MM vs ML | Imamother

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

MM vs ML

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

r_ch

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 11:40 am

Is there anyone here who gives only 2 mishloach manos per family and the rest of the money intended for Purim, for matonos leevionim? I'd like to see someone like that and learn from her.

Each year am stressed out because what if someone unexpected comes and brings and what am I going to give him in return? So I prepare tons of MM just in case and also for the people who were so nice to have brought the last year and ... and... there's no end. How do you do it? Thanks.

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 11:44 am

Mishloach Manot is not reciprocal so if someone comes and I didn't plan to give them, I don't feel any pressure whatsoever to give them one in return.

I make a certain number MM and give those out. That's it. End of story.

smss

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 11:48 am

yesha, I think it can hurt people's feelings if they felt close enough to you to make you a mm, but when they give it to you they find out you don't feel close enough to them to make THEM one...

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 11:52 am

smss wrote:

yesha, I think it can hurt people's feelings if they felt close enough to you to make you a mm, but when they give it to you they find out you don't feel close enough to them to make THEM one...

Then that's their issue that they will have to get past.

A few years ago my husband and I started a minhag that we actually DON'T give to our circle of friends, that we give pretty much only to people we're minimally acquainted to or even to strangers - the random bus or taxi driver, the receptionist at the health clinic, the random soldier. One year we went to the local fire station and gave.

r_ch

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 11:58 am

YESHASettler wrote:

A few years ago my husband and I started a minhag that we actually DON'T give to our circle of friends, that we give pretty much only to people we're minimally acquainted to or even to strangers - the random bus or taxi driver, the receptionist at the health clinic, the random soldier. One year we went to the local fire station and gave.

This sounds soooo right! But how to break the habit? Confused

BeershevaBubby

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 12:01 pm

As the Nike ads say... "just do it" LOL

bbmom

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 12:23 pm

I don't give any of my close friends. I only give to my kids teachers. Giving teachers is the norm in my kids schools so I can't not do it- therefore we fulfill the mitzvah that way and we don't give anyone else.

r_ch

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 12:25 pm

bbmom wrote:

I didn't even start counting teachers! LOL

Apart from that. What do you do if someone drops by with a MM?

freidasima

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 12:41 pm

It is really not nice not to give someone who gives you unless of course someone is so poor that they can only afford the minimum al pi din.

We always have an extra two or three around even if they are made up of recycled stuff from other people's packages, so that people aren't hurt by this.

That having been said, I know people who give a minimum mishloach manos to others - meaning only two nice things - and spend the bulk of their funds for purim on Matanos laevyonim. It can be done.

B"h we can afford to do both. This year I decided that as we are giving far fewer MM than in previous years (unfortunately many neighbors have recently either moved away or been niftar and the other partner is mostly with their children and the apartments are empty) I want to give simple but very nice ones. But I would truly be embarrased if someone would come to my door to give me - meaning that we were important enough to be given to - but not have something prepared for them.

This of course does not include dh's talmidim who come in droves, but other than them? Adults? Never turn anyone away emptyhanded on Purim. The whole idea of both MM and ML is chessed and one can only imagine what it does to a person to think...."I shlepped out to the X family to bring them MM and they didn't even think I was important enough to them to have thought of me"...

Which is why we have prepared cards with "Purim sameach from family X" and a dvar torah of sorts on it, but I keep a stack of them and a pen near the stack in the kitchen so that when someone gives, I can quickly write their name "for family Y" on the card to make it look personal and no one is hurt.

Last edited by freidasima on Mon, Feb 11 2013, 4:17 pm; edited 1 time in total

r_ch

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 4:14 pm

freidasima wrote:

a pen near the stack in the kitchen so that when someone gives, I can quickly write their name "for family Y" on the card to make it look personal and no one is hurt.

That's a nice idea, thank you.

mamommommy

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 4:21 pm

An idea: Give out the few mishloach manos that you would like to give, and then purchase "Purim Cards" from a tzedaka organization (there are many around) to give to everyone else, including those who come to your door. Then you can use friedasima's idea and personalize each card as you give them out. This way, the bulk of your Purim spending is going to tzedaka and not to costly mishloach manos.

myself

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 4:35 pm

We also don't give friends but there's still often the unexpected. In that case I usually give a prepared one if there's still one around otherwise I tell them 'I have one for you too but will drop it in soon'. This often happens even when we had planned to give them as they may have come really early or DH may have taken some on his rounds and I don't have them at home or it's just too busy etc. This way nobody's hurt.

tsiggelle

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 4:56 pm

smss wrote:

yesha, I think it can hurt people's feelings if they felt close enough to you to make you a mm, but when they give it to you they find out you don't feel close enough to them to make THEM one...

many discuss this with friends family and neighbors before purim to prevent hurt.

emama

Mon, Feb 11 2013, 5:27 pm

We give a donation to various organizations (usually ones dealing with food) and send their cards to our friends- in place of mishloah manot. We give actual mishloah manot for the mitzvah (2 different items to one person) to our next door neighbor, who happen not to be observant, so it also helps share the holiday with them.
The mitzvah of matanot l'evyonim is practiced much more seriously in our home.
Personally, we are very pleased to see that over the years, many of our friends and those in our community, have realized that none of us need the candy and cake, and others really do need the gifts they receive from the organizations or the Rabbi.

Years ago, before organizations had cards for Purim, we'd make a donation (our kids would help me shop for the food bank) and then send out our own photocopied card telling our friends we made such and such donation, and wishing everyone a Purim sameach. Our children, when they were younger,were allowed to give small mishloah manot to their friends.

imaima

Tue, Feb 12 2013, 9:58 am

r_ch wrote:

This year I have so much stuff going on around this time that I only 4 MMs, 2 items each. I have actually already made them. That's it. One less thing to worry about.

flowerpower

Tue, Feb 12 2013, 10:02 am

I always make like 5 extra for those that give unexpected. I dont feel good getting and not reciprocating. If I make, whats the difference if I make a few more. The teachers get something else. They don't need my homemade stuff.

Page 1 of 1