need help making a decision

amother

Mon, Jun 25 2012, 7:52 pm

I've never wanted to live here. We've been here for two decades and missed out on what I feel are the essentials of raising kids. I've kind of given my mate and ultimatum to move now. problem is, as much as I absolutely detest where we live, I am afraid I might be "the grass is greener on the other side" kinda girl. 'How can I make this decision, and is it possible and rational to do it? I really, really hate it here.

Mrs Bissli

Mon, Jun 25 2012, 8:20 pm

Well, there are a few factors to consider where to move TO.

1. Community: what kind of Jewish community do you want to live in? Hashkafa, amenity required?
2. Financials: how easy would it be for you/your DH to get a job if you move?
How expensive is it going to be (esp housing cost which varies from place to place)
3. Children: are your children young enough that relocation/getting settled is less of an issue?
What schools do you need?

ima25

Mon, Jun 25 2012, 11:33 pm

WOW! thanks for your responses! I didn't think anybody would "listen."
1) I know I need to stay in a religious community. My husband would like to be in a chassidishe environment, although he REALLY doesn't show it. It does't come out in day to day living.

2) Parnossa would be a problem. Isn't it for everybody? He runs a business. He'd have to figure one out where we'd move to, although he thinks he'd just commute monthly or something. For me, I can do what I do anywhere.

3)Children: I think my older kids would like to stay here to finish high school with their friends - most of them board at this age anyway, and the younger kids would be fine. They B"H, make friends easily. And I am not happy with the school, anyway, so switching is gonna happen one way or another.

4) I don't like anything about where I live, except food availability, which is really a negative. It's too easy to get and too readily available - especially the nosh. There is too much of everything here, and the noise is constant. There is no place to park, so when DH has a car, as he does for work occasionally, he can spend over an hour looking for a place to park. There is no place for the kids to play, have to travel to a park for grass. and the house where I live is old and not taken care of. the neighbors are slobs.

5) I want quiet, and grass, and a house that's in good repair.

6) I have a husband and a bunch of kiddos.

manyhats

Tue, Jun 26 2012, 10:24 am

I think the move would be hard on the older children.

As for parking, can't you rent a spot?

Could you make a compromise? Go away for the summer to a bungalow colony where there is plenty of grass and activities for kids.

How does rest of family feel?

Parnassah is no small issue.

amother

Tue, Jun 26 2012, 10:31 am

I hate where I live so I feel for you. But I live somewhere with a very small community and no jewish amenities (no good schools and no high school that's a fit for us, no kosher restaurants, only one area to live in etc) But we have easy parking, plenty of grass, decent houses that are cheaper than NY.

If you didn't mention that you've lived there for 20 yrs I'd say give it a try. But after so long, with so many kids, and the job issue, I don't know. I think you'd possibly be trading in one set of problems for another.

ima25

Tue, Jun 26 2012, 11:43 am

"And btw I used to live in a place that sounds similar to yours and it truly was just a diff. set of problems. There are positives and negatives to every place and situation."

That's exactly what I am afraid of.

Many hats: thank you for your thoughts and your reply, but that's all completely out of the question - no "spots" to rent would be workable, and NO WAY am I going to a bungalow colony.
I've compromised so much for so long. Those would not be making my life any better.

ima25

Tue, Jun 26 2012, 12:11 pm

amother wrote:

And btw I used to live in a place that sounds similar to yours and it truly was just a diff. set of problems. There are positives and negatives to every place and situation.

You make me cry. I think I kow all this somehow. but I cannot find anything here that makes me ok living here. everywhere I go reminds me of how much I hate here.cceverytime I leave the house it's another slap in the face.