How do you give money to someone who won't accept it?

amother

Sat, Mar 30 2013, 11:40 pm

I have a friend with bli ayin hara a large family and she and her husband both work but don't make a lot.

She lives very simply, and needs to buy two bunk beds but won't take money from me.

How can I give it to her?

amother

Sat, Mar 30 2013, 11:45 pm

One time, I was in a situation like this. I found out what my friend wanted, bought it, and showed up at her door with the bed. When she asked how much it cost, I said, "I'm a great shopper. You only owe me X dollars (about half the cost).

seeker

Sat, Mar 30 2013, 11:48 pm

If you know where she's planning to buy and it's that kind of store, you can talk to the owner/manager and ask them to tell the buyer a lower price and you'll pay the difference. You could encourage this to work by suggesting the store to your friend - first arrange with the owner and then, "Hey Surie, I know you're looking for bunk beds, yknow there's this store Fishel's Furnishings that has some really great pieces at amazing prices, their customer service is great and I just love them, you should check it out before you look anywhere else!"

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 12:11 am

put the money in an envelope and put it through the mail slot, that way the mitzvah will be anonymous and your friend wont be embarrassed.

amother

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 12:37 am

Just be very careful when you drop the money. Did this once and the baal habayis opened the door as I was dropping the envelope in the slot. Very awkward. I would mail it. Plain envelope. No return address. Print out the address, don't write it.

You sound like a good friend.

Isramom8

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 3:28 am

I love the story in one of the first Maggid books about a man who told a family that he bought a ton of discount damaged cans of food and they can come buy some off him. He said the food was fine and only the cans were damaged. Then he called his kids to come and help him bang the cans with hammers to damage them. What looked like destruction was constructive chessed.

This is why Hashem gives us creativity, to use it for mitzvos.

Jewishmom8

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 3:49 am

maybe find out where she wants to get from
if its a frum store maybe make a plan with them.
like have them call her and tell them they are offering this last set at a close out price as they want to be rid of it. then she wont know you were even part of it.

those work the best from so who wont take.

but also keep in mind if it will make her feel horrible as a person to know that you did it, if she would find out it may not be worth it. that has been a big lesson for me to learn as a person involved in diffrent things.

chani8

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 3:51 am

I guess I'll be the one to say, if she doesn't want your money, don't give it to her. This is not about food or medical expenses, this is about a bunk bed.

My friend and I would help each other by keeping our eyes open for giveaways or gently used things. That sounds more like what your friend would appreciate, rather than your money.

If she told you she needed a bunk bed, it was not because she wanted you to rescue her, but just to shmooze/vent, and you are embarrassing her by this attempt to give her tzeddaka. IMO.

Raisin

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 10:36 am

chani8 wrote:

maybe her kids are sleeping on mattresses and there is not enough room for clothes.

chani8

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 10:41 am

Raisin wrote:

chani8 wrote:

maybe her kids are sleeping on mattresses and there is not enough room for clothes.

I'm in Israel, and not having a proper bed for the kids is not pikuach nefesh. Some large families in small apartments simply throw down a bunch of mattresses and the kids fall wherever they can find a soft spot. I've seen that with my own eyes. A bunk bed would not help in that situation.

amother

Sun, Mar 31 2013, 1:34 pm

amother wrote:

Please don't mail it unless it's insured. I mailed a check to someone a week befor passover. The check never arrived to the person it was mailed to. Called the bank and was notified that the check was deposited... who knows by whom. B"H it wasn't very a large amount so no big loss here. Smile