Don't understand this: kids eat by me, parents don't?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Kosher Kitchen

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amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:33 pm

I live in a nice community with lots of people at lots of levels. My sons Rebbe's wife recently had a baby. The kids always come over to me to play and eat by my house. The parents said it's fully ok for them to eat by me. Since the Rebbe's wife had a baby I asked if I could make a meal since we have a Shifra V Puah type of orgnaization. The lady told me in terms of kashus they don't take food from people. I am ok with that and I paid for them to have a full pizza dinner from the local kosher eatery. I just don't understand why they it's ok for the kids to eat my food and not the parents. If I don't eat at someones house in the community I don't let my kids either. I think if their kashrus isn't good enough for me then it's not for my kids either.

Please explain this double standard?

PS I totally respect people not eating my food so it's not a question of being rude or etiquette.

little_mage

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:41 pm

Are you sure it was the Rebbe's family who said that, or was it the organization's policy? From your story, I'm not so clear.

amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:43 pm

I AM 100 PERCENT SURE IT WAS THE REBBE's FAMILY!!!!! I cook all the time and some people refuse me which is totally fine! It's not an issue of the organization but of them taking my food.

Happy18

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:45 pm

I grew up with a shul rabbis daughter. The Rabbi had a policy that he and his family did not go to anyone for meals on shabbos, yuntif etc. They did this so that if someone invited them over for a meal whose kashrus they did not trust they didnt have to make anyone uncomfortable. However, when the daughter came over to my parents house to play there was no question about if she could have a snack, or eat a meal.

amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:47 pm

Happy18 I understand but wouldn't they have to refuse their children eating by people whosse house they wouldn't eat lunch at? With that rationale I would think the kids wouldn't eat anywhere.

Happy18

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:50 pm

No idea what rational they used to allow their kids to eat at other peoples houses. Thats just what they did.

Liba

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:52 pm

I would assume that they decided they were comfortable with your kashrus but for the sake of sparing people's feelings they didn't make a list of places they accept food from and don't accept food from. They just decided not to take food for the family from anyone so no one would be offended.

yo'ma

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:56 pm

Sometimes the parents put more chumras on themselves, but they don't make their children keep them outside of the home.

mommyhood

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 12:58 pm

To me it sounds like they just don't take food into their house from ANYONE. Because then it could get uncomfortable with saying yes to some people and no to others. They may actually have no problem with taking your food but it's easier to have a no accepting outside food policy.

mummiedearest

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 1:24 pm

I have heard of one or both of the parents keeping chalav yisrael but not requiring the kids to do so.

Isramom8

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 1:35 pm

Maybe they're (very strictly) "kosher in the home" but not so much outside.

Ruchel

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 1:54 pm

I know families where the kids under a certain age are allowed more leeway like this

amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 1:55 pm

I second (or third) the idea that it has to do, not with your kashrus, but with not wanting to be making a list of acceptable and unacceptable houses to take food from. We live in a small place with people with lots of different levels/minhagim/education, and made a decision early on not to put ourselves in a position of judging other people's "level of kashrus." As a general rule, we don't take food from outside into our house, not because we have a different standard of kashrus than everybody else, but because we don't want to have to make distinctions in our own minds about other people's "levels," especially since whatever knowledge we would have about what other people are doing in their kitchens is likely to be partial or inaccurate. With our kids, though, we handle each situation individually, since it would be very difficult for them socially to never eat anything offered to them at a friend's house. We are clear with our kids and the other child's parents about what our kids can eat and trust that they will honor that. I don't see it as a double kashrus standard, but as a way of negotiating an awkward social dilemma and also a way of not making judgements about other people.

33055

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 2:08 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Sometimes the parents put more chumras on themselves, but they don't make their children keep them outside of the home.

This was also my thinking. I know several families like this. The kids and the wife can eat in several resturants also but not the husband. The families are all Rebbish - not so uncommon.

amother

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 5:01 pm

We're one of those families Smile

observer

Sun, Oct 21 2012, 5:24 pm

It sounds to me that the parents would eat from your home. However, in this situation, it would be very glaringly obvious who they would eat from and who they wouldn't if they accepted meals from some and not others. So they made this blanket rule so as not to offend anyone. I would assume that the homes they would not accept food from, they would not let their kids eat at either. You just may not be privy to the list of which homes they let their kids eat at. I don't see anything contradictory about it...

zaq

Mon, Oct 22 2012, 8:26 am

I personally know people who are more meikel for their young children below bar/bat mitzvah. For example, they keep Chalav Yisrael but if someone gives the kids an (U)D chocolate they let them have it. Obviously they wouldn't let their children eat at a home they think isn't kosher, but when it comes to chumrahs, a child doesn't have to be as strict. Just plain (U) and NonChalav Yisrael in the US isn't tref, no matter what some people say.

wifeandmore

Sun, Oct 20 2013, 4:01 pm

My husband is more strict than myself. In regards to pesach, kashrus, and other things. He takes chumros upon himself but doesn't expect everyone else to. Its probably something along those lines

Liba

Sun, Oct 20 2013, 4:15 pm

This thread is *almost* a year old.

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