6th grade friendships

amother

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 1:16 pm

My 6th grade daughter has a girl in her class that is telling other classmates not to be her friend. She also does mean things to her such as pouring sprite into her lunch box. My daughter has 2 good friends in the class. She tells me that her entire class is made up of cliques with 3-4 kids per clique. I was trying to encourage her to be friendly with other kids besides those 2 when she told me this. She is ready to go to the principal. On the one hand I do not want her to be a tattletale. I would want her to solve the problem a different way. On the other hand, if it's not getting solved, why should she be subjected to this. I do not think she has social issues as she has those 2 friends in school and a very good friend on the block. Any advice???

Motek

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 8:18 pm

amother wrote:

She is ready to go to the principal.

That's interesting - sounds very self-confident to do that. But how about approaching one of her teachers instead?

Annie

Thu, Sep 14 2006, 11:52 pm

As a 6th grade teacher (and witnessing some of this type of behavior), I would tell you to tell your daughter to go to a teacher she has a relationship with. Also, what I've noticed is that the girls seem to be jockey-ing for position at this point in the school year. If she can get away with ignoring these girls, I would tell her to wait until after succos and see how things are.

happymom

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 10:02 am

telling the teacher is a good idea. I also think this girls parent should be spoken to. why is she doing this to your daughter? does she have any friends of her own?

busymom

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 10:23 am

No child should have to put up with bullying on a daily basis, and some action is certainly called for. You should be very proud of your daughter that she is confident and comfortable enough to go to the principal herself. I think this is a very good opportunity to teach her - and allow her - to try to problem solve on her own.

Very often parents rush to their child's aid, calling teachers/principals when the child isn't happy with her assigned seat, her part in the play, and even more trivial matters. Such children never get the backbone to stick up for themselves and handle problems on their own. Of course, when a child is unable to deal with a problem by herself, or her efforts haven't brought any results, then the parent can always get involved and show the child that she has a strong support system from home. But in general, I think sixth grade is a good age to teach children to speak up for themselves.

Tovah

Fri, Sep 15 2006, 10:30 am

telling a teacher will backfire and the girls will only hate her more. try to stay away from them, maybe she can ask her teacher to move her desk away from these girls if possible.
it will fade and they will stop, wait till after succos like said in previous post and then go to a teacher.

Last edited by Tovah on Wed, Sep 20 2006, 4:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

TzenaRena

Sun, Sep 17 2006, 3:20 am

Quote:

it will fade and they wil stop, wait till after succos like said in previous post and then go to a teacher.

That depends, but if a girl is being picked on or bullied daily, I wouldn't advise you to just wait. I had something like this with one of my children, and definitely the teacher or principal or both needs to get involved. It will not stop on it's own.

aussiegal

Sun, Sep 17 2006, 4:02 am

Tovah wrote:

telling a teacher will backfire and the girls will only hate her more.

I agree!!! Maybe if she invites one or two girls seperately to come over to your house/ or go out together they'll become friendly with her,?!?

amother

Wed, Sep 20 2006, 3:29 pm

As it turns out, my daughter did not need my advice. She went to a teacher on her own, and the teacher has improved the situation. My daughter is much happier now.

busymom

Wed, Sep 20 2006, 4:24 pm

glad to hear that! and like I mentioned above, I'm really impressed with your daughter. such a confident and effiicient young lady. not afraid to approach the teacher, and obviously didn't hesitate to take care of this herself. may you see much nachas from her.