What age do you discuss puberty with your children and how?

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 07 2013, 5:54 pm

With DD, I let her lead. She's naturally curious, and hears things at school and at shul from older girls. She also notices that people's bodies change as they grow older.

She will come to me and ask me if she can ask a private question, and I make special time for her. She tells me what's on her mind, and we'll discuss it and clear up any misconceptions. (and some of them were pretty hysterical!) LOL

When she's heard enough, she'll change the subject or ask if she can go play. She's really quick to cut me off if she feels like I'm over explaining or veering into TMI. She seems to naturally know exactly how much info she needs for each stage of her life, and not a bit more. I love that she feels so comfortable coming to me, and we are very matter of fact about it.

DH recently bought a book of basic human anatomy, with pictures of muscles, nerves, brain structure, etc. There was an illustration of a woman with a 8 month pregnancy. She really liked that page, although now she is firmly convinced that she is going to adopt! When she got to the page with a man on it, she flipped past it really fast and said "I don't need to know that stuff!".

BTW, DD is almost 10, and most of her friends are starting to show in the chest area. She hasn't started yet, and wants to know what's in store for her. It seemed about the right time for her to know more. She still has NO idea how the baby gets in there or what the husband has to do with it. Very Happy

She doesn't want to know, either.

Clarissa

Tue, May 07 2013, 5:58 pm

I do it based on maturity and the kinds of questions they ask. If they ask, I answer, at any age. But I offer into at a time that's based on maturity and timing.

My older son learned EVERYTHING in school in the 4th grade. I mean, a totally comprehensive s*x ed program at his school. So I looked over the materials and asked if he had any questions. He'd known some stuff before, maybe a lot, but they covered everything under the sun.

When he was little he asked a lot of questions, and I answered, but tailored it to his age and maturity level. Same with my younger son At this point, he knows women have a uterus and a man and a woman provide parts. At this point my older son knew a lot more, because he was ready to know and he asked questions. By 8 or 9 I think kids need to learn the basics of puberty, because it starts so early these days.

cpa613

Tue, May 07 2013, 6:18 pm

I have a beautiful book called "The Wonder of Becoming You - How a Jewish Girl Grows Up" written by Dr. Miriam Grossman. It explains menstruation/puberty in an age appropriate way. I've read this book together with my daughters, usually when they're somewhere between 10-11. It does not deal with the details of how a woman gets pregnant which is fine for that age.

usernamemom

Tue, May 07 2013, 6:58 pm

A must read: Talking to your children about intimacy by Diamant (or s/t like that- search on amazon) it's a quick read with great literal scripts and explanations to use. Also, it's not one big discussion- it's better if you can gradually and more casually introduce bits and pces as they come along. I like to do it from a young age, since the more I teach them first, the less they'll hear on the schoolbus. Good luck!

Ruchel

Wed, May 08 2013, 4:47 am

cpa613 wrote:

Yup.
Unfortunately, nothing for Jewish boys. I asked and asked and asked.

I plan to discuss it before bas mitsva.

c.c.cookie

Wed, May 08 2013, 5:24 am

cpa613 wrote:

My mother read that book with me when I was ten. It really prepared me well, and I was very emotionally healthy with all the changes my body went through. I feel it also helped me be more mature about girls who matured earlier than me.
I read the book with my daughter when she was ten. She enjoyed the "quality time" with me very much, and had her opportunities to ask any questions she had.

imasinger

Wed, May 08 2013, 6:41 am

I like to share the info with the kids about how they will be changing about a year or two before it happens, with more detailed info as needed. That way, they are intrigued at first rather than embarrassed.

The details of the facts of life can be explained at that time, but don't have to be.