Is a huge tragedy that hurt a child is for the best

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amother

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:04 am

I am still so heart broken over what happened. I'm going over in my mind that if I wasn't so stupid or blind it wouldn't have happened. I cant slee at night. How am I supposed to believe that it is all for the best?

myself

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:11 am

You are obviously going through a hard time OP. Care to elaborate?

imasinger

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:11 am

What happened?

Of course you need to cry for tragedies. We are told to pour out our hearts in such a situation.

For the moment, forget about all for the best. That is a perspective that can only be taken from a distance, and now is not the time for philosophy.

Allow yourself to scream, to cry, to mourn what could have been.

And, if the child is close to you, to give them lots of reassurance, love, and support. That is the first agenda.

amother

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:17 am

Op here
I can't elaborate right now as it is too painful. I can't sleep at night thinking what if. Than it wouldn't have happened. My child will have to suffer greatly all his life.

amother

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:18 am

None of us can see the full picture. I have cancer, in my great I know what Hasheem does is for the best, but some days its really hard to believe that. Its ok to think about it, to be sad and angry about it. Hashem is a big boy, he can handle your passion and anger.

amother

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:19 am

Great=heart
Passion =pain

imasinger

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:24 am

amother wrote:

Great=heart
Passion =pain

Love that autocorrect!

OP, if this is your DS, and you are consumed by guilt that you caused something bad to happen, you need to find professional counseling help, and immediately.

Your DS will need you to be strong and comforting. These feelings of yours need to be processed, so that you can find comfort and chizuk. Otherwise, you may end up causing more harm.

Please. Find someone good to talk to, if you haven't already.

Jewishmom8

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:34 am

this is not your fault.
you love your child. of course if you could have prevented it you would have
there is no reason for guilt here.
it was supposed to happen like this
take out the word for the best and insert for a reason I dont understand right now and will probably not understand until 120
things of this magnitude happen for a reason
hashem has a plan for each one of us in this world
it is not something you could have prevented at all.
what you do have control over is how you react from here on.
wishing you menuchas hanefesh and peace.

fromthedepths

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 10:41 am

OP, (((hugs))). ITA with the above posters. Allow yourself time to grieve. Healing will come once you process your emotions, IY"H. It's OK to question Hashem and to be angry with Him. These feelings are an opening to a deeper relationship with Him in the future.

Barbara

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 12:37 pm

amother wrote:

(((((OP)))))

I don't know what happened, and I don't want to discuss whether or not it was a good thing or for the best or any of those concepts.

Nor do I want to discuss fault or relative fault or blame or innocence or inevitability.

I just want to offer you, and your child, my hugs.

Please, please, please talk to someone in real life who can help you deal with whatever happened. A doctor can help you with sleeping aids in the short term, so that you can sleep and function. And then someone who can listen to you without judging -- a therapist would be best. Someone who can help you and your child move forward.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Jun 21 2013, 1:10 pm

Hugs.

chani8

Sat, Jun 22 2013, 3:47 pm

Guilt and shame and replaying the scenario, wishing you could press rewind, do it over, fix your mistakes, change the outcome. You're not alone.

I'm so sorry that this terrible thing happened, OP. I'm so sorry that (according to you) you seemed to have failed in some way and that your child got hurt.

Seems to me you need to cry, grieve, let it out, face the pain, feel it.

Hugs to you. In my heart, I trust that you did the best you could, but that probably isn't what you need to hear right now. Right now, you sound in shock and in a lot of pain. So, just hugs, then.

amother

Sun, Jun 23 2013, 2:17 am

Op here. Thank you for all your support. I'm trying to cope and be strong even though it is so sad.

Jewishmom8

Sun, Jun 23 2013, 2:40 am

amother wrote:

Op here. Thank you for all your support. I'm trying to cope and be strong even though it is so sad.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.
please be good to yourself.
do something that makes you feel good
HUGS

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