hometown but flying my whole family there and having no friends or coworkers there wasn't worth it for us. At the end my parents paid for the whole thing. I had opinions and dreams but when push came to shove, it didn't turn out that those could be a reality. It ended up being a matter of choices. Music? choice of 3 one man bands. We did well with that. Photographer? choice of 2 equal priced cheap starter up guys. Decent pics but nothing beautiful. Caterer? the cheapest guy and cheapest options. Flowers? silk for everything except my bouquet, no choice on either. They didn't match -oh well. Hall? The cheaper option. Gowns were from a gemach but I did get to choose a color. My hair and make-up were the same as who did my lchaim (that was the "trial"), she did a fabulous job.

I was really mature about all of it and some things I still cringe over when I see my pictures, but we are happily married and it was a wonderful special day for both of us!