All teachers should read this...

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 10:19 am

it is almost impossible for a teacher to pick up on such things without any prior knowledge of the situation--and iv been at both sides of the desk. I suffered from a severe eating disorder for about 5 years during school and have been teaching for a number of yrs now...any kid can be suffering and id never know. if a student wants to keep somthing private, she will usualy be successful. in order for a student to b helped, she must usualy b the one to reach out first. take it from me, iv been there.

apple24

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 11:08 am

I'm sorry, but I can not agree with the people who are saying that its normal for a teacher to not pick up on any signs when a child in your class is depressed.

Even if you are a high school teacher, and you do not see the kids everyday. If a child does not do well on a test, wouldnt you try to find out why? Speak to the kid, the parents, the previous teachers, administration etc... I would not let any student fail a test and just leave it.
Isn't that our job, as teachers to first and foremost know who we are teaching? How can we bring out the individual strengths of each child if we don't try to figure out who they are? I personally feel that I am not in the field of education to teach subjects, I am in it to teach children, each individual child. Every child deserves to be believed in, and deserves our care and concern for them. Like the previous poster said, we don't make much money. So we certainly are not in this profession for material reasons. I'd like to think its because we actually care about the kids and want to help each one of them.
I am saddened by some of the stories that have been posted in this section. I don't know what high schools you went to, but I do know that it is not what I would expect from a respectable school.

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 11:18 am

So I grew up in a home where for much of my life, one of my parents was often too drunk to make us dinner. The other parent was not around much.

Later, my family circumstances changed and I lived with the not-around-much parent and an abusive step parent. My step-parent went to all the parent teacher conferences and was told, "Amother is so clearly bright, but she doesn't apply herself. She doesn't pay attention." So stepmother would come home and beat the daylights out of me because I wasn't applying myself (wonder why?).

This went on for years and years and years. No teacher ever asked me if I was having problems at home or other issues. They just disciplined me in such a way that it made the abuse at home even worse. I finally got my act together in school when I realized a college scholarship was my ticket to get as far away from those people as possible.

I teach now, and I am very careful with my students when someone is not performing up to potential. I often have a neutral kind of chat about the child with the parent before I bring up any issues. And in doing that, I have found that parents give things away without meaning to. I had one student in particular that after a very parve conversation, she started saying all these horrible things about her child (that he was stupid, that he never listened, etc...). After that, we never had any issue I didn't deal with in class. The only way I would have called home or sent a note home is if that kid would have burned the building down.

I have also found that there are some kids that you can get a vibe on that something is wrong outside of class. I am lucky to have a very sensitive principal, so I can say, "I'm having some issues with Plonit. Before I call home, is there anything I should know? And there have been times where my principal has said, "It would be in the child's best interests if you did not do that."

I do a lot of praising, of catching kids doing things right (even the kids who are problematic). I am aware that for some kids, the time they spend with me can be the safest time of their day. I'm always amazed at how much more effective a high-five when a kid is doing well is than three negative consequences that kid is having a bad day.

tsiggelle

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 12:58 pm

amother wrote:

I just read this letter written by a teenager on the yeshiva world news coffee room and I feel that my fellow teachers should read this as well. Let me know what you think. I think I'm a bit scared to teach this year shock

The poor girl (((((shudder))))

Dear Teacher,
I'm your future student and perhaps your student from last year or another. I want you to know something I haven't shared with you. You asked me each and every test why I failed, you asked where my homework was and what I was thinking by not making up my missed work. You just didn't know where I spent my night before. You probably thought I was by friends' houses having the time of my life. NOPE, you're so wrong. I spent my night in the psychiatric ward after attempting suicide, or I spent my night begging and pleading fro my meds to overdose on. I've been through so much, teacher. Please have some mercy! I appear in school, struggling to focus and learn. Yet my mind wanders to my pain and insecurities. My thoughts swirl until my mind goes blank. I can't focus on your math or chumash because my mind is filled with emotions and my heart races. My eyes well with tears that I struggle to contain as I recieve my last failed test. I couldn't do any better. Yes, you're way older than me, I know. Yet it seems you haven't suffered in your life. You seem like a happy married woman. You're so insensitive sometimes. I'm begging you, open your eyes. I'm young yet so old. I've been through nightmares and nightmares and time after time, only the shell of me remains. I'm no longer a person. I'm a ruined soul. Yes teacher, I have an anorexia, depression, anxiety, and ocd. No, I didn't choose to have it and its NOT in my control. Think carefully before you attack your poor students. And fellow classmates, this is for you too. As school approaches, I tremble in fear of what this year will bring. How will the teachers and students act? I wonder...I fear...
Sincerely, your student

yes, it seems. but looks are decieving, dont you know that? a teacher cant know everything if such issues arent shared with her. and the same in reverse; you have absolutely no idea what the happy-go-lucky teacher is going through if you are not told.

yes, it would be a good thing if teachers are trained to spot such issues, but in no way should anyone rely on that. open communication is the key.

there are issues where proper medication, therapy/counselling and support are so important for the person in question to thrive and get on in life.

lamplighter

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:50 pm

I am not being hard on teachers at all.
If you reread my post, you'll see I wrote - if she had ALL those issues she listed (about 4 mental health issues), any half decent teacher would notice it. When it's just one of those things, it's a lot harder to pick up on.

