was this a rude/nasty thing to say?

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2013, 7:37 pm

My sister is away at the moment in Israel. One of her friends wrote on her facebook wall yesterday "I miss you" etc and "you haven't spoken to me for ages" etc . My sister replied just because I haven't been in contact, I'm still thinking of you. Today her friend wrote "I miss your annoying face, and your whiny voice"

do you find that ok?

Personally, I would never speak like this to my friend?

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2013, 7:41 pm

I'm sure they are inside jokes. Teens like to tease each other.

Why are you stalking her page?

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2013, 7:48 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sure they are inside jokes. Teens like to tease each other.

Why are you stalking her page?

I never even look at her page. it came up on my homepage that's all, that "her name" wrote on my sister's wall.

jflower

Thu, Mar 21 2013, 8:01 pm

Yes, I think that was very nasty and not at all funny.

I just don't understand people sometimes.

amother

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 1:01 pm

jflower wrote:

Yes, I think that was very nasty and not at all funny.

I just don't understand people sometimes.

ok at least it's not only me. I don't see what's funny about it.

bananasplit

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 1:04 pm

Thats sounds very rude and mean, especially on her facebook page.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 1:36 pm

None of your business.

You don't know the inside codes of others' relationships.

As FB is so very public, it might not have been terribly discreet, but people forget.

The girl is obviously trying to put a strong face on her own longing for some contact with your sister, whom she misses badly. No biggie.

sequoia

Fri, Mar 22 2013, 1:41 pm

My friend and I talk that way sometimes. We are really close. We understand each other.

Peanut2

Sat, Mar 23 2013, 2:51 pm

Teens sometimes call each other nasty names. Ever seen the movie mean girls?

When I was in high school there were girls calling each other crackwh@res.

Just mind your own business on this one.

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Mar 23 2013, 10:22 pm

OP, sorry I wasn't more sensitive. My post bothered me over Shabbos. Coarse language isn't harmless. It is a lack of personal discipline of the tongue that can have bad consequences.

I am assuming your sister is a big girl and doesn't need you to defend her.

This crudeness may be part of why this friend hasn't heard from your sister for a while. The girl who wrote that may not be a bad person, but she seems to have ungoverned and inconvenient ways of talking. That's not attractive, and can make a person more trouble than they are worth. Words hurt.

And you didn't go looking, an alert came to you and threw this in your face, from what I understand.

So I withdraw my insensitivity. My ears were asleep or something.

Peanut, what you report is icky and not acceptable; it's not you, but they were out of line, and went over the line.

So I am sorry. I don't know what was wrong with me. Pesach tensions or something. But that's no excuse.

amother

Sat, Mar 23 2013, 10:38 pm

Dolly Welsh wrote:

Please don't worry, I totally forgive you. I feel like that all the time as well, guilty that I might have said something wrong. Anyhow, the reason why I wrote this was because , yes I did not "look at her page", it came up on my homepage and I was just interested, just like I would want to see a picture of my sister if it came up. I don't ever click on her page unless something alerts me to it. I also wanted to ask this because I did not like seeing what she wrote as I know that my sister has very low self esteem as it is , and even though she might not have meant to hurt I just felt it wasn't appropriate but in truth I don't know why I asked because that's the way I felt and that's that, my sensitivity level is highly pronounced and I can't help that so I'm better keeping it to myself.

Anyway Dolly, bless you

Dolly Welsh

Sat, Mar 23 2013, 10:49 pm

Your sensitivity level is not highly pronounced. It is normal.

That is what I meant.

This the root of everything: a sensitivity level. Logic won't save us.

And thanks for the blessing.

You can mumble something to your sister in the shape of "whaaaaa? Ewwwww. You're nothing like that."

ValleyMom

Sat, Mar 23 2013, 11:51 pm

Maybe if we were 17 we would find it amusing?!

Who knows how the teenage mind works.

granolamom

Sun, Mar 24 2013, 12:11 am

my teen dd and her friends talk to each other this way. I find it highly offensive and rude, and I have spoken to dd about this a bazillion times but there is nothing I can do about it.
since this is your sister, not your dd, I doubt there is anything you can do about it either.
but I am with you. I do not find this to be 'ok' and I wouldnt speak to anyone that way.

causemommysaid

Sun, Mar 24 2013, 3:14 am

when I was a teenager some of my friends used to talk like this and I would get really hurt but I never said anything cause that wouldnt be "cool".

Even today some of those friends still say stuff like that sometimes and its still hurtful (although they mostly grew out of it)

insulting friends even as a joke is not funny because it creates an "unsafe" environment for those kids who arent secure enough with the friendship to either brush it off or to say "please stop insulting me"