Help fix our sleep!!!

seeker

Sun, Jun 30 2013, 11:57 pm

I am going crazy from sleep deprivation. Both my baby (8 months) and my big girl (2.5) are waking up at least once (8m/o almost always 3+ times, 2.5y/o often twice) every single night. I don't have an easy time falling asleep at any time, but it's even worse having to do it five times a night. It's creating shalom bayis issues because I do not make a good wife when exhausted and sleep deprived. And DH blames me for going to sleep too late, which I often do, but it wouldn't make much difference because I anyway spend much of that time with kids waking up. He also blames imamother for keeping me up but I promise I do NOT spend all that much time here! Plus, it's about 90% of my social life, so imagine how much time I'm NOT wasting anywhere else or on the phone or anything, that he can't fargin me a 2-minute post here or there! But that's besides the point. If I were getting enough sleep, DH would be happy, and then I could continue visiting imamother with no danger. So if you enjoy my company here, please help me work this out so I can stay!

Character #1: 2.5 year old. She has been going to sleep nicely in her crib for over a year now. For months she wasn't waking up at all. Then she started to wake up about once a night, pretty frequently. Sometimes it was a little crying and back to sleep, sometimes more intense, needing to come out and cuddle. Nowadays she is waking up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and sometimes more than once - once early on and once in the wee hours when I'm already sleeping if the other one hasn't woken me already. And she no longer just falls back asleep, I always need to come to her. And on the rare occasions when I snap and tell DH I had enough and YOU take care of it this time (he sleeps through everything! this is not fair at all!) she just gets hysterical and cries for Mommy. I'm doomed. Once I drag myself out and cuddle her a little, she settles right back down, we wipe off her tears, and she goes back to sleep (usually.) On top of all this, a couple of mornings recently she woke up around 6AM - well before anyone (including her) is ready (she goes to sleep too late to wake up at 6!) and at that point usually ends up in my bed. She is not a good bedfellow.

Character #2: 8 month old. I've gone and done it again. After #1 living in my bed for too long before I gave up on sleep deprivation, I swore I would not spoil anymore children, but I did. She refuses to sleep in the crib. She will nap in the stroller but somewhat restlessly so when I go to bed, the first time she cries I just give up and let her into bed with me because she will wake up more often in the stroller anyway. She DEMANDS to nurse multiple times throughout the night. If I try to withhold it to stretch her longer (she is big and healthy, how can she possibly be that hungry every few hours?!) we just end up with escalating hysterics, threatening to wake up the whole family. Then, a new shtick: even when she does fall asleep nursing, she tosses and turns in her sleep! I can't fall asleep with a baby not only IN my bed, but ROLLING AROUND my bed! GAAAAH! Fortunately this just started and doesn't go on so long, but on top of everything else... the whole situation is just really problematic.

I don't even know where to start. I just need more sleep but the whole situation is just so messed up and I don't know how to fix any of it. I am a wreck. Even when I do go to bed with both children sleeping, my nerves are all on edge because I KNOW someone will wake up as soon as I fall asleep. They always do. Heck, it seems like they wake up enough times on any given night that no matter when I go to sleep, given that I take about a half hour to fall asleep myself, someone will always wake up either before I fall asleep or within a half hour of my drifting off. Fine of DH to blame imamother, but even if I'd been offline, in the time I took to type this I dealt with one 2-year-old waking and one infant waking. Plus one infant waking before I came on here in the first place. So what good would going to bed have done for me? This is much more cathartic than having to get out of bed three times.

hop613

Mon, Jul 01 2013, 9:55 am

I really know how you feel, as someone who also struggles to fall asleep on command. I disagree that you should focus on learning that skill. The more you focus on it, the worse it gets. The only thing that helps me, is just to tell myself that I really can't control how much sleep I will get, and I just have to take it one day at a time. For me going to bed early does help, but that's because my baby usually sleep ok in the beginning of the night, so I feel less pressured to fall asleep right away if I go to bed early.

I am in almost the same boat as you. Kids are almost identical ages. Ds1 is 2.5 and needs us to go to him at least once a night some of the time, although he has been a lot better lately. I hate to say it, but I really don;t think there is anything you can do. If she goes right back to sleep after a small cuddle, that's really good for a 2.5 year old. I draw the line there though, so I will give a small cuddle and leave. And repeat as necessary. yes this leads to less sleep in the short term, but it helps not to start bad habits like laying in bed with her.

For the 8 month old (my EBF 7.5 month old still nurses 2-3 times a night, and I do truly think he is hungry), you need to come up with some sort of plan. If you are committed to find a way to get him/her to sleep in the crib, I would recommend baby whisperer. Her methods don't involve a lot of crying, but they do involve a lot of time and effort for the first few weeks. But its worth it when it pays off. I also cannot sleep with a child in my bed, so I feel you.

it will get better!

seeker

Tue, Jul 02 2013, 10:17 pm

Thanks for the support... maybe I will revisit the Baby Whisperer, I don't remember that exactly.

Last night, 3AM:
DD2.5: WAAAAAAAHHH! BLOODCURDLING YELLS! MOOOMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!
Loud/intense enough that both DH and I bolt out of bed at the same time.
Me: Shhhhhh, Mommy's here, what happened?!
DD - lies back down and looks up at me, totally alert and distinct: Did you ever see squash coming out of a toe?
Me: Huh?
DD: Something else more intelligible than I can be at that hour.
Me: You're having a silly shluffy. Go back to sleep.
DD: I need my pillow.
Me: Your pillow is right here.
DD2.5: Head on pillow, out like a light.
DD8m: WHERE'S THE PARTY?! Did somebody say mommy-milk?
Me: Nurse DD. Replace in stroller - since I'm up from DD2.5 anyway, I have enough energy to not fall asleep with DD8m in my bed. Return to bed. Shake DH back awake: Did you ever see squash coming out of a toe?
Me: Snickering too hard to fall back asleep.

Today: Tired. Can barely get out of bed. Children do not seem to have any such problem. WHY?