I believe that most teachers are looking out to help her students and many are even trained to spot mental health issues, and sometimes things slip by us. Teenagers are very good at covering things up and many if not most, do not appreciate the teacher asking about their "personal" life, and deny or say dont worry it's fine or wtvr when they are being approached.

I'm not saying this is an excuse, I'm saying that even good, devoted, caring teachers can make a mistake.

I still think that if she had ALL those issues, over the course of the year, a teacher or principal would of picked up on it.

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 2:38 pm

Quote:

If she has all those problems listed, there is no way any half decent teacher would of missed that or any half decent school would not inform the teacher of the girls' issues.

Been there, done that, have the t-shirt. I was abused and as a result was suicidal and bulimic. Not one teacher ever spoke to me with concern. I went to an excellent school with excellent teachers when it came to academics. But, I think there was a widely held belief that "these things don't happen in nice homes." You don't see what you assume isn't there.

amother

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 4:12 pm

To those of you who don't believe this letter, check it out on the yeshiva world coffee room where I got it. Look at this poor girl's posts on the poetry section. She expresses deep pain there and from what I've read there she seems to be resentful towards her teachers. Many teachers aren't smart to say the least. Many teachers don't care (in HS I went to nobody knew the difference about anything) and now as a teacher myself in a HS this year I've been working very hard to reach out to the students. Yes, I am the OP.
here's the link to the poetry
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com.....age/3

Yocheved84

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 5:49 pm

In a college setting, we would NEVER be aware of this unless a student produced a letter from the Disability Office (but it wouldn't have her diagnosis--only saying that she's entitled to extra time, etc.) This is a great post, true or false, because it opens up our eyes and softens us a bit. I have often given my students a hard time and I've had a couple break down and tell me why they didn't do the paper--and from there, I got the students the mental counseling they needed plus academic accommodations.

I should note that I've also been on the reverse side--in my doctoral program, I went through a rough patch and I thought I was screaming for help, but I guess it wasn't obvious enough to merit a little rochmunus/pity and guidance from faculty. It was sink or swim.

We need some pity now and then..not every kid is going home and playing video games. Many of my students spend the evening looking for homeless shelters, bailing their parents out of jail, or working three jobs while suffering a depression. And some are just suffering the awful effects of mental illness. Either way, we need to approach students with respect...there's so much we don't know.

tryingmybest

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 5:53 pm

Yocheved84 wrote:

Rejuvenate

Tue, Oct 04 2011, 1:04 pm

life'sgreat wrote:

apple24 wrote:

this post bothers my on so many levels....
there is no way that in any respectable school, that a classroom teacher would not be aware of such a situation. In addition, a good (no actually, half decent) teacher would be able to pick up on some sort of behavior that indicated somethign was amiss. A suicidal child would not seem like a normal member of the class. In fact, the first, most obvious sign would be that she was consistently failed her tests.
This either sounds like a made up story, or a very dysfunctional school with a terrible teacher, IMHO.

I disagree. Teens/kids are resilient and can put up great fronts without anyone suspecting such stuff. It may seem like they just don't care, are going through a 'stage' etc... but you wouldn't dream what these students are grappling with. And often, ~~stupid, irresponsible~~ parents choose to 'keep it a secret' and everyone suffers way more than they need to.

very well said!

Fox

Tue, Oct 04 2011, 3:48 pm

Yocheved84 wrote:

We need some pity now and then..not every kid is going home and playing video games. Many of my students spend the evening looking for homeless shelters, bailing their parents out of jail, or working three jobs while suffering a depression. And some are just suffering the awful effects of mental illness. Either way, we need to approach students with respect...there's so much we don't know.

This is so eloquent! The circumstances don't even have to be that dire -- we all go through rough patches where a smile and a few words of encouragement go a long, long way.

Many posters have commented that teachers can only help if they know what's going on. Sadly, I have to say that the parents are often quite right to withhold information. For example, my now-teenage daughters and their friends recall a particular teacher in their elementary school who was virtually famous for gossiping loudly in the teacher's lounge about various families in the community -- with the door wide open. Everyone passing could hear her opinions on the latest tidbits of news, and especially wily 7th and 8th graders would lurk outside in hopes of hearing something salacious!

If you are a teacher or administrator, you will be giving your students a tremendous gift if you work toward creating an environment where parents are not judged unfavorably and confidential information is truly kept confidential. It's not always an easy task, but I've seen it done, and the cooperation parents extend to teachers when they know they aren't going to "get in trouble" benefits everyone.