What would you do in my place?

amother

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 8:43 pm

We live in a nice, frum community. My husband has work which is very stressful + he gets paid per hour and has work only if there is work( so our income varies from month to month). He always says that sooner or later he'll have to look for a new job. Up until now we didn't have to struggle financially( I receive compensation from the government because im not working). Today( moze shabbes) my husband received a very good job offer in a different country with a very small frum jewish community( mostly baalei teshuvos like we also are) with chinuch that is even not comparable to the chinuch our children would receive here.( they are still small the oldest is not yet 2). So the job offer sounds amazing, but we hesitate to accept it because chinuch is so important and we are not used to living in a community with hardly any jewish live anymore( eventhough we both lived in that country before). We feel very comfortable here, I know the people here and have friends here. The only problem is my husbands job, but I have so many doubts about moving.

So what do you think is more important good, proper chinuch living in a big frum community but not so stable parnassa, or stable parnassa, small but frum community( with like one small kosher shop) with chinuch on a very low level? We have to give an answer by tomorrow...which is crazy in my opinion.

amother

Hotpink

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 8:54 pm

You should click on homeschooling forum and read posts. There are web sites today that allow you to homeschool your kids online, including Judaic subjects.

http://www.room613.net/members/room613

Last edited by amother on Wed, Jan 06 2016, 10:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 9:03 pm

OPINIONATED wrote:

You should click on homeschooling forum and read posts. There are web sites today that allow you to homeschool your kids online, including Judaic subjects.

http://www.room613.net/members/room613

No, there is chinuch there but not on the level its here...my kids are still small (toddler and baby). the community there is a small frum community mostly of baalei teshuvos our community here is a proper charedi community.( just that people will understand the difference) The adjustment would be very hard, for someone who is used to living in our current community.

MimiMommy

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 9:09 pm

I would line up the pros and cons of moving and see which one wins out. As tempting as it sounds, your husband does have a job now and uprooting yourself to a different country with little in the way of Jewish life just for a better paying job that may or
may not work out long term can be risky. OTOH, this can be seen as an adventure you can do while your kids are young and the community will probably welcome you with open arms, allowing you to be involved in ways you wouldn't be able to right now. Good luck with your decision.

morah

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 9:24 pm

It's worth considering the age of the community. If it's mostly young families like yours, chinuch options may very well improve (although if the community is so small, you would need to be willing to work to make it happen). If it's older families, that kind of change is far less likely.

gumby

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 9:36 pm

The new job does not have to be forever. You can try it out for a few years if it is not for you at that point you can reconsider remaining or leaving. Your husband would have had the experience of this job which could open new doors for him. Since your oldest is only two you have a few years until chinuch must be top quality until then you can supplement at home what yeshiva is lacking. I would though make sure you would be able to function there. Your children And your husband will be busy in school and work will there be anything for you to be happy with. It is very important because a happy mother/ wife makes for a happy household and easier adjustment.

manhattanmom

Sat, Oct 20 2012, 9:41 pm

gumby wrote:

totally agree with all of this.

amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 4:14 am

OP here. Thanks for all your responses, yes the community is very young indeed and growing, still it isn't the same as here. As for trying for a few years and coming back here makes me afraid, I have no real family left here( my mum moved away) and my husband wont have a job anymore. So if we leave it could be for good. And the chinuch there could improve but I can't be sure. thats why I'm afraid that everyone will forget us here and we'll have to start anew if we reconsider moving back.

catonmylap

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 4:22 am

I think it makes sense to take the offer and move..

Your oldest is only 2, you can reconsider things in a couple of years if you are not comfortable with the chinuch there. There are also loads of other communities; you don't have only these 2 to choose from if you decide to move again..

ora_43

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 4:57 am

I think it really depends on you as individuals. Some people love the challenge of being in a really small frum community but for others it's pure misery. If you, individually, would find it really hard to be in a place like that, it's OK to decide that you'd be happier with job-stress than community-stress.

Or vice versa.

Another big factor is how much it will cost you to move from one country to another. If you move there, could you end up stuck there without the funds to move back if you regret the decision? Or would the increase in salary from the new job cover the costs of the move within a few months?

And is the job one that will help him move up in his career, ie, look better on his resume than his current job?

shalhevet

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 6:19 am

The chinuch your children will receive and the environment they will grow up in are the most important things in your life. Hashem can give you parnassa anywhere - just daven to Him. This is so obvious to me that it's a nisayon (test).

And to those who say try it - it is much harder to uproot again, especially when then the choice might very well be a steady, well-paid job where you already live, as against no/ a worse job back in a place with good chinuch.

This is why we need to trust in Hashem (and irregular parnassa is also a way to work on trusting in Hashem).

merelyme

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 8:38 am

Chinuch, hands down.
Especially given your background and the situation you're describing.
Parnassah is directly from Hashem, and what we do is just hishtadlus anyway.

Here's wishing you much hatzlacha, nachas, and parnassah birvachah (in plenty)!

hycup

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 9:30 am

Good luck with whatever you decide, just make sure this doesn't happen to you: no job after move

Edit: I just realized that if you do take the job, you should definitely make sure that you are compensated for the moving costs, and/or if the job doesn't work out.

imaima

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 9:41 am

Your kids are still small so you probably don't feel it now, but are you completely integrated in your current community? Do you feel in any way discriminated against as BTs in a mostly FFb community? It won't be fun if it turns out that other kids don't play with yours or don't eat in your house because your are BTs.

Do you have real friends in your community now? Do you have any in the community where you were offered a job? (because you say you come from the country). Look if other people in the new place have kids your age? All these things become important as children grow.

whimsy

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 9:46 am

I would speak to a few families in the new community. Does small mean 20 shomer shabbos or 150? it is a big difference. How far is it from a larger jewish community? How stable is this job for your husband? Is there a warm frum circle of people you and your husband can connect to? How many students in each class? What is the hashkafa there? I was in a similar situation many years ago. Feel free to message me privately if you would like.

Hatzlacha!

Raisin

Mon, Oct 22 2012, 3:54 am

I think it depends a LOT on the community. Size, schools, etc. Small communities have an advantage in that kids do not get lost and will not be rejected from schools, so they can be wonderful places in that respect. But too small and there may not be a good quality chinuch, enough friends for your kids.

miriamnechama

Mon, Oct 22 2012, 4:12 am

It's funny a few years ago dh got a really good offer in canada, he was excited about the offer and moving, I wasn't, we turned the offer down in the end and looking back I don't know how my jkids would have handled the move.. ie israel and caada are just so different!!

amother

Thu, Oct 25 2012, 5:18 pm

So, we decided not to move...and honestly I don't regret the decision, the community there doesn't have any proper chinuch,(kindergarden is terrible and school is mixed) no, in our community we have no problem with being bt's, e1 eats in our house and kids get accepted in schools(I went to school here, my brother to cheder).
I have friends here and all...I'm happy we didn't go, eventhough the rav told us we can try and come back in 5-6 years.