Made a deal with Hashem over Yom Kippur....

amother

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 5:44 pm

I have a relative who was diagnosed with a potentially lethal cancer before Rosh Hashanah. They continued to run tests, but all specialists were almost certain that the diagnosis would be grim. I prayed to Hashem on Yom Kippur that G-d should take me instread of this relative. I feel as if my life is meaningless and suffer from depression. This person deserves to live more than I.

After Yom Kippur, we received the astounding news from the doctors that tests show this person does not have a fatal form of the disease and should have a complete recovery after treatment! So, should I start making a will and funeral arrangements?

amother

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 6:01 pm

You said that you "made a deal with Hashem" but who's to say that Hashem agreed to this deal? B'H for the news about the cancer, but I have to believe that Hashem can hear your pleas for the other to have a refuah and react accordingly but dismiss your request for death, chas v'shalom, as the product of your depression. Every Jew, including you, is on this earth for a purpose. Hashem created you and placed you here - you personally. Your worth is infinitely great, and even if you can't see it right now, I'm sure that Hashem does. Please, please get some help. I know that there are those who'll blast me, but I've been through depression myself and there really is light at the end of the tunnel and a good therapist and antidepressants can help you get there (not to mention davening and a rav or mashpia to provide love and support as well). Sometimes our biggest challenges are the ones that come from inside ourselves, but just like all other tests, you can succeed.

amother

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 6:44 pm

I have been to therapists and been on many different antidepressants. Nothing works. I actually feel better about things now. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I won't have to feel guilty about suicide because I will die however Hashem determines as part of my bargain. I feel I have saved a life and will be put out of my misery to boot. So it is a win-win situation. I just wonder where and when it will happen (I assume this year). It scares me that it might not happen, but for now I will choose to see my relative's diagnosis as the message that it will.

Mommy3.5

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 9:35 pm

amother wrote:

I,m sorry you feel that way. What about your family's misery if god forbid you would die? would you like them to feel sad and depressed like you do now? wishing for death, is sometimes the cowards way out. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to feel your way through the darkness first.

I wish you a long happy, and healthy life, whith much nachas.

S.Shcwartz

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 10:37 pm

I remember making a "deal" with Hashem too. My aunt was childless for many years and as a thirteen year old I davened at "shema koleinu" that Hashem please give my aunt one of my future children. I never told anyone about it, until one day, nineteen years after her marriage she had twins BH. Then a year later quadruplets B"AH. So then I told her about it. I BH have two children. Hashem probably said, I see how much you want her to have children, but I will not take them away from you. You'll both have them. I think it applies to you too. You wanted your relative to live so much that you were ready to give your life, so Hashem wanted you both to live. Not that we can make cheshbonos on His account, we just have to realize how much Hashem really loves us and that He wants only the good for us. Suicide would have not been Ossur if Hashem would have wanted you to do it. Get help, but most important, get help from within. A person can help themselves more than anyone else can, you have to want to. BeHatzlacha!!

queenyemk

Wed, Oct 11 2006, 10:55 pm

do you have children??
Are you married??
How do think your husband or children would feel if you passed on?
Don't you think they would be devestated from loosing you.
If you don't want to live for yourself, live for them. They need you.
A child is broken when they loose a mother.
Don't wish to break them.

How long have you been depressed for and what bought you into it??
Just remember that Hashem always gives us the cure before the disease and the cure stays we just have to find it.
Also, Drs. make blunders all the time, so they may of made a miss diagnonsis.
Also, on Rosh Hashanah Hashem designates all of brochas for that year and on Yom Kippur seals that fate. You relative may of davened so well on RH that Hashem heard and resealed their fate.

Motek

Sun, Oct 15 2006, 11:50 pm

Kmelion wrote:

Actually, al pi Halacha, you're not allowed to make deals like that.

Source?

Quote:

The story is told that when Horav Naftali Trop, z'l, became ill, the students of the Yeshiva in Radin, where he was Rosh Yeshivah, sought every avenue to secure his recovery. They decided to "donate" days, weeks, and even months of their own lives as a merit for his recovery. They even went to the Chofetz Chaim, zl, and asked how many hours he would contribute. The venerable sage thought back and forth for a few moments and said, "I will give up one minute of my life."

When the students heard their rebbe's reply, they developed an acute appreciation of the value of time, of every single minute of time. Indeed, the hasmadah, diligence, in Torah study in Radin became so intense as a result of the Chofetz Chaim's remark, that it was noted that the yeshivah had never had such hasmadah from its inception.