Moving & expecting - PLEASE help me with these big decis

medola

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 10:48 pm

Decisions, decisions, decisions...

So the story goes that we're moving from the Northeast to south Florida this summer.
DH is finishing law school and b'H has been offered a job in prosecution... So we're picking up and leaving the community that we became frum in to move to the exotic tropics...

I really need help deciding exactly WHEN to move.

The Details:

May 10 - DH's last law school Final (up here)
May 20 - DH's graduation (again up North)
May 21 - {my b-day cake

}
All of June - DH - big time studying for the Bar exam (Anywhere, USA)
June 20 - DS's last day of playgroup (up North)
2nd week of July - I'm DUE with our 2nd!! Party

July 24-25 - DH takes the Bar exam in Tampa, FL
August 13 - DH starts his job in Miami
August 31 - our apt lease (up North) officially ends

So the Original Plan was to stay here in this community that we know and love, have lot of support here, etc - through June, and through July (and deliver here), then have DH fly down for the Bar (2 weeks after I'm due! Tho I think I might be a week or so early - I was 8 days early with DS, plus my OB says the 2nd time you're usually earlier than due date -- but lets pray I'm not a week late b/c then we'll run into big problems if we have a bris coinciding with the bar).... And then MOVE (me, DH, DS and newborn) around August 1st (hopefully sublet the apt for August since our lease wont be up yet).

The Alternate Plan is to move down in May - like right after DH's last final (May 10) and then I guess he'd fly back up for commencement (May 20). (Alternate Plan-B would be to move after graduation.) This way we'd be all packed and moved, and have lots of time to settle in and DH will have lots of time to study for the bar exam. He also wouldn't have to fly to Tampa for it - he'd be able to just drive. So a bit less pressure with the [over?]due-date... Plus I hear a good way to get to know a community (when you're brand new) is to have a baby! (I'm just reluctant because I really know just about no-one and I have some great friends here that I want celebrate this simcha with. Also family is much closer here - MIL is 45 min away, and my parents are a 2ish hour drive away). But moving earlier would mean we wouldn't have to move with a newborn, and deal with all that plus any post-pardom stuff that can come up.
So some issues with moving sooner-- I'd have to find an all new ob-gyn/hospital (right now mine is a 7 minute walk away) that hopefully takes patients in their 8th month (don't know if all of them do). I'd have to make sure I can get insurance coverage (mine is Medicare and state). I'd have to take DS out of playgroup a month (or more) early - and I'm not sure if the Morah would give me a break and not cash the head check for June. So I'd have to find something to do with DS when we get to FL - not sure if any playgroup or nursery would let him on board for the last month of school... and then I'd have to find a camp for him.
... Not to mention that most people in their right mind would not move down to Florida in mid-May because of the unbearable heat. They'd avoid May, June, July if they could (and obviously August, too - but we have to move by then - but we CAN avoid May-July if we go with Option A).
... and we still need to FIND a place - but a lot of the places we see to rent or to buy - the landlord or seller wants it to be occupied/sold by May/June -- So waiting around and hoping that we'll find something for August 1st may be too much a leap of faith?

Alright that's all I can think of for now... So sorry for making this a novella.

If you're still reading, THANK YOU! You're awesome!
Any feedback is really appreciated!
TIA

mommydiaries

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 10:56 pm

I think it would be best to get the move over with ASAP. You might find it easier to be comfortabe with your new born if you are settled (physically) also, when you have a baby in the new community, you will get a chance to meet the people around you... It might be a perfect opportunity to forge new friendships everyone will want to help! (hopefully). The only downside is that you would miss dh commencement....

wtvr

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 11:00 pm

Just because the landlords want them occupied, doesn't mean they will be. How realistic is it to sublet for August?

