17 yr old. away at Yeshiva experimenting with alcohol.

elee124065

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 9:23 pm

My son is in an out of state yeshiva high school. He is a Senior. He has always been an exceptional student who has been mature and responsible. Ever since he went away (since 11th grade) he has changed. His limudei kodesh and limude kol grades have dropped and he seems to be very moody and evasive. Recently, he was suspended for a week because he got caught smoking a hukah pipe (water pipe) in his dorm with his roommate. If that wasn't enough, he confessed to me (B'H) that he also drank vodka and ending up vomiting from it. I didn't contact the school about the incident and I want my son to feel he can trust me and feel safe in revealing the bad choices he makes. I am working with him on the dangers of alcohol as well as tobacco. I do, however, feel that there is no supervision at my son's yeshiva. I feel like he is getting lost there. I also should mention that they don't have a mashgiach on site. The Menahel stated that my son's Rebbe plays the role of mashgiach. I am very worried about him. He wants to go to eretz Israel for yeshiva but I am fearful of sending him. Any feedback would be most welcome.

elee124065

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 9:33 pm

[quote="morah"]It sounds like he was at a local school until last year. Why did you send him away? Was he having problems in the original school? Can you bring him back locally now?[/quote

Thanks so much for your reply. I went to a local school in 9th and 10th. He did amazingly well there. I can't reveal anymore than that. I feel like he only has 5 months to graduate. I wish there was someone he can connect with and to guide him. I am also a single parent.[b]

elee124065

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 9:34 pm

[quote="morah"]It sounds like he was at a local school until last year. Why did you send him away? Was he having problems in the original school? Can you bring him back locally now?[/quote

Thanks so much for your reply. He went to a local school in 9th and 10th. He did amazingly well there. I can't reveal anymore than that. I feel like he only has 5 months to graduate. I wish there was someone he can connect with and to guide him. I am also a single parent.[b]

b from nj

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 9:44 pm

Can you discuss your concerns with the school & explain that you feel your son would benefit from having more of a kesher with his rebbe there? Maybe if you make the extra effort to request it, they will try to make the extra effort to accomodate. Regarding Israel for next year, try to find out if they can recommend a smaller Yeshiva where the rebbeim are known to make connections with the boys.

I, too am the parent of a 12th grader & I am concerned about sending him 6000 miles away. It is very scary on many levels. First there is the safety issue & there is also the ruchnius issue that many kids find themselves involved in drugs & other inappropriate activities when that is NOT what we parents are looking for when we are spending so much money sending them off to learn Torah is Eretz Yisrael!

Hatzlacha!!

amother

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 9:57 pm

elee124065 wrote:

My DH was sent to a boarding school in upstate NY. He said they had no supervision, all the did was drink and class trips revolved around alcohol. That prompted me to decide I would never send my DS away.
WADR, I do not think a hukah is the worst thing he could be doing- actually I would be far more worried about the alcohol than the hukah because IMVHO the alcohol would have worse effects.
Is there a local school you can bring him home to? It sounds to me like he isnt very happy there.

morah

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 10:03 pm

Five months is eternity for a high schooler. Unless you can ensure that he is getting proper supervision there or you can temporarily move for 5 months (or make VERY frequent trips over), I would bring him back home. And I would let him know that he's not going to EY unless he shapes up- the last thing he needs is to leave the country. He needs someone to keep a close watch on him, and it appears that that's not happening over at school. That situation needs to change ASAP. Hatzlacha.

MaBelleVie

Sat, Dec 29 2012, 11:21 pm

The hookah and one time alcohol experimentation wouldn't scare me terribly. What concerns me is the apparent lack of supervision, and the fact that he seems to be slipping academically. If this school isn't providing him with guidance or opportunities for academic growth, what IS the benefit of remaining there? It sounds like a bad environment for boys at a vulnerable age.

I wouldn't be worried about sending him to Israel at this point- but I would only consider a small yeshiva with close mentoring and supervision.

ruth

Sun, Dec 30 2012, 2:37 am

I sympathize with your plight. I too am a single mom. Don't send him to Israel. sounds like he would be better off boarding with a family rather than being without a parental type figure, ie someone more involved in his daily life. If he opened up to you this is good. Talk to him about what he thinks would be a better setting for him. Be creative. PM me and we can discuss this. I understand sometimes there are reasons a child needs to be somewhere other than home... (((((hugs))))))