My 17 Year Old DAUGHTER wants to join the US Army

Tamiri

Fri, May 03 2013, 3:35 am

If it turns out she REALLY wants to be in the army.... she can join the Israeli army and be a good, Jewish, RELIGIOUS woman soldier. It most likely won't open career options for her future, but it's a decent choice if she is REALLY interesting in serving. BTW, the religious women soldiers can wear full-length skirts, long sleeves etc. I see it all the time (I was one, a long time ago).

StrongIma

Fri, May 03 2013, 5:53 am

notshanarishona wrote:

Op I am glad for you that you talked things out.

As a side point, I am shocked by how many posters think there is no problem with a girl joining the army.. It's very difficult to stay religious and the type of znus and other things that goes on these is not appropriate for a frum girl.
In a theoretical sense, it is nice to be all patriotic about serving the country but there are many other ways to do it.

another side point - these are the same exact reasons that 'chareidim' hesitate to put on IDF uniforms.

Yes, Tamiri - there certainly are religious soldiers with skirts and long sleeves, but they are definitely in the minority - even most religious girl soldiers generally don't dress with total tzniyut - and there's unfortunately zenus in our army as well.

tzfatisha

Fri, May 03 2013, 8:46 am

taking a GAP year sounds very sensible and will give her a chance to mature. the problem is if there are any jobs with the economy being the way it is.
if she can't find a job, perhaps she can do some worthwhile volunteering programme.
there are also such volunteer programmes here in israel. not sem programmes.
that could also be an option.
e.g. kibbutz volunteering. -there are quite a few religious kibbutzim that want volunteers to work in them.
or what about checking out yr local hospital.. they may offer something suitable...
and of course she could also volunteer for the israeli army.. without making aliyah.. Wink

PinkFridge

Fri, May 03 2013, 11:36 am

notshanarishona wrote:

FTR, I don't think it's a good idea, but it seemed helpful for OP to tell her that she knows it's coming from a good place.
OP, thanks for clarifying. It sounds like you have a solid citizen for a child and ashrecha for that. It also sounds like she has some self-confidence in that she feels she can get better testing grades, but I also wonder how much she might benefit from options to feel good - volunteering, mentoring, etc. I don't know what your community options are.

As to her not being typical - yes, parenting would be much easier if all our kids were Stepford kids, or an easy mold. But it is more interesting this way! And not all kids work in camps, there just aren't that many camps, and not everyone's cut out for it. Some girls would love to get real jobs, in offices, for the experience and $$. There might be options. Some communities, due to the recession, have informal employment bureaus with lots of networking. Maybe there's someone you can contact, or a Jewish Vocational Services type of thing from your local Federation. But chances are she'll get a low level job - the key will be her showing up and performing, getting experience doing so and a paycheck. It'll be good for her.

amother

Fri, May 03 2013, 12:34 pm

Some of these posts here are boggling my mind. This attitude of wow that's amazing thing to do is very idealistic and not founded ins reality. First of all as much as I believe women should be provided with the same opportunities that men are offered if you don't see the difference between an 18 yr old girl and an 18 yr old boy joining the army. You are living in denial.

morah

Fri, May 03 2013, 2:37 pm

FTR, frum or not, I don't think the army is a good place for a woman. Rape and s-xual harassment occur at roughly 3X the rate of in the civilian population. But this thread has turned out to be not about that at all- its a kid about to graduate with no idea of what to do next. We seem to have established that the conventional option is just not in the cards. That's OK. The mother did not "go wrong". Now is the time for the daughter, in consultation with those older and wiser- which includes, but is not limited to mom- to figure out a useful plan. Seems the op is working on that already.

granolamom

Fri, May 03 2013, 2:38 pm

OP, I think you're doing great with your dd.
Her individuality is a challenge for her, but for you as well. an opportunity for growth for the both of you.
I think its great you are staying open minded with her and able to keep open lines of communication. seems that she still very much wants/needs/respects your guidance.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, May 03 2013, 6:43 pm

A little therapy, OP? You have done so many wonderful things, you have a great kid, and you are rather negative about yourself and your past.

You are a very communicative and honest mommy. Very nice.

That's the coin of real love.

Some people are self-home-schoolers. Get a whole lot of books and don't say anything, just leave them lying around.

If she can face the army she may be getting ready for marriage, which is similar.