I'm thinking stay North till the end of August. Have baby here, family and friends to help. Husband flies down to start work, finalize apt, etc., come back up and you guys move last week of August.

rovacat

Thu, Mar 22 2012, 11:12 pm

wtvr wrote:

I agree! Have the baby where you are ccomfortable and have support. Plus keeping dd in preschool is priceless. You can move later. Just try to have your house Organized now and pack up the things you won't need in the meantime to make the mOve easier with baby. Bshaa tova!

yjlz

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 9:37 am

I think that whatever you do you need to give yourself a window of recovery time... Don't forget what having a baby is like! It takes a toll on your body. I think if I were you I would stay up north where I have support etc. Have DH get things more set up in Florida so you can move there and have as little to do as possible. Definitely try to have as much packed as you can before the baby!!!! Like most of your seforim, kitchen (except basics), off season cloths, even pictures, extra toys, extra shoes etc. Imagine if you were going on an extended vacation. People will be making you meal IY"H anyways! I would also stock up a spare freezer with 'one pan meals' like shepard's pie, lasagna, quiche etc (after pesach of course!) It's much better to plan ahead then to be dealing with things while you are postpartum.
Bshaa Tova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liba

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 9:48 am

I think moving post partum, especially that close to giving birth, is unrealistic unless you are paying movers to do all of the packing and unpacking. I would move as soon as you can. Put down roots in the new community and settle in before the baby is born.

jelly belly

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 10:08 am

I agree with Liba. If you find the right community, I think people will help you out even if you are new there. And my first was also a week early, while my second was late. . . don't count on anything!

MamaBear

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 11:12 am

It'll be summer, you have one other kid, you can spend a lot of time outdoors. I would move as soon as possible, before you have to worry about going in to labor and then moving so soon postpartum. Your child doesn't need to finsh playgroup - she must be very young, right? It's not like finishing the school yr. If you had a lot of other kids I'd say stay where you are as long as possible. B/c your friends will help watch them, do playdates, school carpool, etc But with just one other kid I think you'll be ok. You can also get a mother's helper for a few hrs here and there.

nylon

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 1:27 pm

I would not want to attempt requalifying for medicaid and finding an OB to take it that close to my due date.

amother

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 3:38 pm

I dont know if you are aware of the way things work down here in Florida. I am from Florida,
#1 finding a doctor who is competent is not an easy thing, most doctors here care more about their malpractice insurance than they do about you. They do things according to protocol, and policy, therefor most women I know go to the birthing center.

Secondly the heat is not pleasant,

Better to stay where you are have baby, have your in-laws around, move after you feel better.

good luck!

amother

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 4:03 pm

DH should move right after graduation, you and the kids should follow in August. You need to keep your doctor and insurance (you will have a difficult time switching in Florida as someone mentioned) and DH really needs to devote his life to studying for the bar. The bar exam is no joke, and Florida is one of the hardest- if not THE hardest- of all 50 states. Better a truly crazy 2 months than a pretty crazy 2 months and then a repeat because he has to take the bar again. He can fly up a few days before your due date so as not to miss the birth and bris if there is one.

Peanut2

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 4:29 pm

I moved two months after giving birth to my first. We had movers pack everything! But we still needed to pack and keep the things we needed until we got to our new place. Realize that with a cross country move, unlike one around the the same area or city, you will be without your stuff for at least a week. Feel free to PM me for more advice about that.

Anyway, I say absolutely move before you are due. Try to set up as much as you can beforehand.

Hatzlacha!

amother

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 4:48 pm

I also live in S Fl. The process for getting onto Medicaid for pregnant women was very simple and quick. It took a week at most, I just had to submit proof of pregnancy from an OB and proof of income. There are some excellent doctors here who take Medicaid, and it is ridiculous to say they don't care about heir patients. Many, many women use them without complaints. My OB doesn't even have malpractice insurance. I do agree that the heat is awful, but I can't imagine moving immediately pp. I would do it as early as possible.

amother

Fri, Mar 23 2012, 5:10 pm

amother wrote:

