Is it okay to have these rules for guests

shnitzel

Sat, Sep 29 2012, 10:26 pm

Your homey your rules.
Definitely enforce them. I have been a guest at homes with no eating outside of the kitchen rule and while I am very relaxed in my home but part of being a guest is being considerate of your host and trying to create the least amount of work possible.

miami85

Sat, Sep 29 2012, 10:59 pm

I think it depends on the ages of the kids, the nature of the kids, and how close these relatives are. Personally as a mother of young children who don't like to sit still, I find it very stressful to stay at people's homes that are not used to young children--adding more rules will likely add to that stress. Especially since if you give my 21month old son a plate, the plate will likely be dumped and flung across the room. I can tell him the rules about eating, but he hardly sits for 2 seconds, and he's fast. With the diapers, I understand the desire for such a rule, but I guess it depends on how much you'd like to chat with these relatives--it can be quite frustrating holding a conversation when you're interrupted my diaper changes every few minutes or the tantrums that can ensue by forcing a toddler to stop what they are doing to go for a diaper change. I've gotten pretty skilled at changing diapers and its done with and gone in a flash. Also, it can be exhausting in a big house to shlep the child back and forth, then come back for the next child (if necessary).

Parents with young children have to make consessions with the rules in their homes not out of lack of mentchlichkeit--but because toddlers are irrational beings and one needs to keep sanity. You are entitled to make your own house rules--just beware that these rules may make your guests uncomfortable and they may not feel comfortable during yom tov and may not come back. If those were the rules of my hosts, I would find it easier to come for a day visit than to stay for an extended period.

spinkles

Sat, Sep 29 2012, 11:13 pm

This thread reminded me of how stressful it used to be, going away for Yom Tov. The rules you want them to follow are perfectly reasonable and common sense. But their kiddos aren't used to those type of rules. So on top of dealing with the usual Yom Tov issues--tired, off-schedule, over-sugared kids--the parents are now going to have to suddenly police their kids over things that are okay in their own home. The kids aren't going to understand, and they're going to test limits. It's not going to be easy...not for you, and not for them.

freidasima

Sun, Sep 30 2012, 2:59 am

Actually gp I had exactly the same rules when I had my own kids and stuck to them. In EY with the bugs and climate food in the bedrooms or living room brings bugs immediately. Have to be vigilant about that otherwise you live in a roach and ant nest.
And as for diapers, sooty but we have a small house, very crowded and I don't want to see anyone's waste products. It's ten seconds to go into the bedroom, lay a kid on the bed on e may and change. We never had changing tables, who has room? Bedrooms have a bed, a chair and a closet. No dressers or tables. Why do I need a diaper blowout on my sofa? In a room with sforim? Bedrooms don't have sforim in my house but living dining room and terrace do.

imaima

Sun, Sep 30 2012, 5:47 am

zaq wrote:

amother wrote:

Your house, your rules--but beware of the tantrums that may be caused and that your guests may not come back.

In which case, who wants them to?

If you ready to trade your family relationship for a couple of crumbs and a diaper, then it shows how much you treasure it.

OP; I hope you make sure your family members are prepared to keep quiet when the toddlers sleep and remove child-unfriendly items from their reach...

imaima

Sun, Sep 30 2012, 5:48 am

freidasima wrote:

I have an impression OP has an "upstairs". Which means, shlepping everyone up and down all the time. Because what if your toddler leaves mess downstairs while you are changing the other one upstairs?

chani8

Sun, Sep 30 2012, 6:23 am

I think you are 100% right in your rules.

I have a problematic step in my home and before I let anyone near it, I point out the problem, beg them not to forget, and still remind them about it.

It is realistic to state that due to the amount of traffic (lots of guests), you've designated a diaper changing area and eating areas and need everyone to "remember".

If someone starts to break your rules, just say, "I need everyone to stick to the designated areas." And using big words works great on little kids, imo.

BlueEyes125

Sat, Oct 06 2012, 3:11 pm

To adults you can say something like, "We really try to keep the food in the kitchen/dining room/sukkah" and they should understand. To kids you can say, "We only eat in the kitchen/dining room/sukkah" and they get the hint-- maybe even more quickly than adults...

Re: diaper-changing-- "There are wipes, bags/diaper genie, a changing pad, and tushy cream in X location-- all ready!"

Unfortunately, adults seem to be more dense than kids sometimes.

sunflower_seed

Sat, Oct 06 2012, 5:33 pm

Aren't rules there to be broken?
I think it might work with most guests but there will be certainly some who cant abide by them.
Just don't get upset if someone seems to ignore your rules, I am sure they simply forgot- especially if they are not regular guests in your house.
Good luck!!!

sneakermom

Sat, Oct 06 2012, 10:26 pm

I think that it's all how you pull it off. Some people are great "leaders". They know how to get the oilim to do what they want, without anyone being offended. People like that tend to be very positive, but also strong willed so they come across as sincere and caring but also boundary oriented.

In any case you're very likely knee deep in guests right now...Good Luck!