ok to teach non Jewish boy?

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Working Women

Ok to teach non Jewish boy?

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:21 pm

I work for a tutoring agency and they want me to do a job teaching a boy one afternoon a week. It's not a Jewish agency, but I've only started and this is the first time it's been a boy pupil. He's 16, I'm 22.

oliveoil

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:26 pm

What's the problem?

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:26 pm

that is so offensive. what does it matter whether it is a Jewish or non Jewish boy? you are teaching secular subject so what does it matter what religion, colour or race their child is?
secondly, what's the problem with teaching a boy? Please do not tell the agency that you do not want to teach a boy - they will think there is something wrong with you.

Clarissa

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:30 pm

I'm confused. If it's a non-Jewish agency, didn't you think you'd be teaching non-Jews?

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:31 pm

I dont think it makes a diff if he is Jewish or not. But is it in your comfort zone/ hashkafic views to teach boys in general?

morah

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:37 pm

Look, if this is a non-Jewish agency, you had to have figured this scenario would occur. You don't get to choose who to teach, especially not if it's based on gender or race or creed. For what it's worth, I hang out with 16 year old boys all day. These days, they're all Jewish, but when I taught public school, they weren't. I saw no problem with it. I have to keep certain boundaries as a teacher anyway- boundaries that happen to dovetail pretty nicely with halacha. If you're really uncomfortable, then you won't be able to continue at this job and you'll have to restrict yourself to Jewish-only. Nothing wrong with that, if it's what you want, but it IS limiting.

greenfire

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:39 pm

if that's your job - then no reason why not

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 9:46 pm

don't really understand the problem - surely you knew that many boys need tutoring too?
or were you under the apprehension that it was a girls only clientele or something? (never heard of such a thing)
it's hard enough getting jobs, why limit your chances further
you're not going to marry the boy, you're going to tutor him. As part of the job, you are required to uphold professional manner and standards. And from a teaching point alone, it will be a good experience for you.
What are you worried about? is it because you have to go to his house and you are afraid? I am sure he is not a danger to you, he's just a school kid and his parents arranged for him to have tutoring.

busybuthappy

Mon, May 20 2013, 10:23 pm

I currently tutor a sixteen year old boy, I am in my twenties, I am perfectly comfortable with it, u might not be, but then working for this agency might not be the best idea for you, because u cannot really turn them down for this reason.

amother

Mon, May 20 2013, 10:23 pm

Well I can kind of see where you are coming from - it's like a dream scenario for the boy, lol. In theory I kind of think that you're too close in age to teach 16 yr old boys, but I guess that, as you are a religious Jewish woman it's different.
The main thing to do is create boundaries, don't become too personal with him. I'm not saying this will happen, but it happens more often where teachers/tutors forget about boundaries. If he has your cell number don't text him about anything but the subjects, no counseling about his life or situations. I have done tutoring before and sometimes part of the job does become about listening to their problems, even if it's just problems with the school/work. That's ok, but don't go more personal than that. This is the way to stay safe. All in all its rare that you would be in any form of danger, but just remember not to give him any chance to think that there is something between the two of you.

seeker

Mon, May 20 2013, 10:35 pm

Objectively, yes, it's OK. However, if it's outside your comfort zone, you don't have to accept this case. However, if you're new to the agency, don't count on getting a whole lot more cases so quickly if you start turning them down...

Are you specifically a high school/college tutor? Because in that case you can expect to run into this issue quite often. I like working with older kids but sometimes if I'm dealing through an agency, particularly one I'm less familiar with, I tell them I prefer elementary students so they won't think it strange if I turn down an older-boy case.

DrMom

Tue, May 21 2013, 1:11 am

You are a tutor for a non-Jewish agency.

Surely you expected to be tutoring some non-Jewish pupils?

Surely you realized that there is ~50% chance that your student would be male?

If you felt this was an issue, what were you thinking when you took this job??

Rodent

Tue, May 21 2013, 1:11 am

I teach ages 15-18 co-ed all the time. My first job I was 22. It's no big deal.
My first teaching experience at all was age 20 in an all boys school.
You're there to teach them, what do you think is going to happen!?

sunflower_seed

Tue, May 21 2013, 9:30 am

if its in his home and your dh is oot there might be a yichud problem. ask your rav if its ok for you. I was once teaching an 11 yo but had to pause when dh was oot. I asked a shaila

morah

Tue, May 21 2013, 9:39 am

sunflower_seed wrote:

if its in his home and your dh is oot there might be a yichud problem. ask your rav if its ok for you. I was once teaching an 11 yo but had to pause when dh was oot. I asked a shaila

The kid's parents would be there. Most tutoring agencies would require that. It would be a huge liability on them otherwise.

Clarissa

Tue, May 21 2013, 9:52 am

sunflower_seed wrote:

if its in his home and your dh is oot there might be a yichud problem. ask your rav if its ok for you. I was once teaching an 11 yo but had to pause when dh was oot. I asked a shaila

If her rav says no, then she's out of the tutoring business if she's not working for an Orthodox Jewish agency that would understand such concerns. It would have been a question to ask before she signed with this agency. As far as the parents being home (Morah mentioned that), I don't know that it's required, particularly if it's in the afternoon when the parents might be working. I've never heard of it being a requirement, except in cases when the parents have to sign some form that the tutoring took place.

amother

Tue, May 21 2013, 7:54 pm

I also have not heard of any agency telling parents that they have to be in the house. I find it unlikely they would do that. If the parents need to go out or are at work then they are out. However, I would think that most parents would actually want to ensure that someone else is in the house because they don't want to leave the child alone in the house with the tutor. Also, they might want to talk with the tutor afterwards.
The tutors simply must trust that the agency sends them to clients who are safe I guess. If the parents have gone to the trouble of going via an agency I am sure they are genuine and safe. It's the safest option, as opposed to a tutor putting an ad in a shop window and potentially going to the house of someone dodgy who might not even be a child at all.

But back to the question, the only thing from a halachic perspective here is the POSSIBILTY that op might be left alone with the boy in the house. Apart from that, I don't see anything wrong about this situation. Plenty of kids have tutors of the opposite relations. I had a male tutor for maths. Weren't you taught by male teachers in school? So what's the difference except it's a one to one? The fact that you are close in age just makes it more friendly and pally which is good for the child. They probably want to employ young tutors for this reason, because kids and teens learn better with someone "on their level" who they can look up to, who is likeable, laid back and understanding (used to exam pressure etc), instead of old and out of touch from them.
I don't understand what you are worried about and what you think is going to happen. Also, I have no idea what his not being Jewish has to do with anything. As others have said, why on earth did you join this agency if you don't want to teach non Jews? The way you phrased your question is really odd and alarming. How would you like it if someone didn't want to teach you because you are Jewish and wrote "ok to teach Jewish girl?"

busydev

Wed, May 22 2013, 10:53 am

Well there are more yichud issues with a non Jew then with a Jew from what I remember. and if only the father is home that doesnt help.

I would ask a rav about it to see what you do or dont have to do yichud wise.

and I would put in a request for only elem age students in the future (tho it could still come up if you get a boy older then 9)

Page 1 of 1