The worst thing about Aliyah is...

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 30 2013, 2:42 am

kalsee wrote:

That was interesting - most people advise against Aliya because it's hard for the children- and childrens' integration was the lowest on the list!

Kids are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for. If we believe they'll have a hard time, they usually will. If we believe that they can adapt and thrive, they'll pick up on that, too.

My DD is in therapy for anxiety, and in our parenting group I learned that DD was picking up her anxiety from me, because I was being too worried about her anxiety! I switched to believing that she can handle things, and you know what, it works. Very Happy

She's much happier and more confident these days, and the only thing that changed was my attitude about her anxiety.

mandksima

Tue, Jul 30 2013, 5:51 am

FranticFrummie wrote:

kalsee wrote:

That was interesting - most people advise against Aliya because it's hard for the children- and childrens' integration was the lowest on the list!

She's much happier and more confident these days, and the only thing that changed was my attitude about her anxiety.

It is the same with my dd, FF. When I am afraid of her doing something that is hard for her, she fails as she lacks the confidence. When I tell her she can do it, she is willing to try and usually succeeds. My attitude has changed recently when we saw that the bulk of her difficulty was getting along with everyone at home. I am much more careful with giving her positive reinforcement and boosting her confidence even when her behavior isn't the best. It is funny that after all the years of therapy, the doctors said everything else is going well and the biggest change has to come with improving our relationship. Anyway, our kids integrating was the easiest part of aliyah.

I think employment has been the hardest part the past few years after the job my dh came with finished. Israelis prefer those that served in the army to those that didn't. So, if you make aliyah when you are older (like us) you are skipped over easily. The office culture is different too, not just more casual but different in many ways. Those that make aliyah when retired are lucky to miss this headache.

Getting used to the heat was the second hardest thing for me.

ora_43

Tue, Jul 30 2013, 6:40 am

kalsee wrote:

That was interesting - most people advise against Aliya because it's hard for the children- and childrens' integration was the lowest on the list!

But the poll was "biggest frustration," not "what was hardest." My guess would be a lot of it has to do with expectations. People realized ahead of time that it would take time for their kids to integrate, so that's difficult, but not frustrating per se. But didn't realize just how hard it would be to learn the language, or just how patronized and helpless they would feel with service providers who dismiss them as yet another ignorant new immigrant. (again, just a guess)

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jul 30 2013, 7:04 am

ora_43 wrote:

kalsee wrote:

That was interesting - most people advise against Aliya because it's hard for the children- and childrens' integration was the lowest on the list!

Excellent point! I hadn't thought of it that way.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Jul 31 2013, 3:46 am

Marion wrote:

None of those resonated with me. I've had an amazingly simple 10 years of klitah.

me too. Maybe it makes a difference if you make aliyah with a family or single. You and I, marion, made aliyah single, and sort of started our adult life here, differently than bringing a started family here and having different struggles with them.
I also have had a pretty amazing 10 1/2 years of klitah, no complaints at all.

chanainisrael

Sun, Aug 04 2013, 4:13 pm

My biggest frustration has been navigating the health system. I have a couple of kids that need therapies, specialists, etc..The kuppah hasn't been so helpful (despite claims of being the "anglo-friendly" kuppah). I've learned what I need to do to secure an appt. with a hitchayvut. No one tells you this stuff before coming! I hope the next yer will be better with dealing with the kuppah.