Can this be true? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:04 pm

OK, if anyone has any insight into this, please help me out. My dd recently started a new high school. She has been very very down because she claims that you are judged by the type of phone you have (!!?) That the girls actually are broken down into groups by those who have iphone, vs. galaxy, vs. blackberry, etc. This is a well known all girls yeshiva high school.

Am I just out of it? Is this possible? I don't mean is this a good value, or should this be the case. I just want a little insight, either from those who have dds in high school, or those who have recently been in high school. Are phones such a major status symbol?

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:08 pm

I dont see why not?

I know that there was a class of 20, 8th graders who all convinced their mothers to buy them Kipling backpacks the summer before beginning 8th grade except for 2 students.

I could see that happening with phones.

I worked in a school last year where half of the 5th graders had iphones. they thought I was weird that I had a basic flip phone and only started texting last year.

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:31 pm

manhattanmom wrote:

what's the general school policy about cell phones in the school? Are girls social networking all day? exchanging pictures?

I just dont know....

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:33 pm

amother wrote:

manhattanmom wrote:

what's the general school policy about cell phones in the school? Are girls social networking all day? exchanging pictures?

I just dont know....

oh, sorry, the school does permit phones but obviously not to use in class.

zaq

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:49 pm

Horrible and pathetic, to be sure, but I can believe it--after all, some adults judge people by the cars they drive, and look at the recent madness before the release of the latest model iphone. It wasn't just HS girls sleeping on the sidewalk for days in order to get one, and it wasn't that these people desperately needed this device. Most of them already possessed one or more cell phones,and many possessed the model immediately preceding this one.

I think there's an almost irresistible human urge to classify people, with the ultimate objective of placing oneself at the top of the heap. Whether our criterion is education, occupation, religion, ethnicity, dress size, shoe style, lipstick brand, golf handicap, means of transportation or cell phone plan, we all want to feel that we're the best.

They're just HS kids, but don't you feel sorry for them that their sense of personal worth is so shaky that they have to rely on an electronic toy--and one that will soon be superseded, at that-- to boost their self-esteem?

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 7:58 pm

I can't imagine why they wouldn't be grouped judged classified based on their phones. it's a status symbol. It's a status symbol for most adults. maybe not a major difference between an iphone and an android but definitely between a simple flip phone and a android powered touch screen.

so it doesn't sound so outrageous to me. It's not any difference than the brand shoes, backpack and clothes you wear.

Simple1

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 8:03 pm

Some high schools (including my dds) don't allow cell phones. But there will always be something else to sit in as status symbols, bags, shoes, accessories, etc. I would guess that some schools are more competitive than others and maybe it's not even the whole class. You can also steer your dd away from the in crowd and to make friends with those that she is comfortable with.

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 8:21 pm

Ok ladies, so my next question: How does one proceed with teens with regard to status symbols and fitting in?

I was a child from a home of very limited means on scholarship in a very wealthy high school. But I was very different from my dd. I don't know if this is sad, or what, but I "knew my place". I knew that I could never fit in with the wealthy, popular kids from the "good" families so I never even cared or tried. I had my few friends who I loved and we happily didn't fit in together. But my dd is different. She wants to fit in, usually does fit in, needs to be part of the mainstream, and is depressed, torn between wanting the phone and simultaneously hating that that is what it takes to be accepted. She is not a girl who can be happy on the social sidelines.

So I am at a loss. I don't know what the right choices are because my realities were very different....

amother

Thu, Oct 11 2012, 8:23 pm

Simple1 wrote:

I tried this. She doesn't relate to this at all Sad

Hashemlovesme

Fri, Oct 12 2012, 12:25 am

I only have little kids, but what about meeting her half way, like saying that you know she needs a phone, backpack, whatever, but she doesn't NEED the "in" brand, so you will pay for the cost of a basic or even a nice one & if she wants she can get a job babysitting or tutoring or allowance.....& contribute to an upgrade. That way she can learn the value of $ & choose what is REALLY important enough to spend the extra $ on. It's really a tough call b/c you don't want her to be the odd 1 out, but you also don't want her to be swept up in materialism.....

FranticFrummie

Fri, Oct 12 2012, 1:02 am

Hashemlovesme wrote:

Agreed 100%!

My daughter is only in 4th grade, and there's already a divide between the girls with phones and the girls without. Sorry, but a 9 year old does NOT need a phone!

StrongIma

Fri, Oct 12 2012, 2:06 am

Hashemlovesme wrote:

well, I do have teens and this is exactly my approach with them - and it's logical to them as well.

I want them to learn that all these "things" have real-life prices and to learn to balance the long list of "things" they want to figure out priorities and to learn to pay for them (partly) themselves.