Well, I am from Florida too and this has not been my experience.
Just get a good reference and you'll be fine. I never heard of this "hard to find an OB thing because of Medicaid". If your insurance doesn't require a referral, then find a physician that doesn't require one either and you're set.
No, the heat isn't pleasant but I've lived in NY too in the summer and the heat is not very pleasant there either. It's not all that different.
My opinion is also move as soon as you can. Your ILs/parents can come down to you and help you out for a week at a time. At least by then you'll have unpacked, settled into your new home, and met a few friends. You may even be lucky based on what type of community you move in to. For example, if you have your baby in Florida, you may be put in the situation to be forced to meet new people (like having an open house Shalom Zachor) and see who shows up. Other young couples may want to get to know you and offer to make meals for you. They may even be more inclined to do it if they have met you prior to the birth and want to be friendly neighbors.
If you DH would be working and you want to move after that date, you'd probably need an extra family member to accompany you on the plane with a newborn and a young child...not to mention all the stuff that you may be bringing.
Worse comes to worse, consider moving in all your things save a few suitcases with essential items, stay until the baby is born (but remember you will be away from DH when you may be needing him) and bunk at family members until you feel ready to move down.
If it were me, I would move as soon as I could. Smile

medola

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 12:11 pm

Thanks everyone for your input and ideas!

Except the consensus it totally split right down the middle! --Well maybe a few more weighting in in favor of moving early...

Personally, what I really want it to stay up here as long as possible. We'll have more help from our relatives, I can keep DS in playgroup, my best friend is here (and a very warm supportive community), it's not as hot/humid; ob, insurance and hospital are all here too, etc.
I just get such a lonely feeling when thinking about moving down to this new place early. I'm sure it will turn out fine and I'll eventually make some friends, but I'm scared of being lost and lonely (and very hot! -- probably too hot to venture outside much, thus continuing the lonely cycle).
Also if we move down early, we'll have much less help from family and friends (with DS) and DH thinks it will mean less quality studying time for him. Like someone pointed out, we definitely don't want a crazy 2 months of studying for the FL bar only to have to do it all over again...
We will have a little help from family flying down, but not much, I'm afraid. My mom can prob come for 1 week (I wish it was for more) and one sister for about a week, maybe another sister for a few days too? Don't know about MIL yet.

But there is something to be said about moving down early, setting roots, and getting to know the community through the simcha of having a new baby there... (but thinking of having the apt/house ready to host a shalom zachor scares me a bit! "Oh hi, welcome! Please come in! The men are in the dining room, around the corner of that big wall of boxes. Feel free to pull up a box to sit on. The women are in the kitchen - the room right after the piles of clothes stuffed in garbage bags. Make yourself at home!")

It also depends a lot on just when we find housing. We're looking to rent or buy, and it's tough to count on something being available August 1st, when we're looking now. Lots of LL/sellers want to close earlier than that. So we have to just wait and see what will become of our housing search.
--At least we're pretty certain that finding a subletter for our apt up here will be pretty easy. We have a big market here for summer sublets.

I'm so overwhelmed and feel like there's no perfect option that doesn't come with compromises... Confused

Any other advice or ideas?

bandcm

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 3:21 pm

I don't know your OB but what he/she said about being early second time is absolute balderdash. So do not count on that at all. You need to give yourself a window of 1 month around your due date (two weeks before, two weeks after) and realize that you realistically will be giving birth anytime in that month.

chocolate chips

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 6:42 pm

Although moving with a newborn is HARD, if you have all your support for pre and post birth up north, I would stay near them as long as I can. After birth you will need all the help and comfort you can have, even if dh has to leave for a few days, at least you have friends.

Also I wouldn't stress about finding someone to sublet the apartment for one month, although it is an extra expense to you, but the added stress to find someone etc is not worth the bother.

nylon

Sun, Mar 25 2012, 11:24 pm

amother wrote:

South Florida OBs do not usually even bother with malpractice insurance. it's been cited as one of the reasons the Caesarean rate is insane there. It's not a good thing for patients at all.