Is it a Ashkanazi custom to bring food gifts to your host?

its all good

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 11:28 am

Every time we get invited out to eat for shabbos my dh and I get into a disagreement-I say we should bring a food gift to our host but my dh disagrees he says that its a sephardi practice and we are ashkanaz.
Is it a Ashkanazi custom to bring food gifts to your host?

busydev

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 11:59 am

I dunno about ashkenazi/sefardi but we generally only bring gifts if we are staying for shabbos and its not family. usually not for a meal.

Mrs Bissli

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 12:06 pm

Depends on what you mean by food gifts. I see nothing wrong bringing a box of chocolates or biscuits either sephardi or ashkenazi houses, so long as they have proper hechsherim.

Also it's more common to ask what you can bring (a course, a side dish, desserts) if you're really close with the hostess. Though no self-respecting sephardi balabusta proud of her cooking skill would likely encourage guest from bringing cooked foods. It's as if you're dissing hostess's culinary skill (which is definitely a big no-no).

Chayalle

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 12:38 pm

If you're invited for just the meal, it's not necessarily expected that you would bring a gift. You can offer to make something but your hostess might decline. You can bring along something packaged - like chocolates or wine, if you want to.

If you go for a Shabbos, you would normally bring a gift, like chocolates, candy, or wine.

I do think the whole gift giving business sometimes gets out of hand. For example, my neighbor had her parents for Shabbos and they stayed in our guest room. They bought me a beautiful candy dish with chocolates. While of course we enjoyed it, I feel that when these things become "expected" it cheapens the mitzva of Hachnosas Orchim. I wish people wouldn't feel pressured to bring a gift.

louche

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 12:42 pm

It's not "an ashkenazi custom"--it's an accepted courtesy of Western society* to bring a "bread-and-butter gift" aka a "hostess gift" when one is a guest. It may, but doesn't have to be, a gift of food. Flowers, wine, something decorative for the house or the kitchen, or food, are all pretty standard.

*meaning secular Western society. Not having ever lived in the Far East, I can't speak for secular Eastern society. I've had sefaradi guests bring the exact same type of gifts as ashkenazim, but then they're living in the US.

Last edited by louche on Fri, Apr 16 2010, 1:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

flowerpower

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 12:43 pm

If you go to someone for a meal then you can bring some chocolate or some dessert. It is a way or expressing thank you. There are no rules. If you often to that person then it is really not necessary to keep bringing each time.

Peanut2

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 1:20 pm

We give something whenever we got for a meal, usually wine or dessert. Dessert can mean chocolate or a cake I made myself. If asked, we'll bring a side dish, challah, whatever.

Both my mother and mil would be very upset if they ever found out that we didn't bring something.

Asheknazi here, but not sure it's an ashkenazi issue.

MrsDash

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 3:18 pm

Growing up my family had people over for meals from all walks of life. Some brought a gift while others didn't. I never noticed a specific "type" bring more than the other. Maybe it's something you're brought up with, or maybe it is a custom, but I never really heard of it being strictly one way.

Hubby and I always bring a bottle of wine when we get invited out for a meal. It's just something my family did/does and so I guess I'm continuing on this that "tradition."

Yocheved84

Fri, Apr 16 2010, 3:35 pm

Growing up, we always brought babka. As an adult, I've continued that tradition. It was funny when word got back to me while dating DH to stop bringing babka to the grandmother's house...I guess there's only so much of that one can eat... Smile

Besiyata Dishmaya

Sat, Apr 17 2010, 4:40 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Even if we are guest every week at the same place (parents, in-laws, friends), we'd bring something each time but not necessarily food.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Sat, Apr 17 2010, 4:53 pm

Inspired wrote:

Its just good etiquette afaik. Not a jewish custom.

Right, not a custom and not a halachah. Louche explained it well.

bnm

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 8:47 am

Besiyata Dishmaya wrote:

flowerpower wrote:

Even if we are guest every week at the same place (parents, in-laws, friends), we'd bring something each time but not necessarily food.

when eating at parents I don't bring something each time but every once in a while I'll buy a container of chocolates, ice cream for dessert etc. for Tu Bshvat I bought a bottle of sparkling grape juice etc

sunflower_seed

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 8:52 am

I like to bring something when invited.
I dont expect guests to bring us though.
Where I live now it's not an accepted thing to bring anything.
When we were living in UK it's much more common there.
We are ashkenazim.

MrsDash

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 9:01 am

schuli wrote:

Is there a halachic problem with bringing sth on shabbos? Like wine or cake?

I've been told that if I bring it as something for all of us to enjoy, it's not considered a "gift," and is allowed on shabbos. I know of some people who bring it before shabbos to be on the safe side.

Barbara

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 9:16 am

MrsDash wrote:

schuli wrote:

Is there a halachic problem with bringing sth on shabbos? Like wine or cake?

AIUI, if you're bringing something on Shabbat (and obviously to do so, you would need to live in a place with an eruv), it has to be something to be used on Shabbat. So its OK to bring dessert, or a bottle of wine (if it will be used), or challah. But if you're going to a home that uses tea essence, not tea bags, on Shabbat, it would not be proper to bring an assortment of teas.

Ruchel

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 12:38 pm

Oh. SEFARAD is not in the Western world now.

As for bringing dishes, I have never heard of it unless asked to. In any circle, anywhere.

shlomitsmum

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 1:13 pm

We were told it is a nice gesture but not propper on shabbos as there is the issue of adquiring something ....so we felt kinda embarrassed

and have not brought stuff since (unless we drop off beforehand).