Do you teach your children about inappropriate touch?

OheivYisrael

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 12:49 pm

eema of 3 wrote:

are there still people who dont talk to their kids????

depends how much time you spend on imamother...
If you're a regular, it seems crazy not to talk to the kids about this stuff. Every other discussion relates to it!!!
If you don't hear anything about the issue, I can understand not feeling pressure to teach it at a young age.

Fox

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 1:14 pm

chani8 wrote:

Yes I teach my kids personal safety. But I also teach messages like:

If things get weird, get outta there, get away from that person.

We trust and have friends, until they prove untrustworthy.

Saying no is hard to do, and we can only do the best we can about protecting ourselves, but we must tell someone when something bad happens.

This!

When kids are little, it's easy to focus on the "touching" and "secrets" elements of abuse. As they get older, a lot of other things come into play, particularly people who may be manipulative or exploitive -- whether or not there is inappropriate touching.

From the reading I've done, the most damaging part of abuse/exploitation is not necessarily the touching itself -- rather, the trust issues that follow the realization that one has been exploited for another person's gratification. And while SA hits all those buttons, there are plenty of other exploitive relationships that kids can fall into as they get older -- including some that don't seem outwardly inappropriate at all!

I think "if things get weird" is a perfect description. It's hard for younger kids to articulate when boundaries are being transgressed, and sometimes older kids don't immediately recognize unhealthy situations. Constantly helping them calibrate their "weird meters" is really the best defense.

abby1776

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 4:35 pm

We also got the Lets Stay Safe Book and read it often. But even before that we tried to teach our kids about appropraite and inappropriate touch - even our pediatrician (a frum dr) gave the same message - in fact both pediatricians I used, one in Monsey, and one in Baltimore - both frum, always said before examining that he was going to examine them but no one else should touch them inappropriately and that they should tell there parents if anyone ever touched them inappropriately - starting about when my son was 3 years old.

JayZsims

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 9:09 pm

I have a 5 1/2, a 3 1/2 and an almost 2 year old. I read the project yes, safety first book to my kids fairly frequently and I often remind them that their bodies belong to them. I have also told them that their Doctor can check their bodies as long as either myself or my husband are present. I stress that they are allowed to say no if anybody is touching them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If they are not in the mood to be kissed or hugged I tell them it's ok to say "Mommy please don't kiss me right now." And I listen. I also tell them that there are no secrets that exclude Mommy or Daddy. I think it is imperative that parents speak to their children about these issues and as my kids grow older I will continue to teach them to respect themselves and say no. Children know when they feel uncomfortable but they don't always know that they can say no to an adult (or older child). I think in this day and age, regardless of your background, you need to try your best to give your kids the proper tools to deal with this terrifying situation.

amother

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 11:01 am

I had talked to my son about this subject numerous times but still kids in his class touched him inappropriately and he did this to others too :-(
So now I don't know what more to do now with my second child. He is 4.
-abused

mfb

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 12:52 pm

amother wrote:

just want to add that I read a while ago somewhere that they tested a group of kids
some were told constantly never to go if with strangers even if they offer something or need help with finding something...
some were told it less often and some were never spoken to about it.
they took these kids to a park and had pple offer them candy if they come or ask for help finding a lost pet and they found that an equal percentage of each group went along so we can try our best but it doesnt always help