how do I know if dd depressed?

amother

Fri, Oct 25 2013, 11:56 am

My 16 year old dd is popular, she is an above average student, very well liked by teachers. She takes on leadership roles in school. She helps out at home and with nieces/nephews. She's a great girl.

On the other hand, sometimes I catch her when she thinks nobody is looking, and she has this worried/sad look on her face. She has always leaned towards anxiety. All through school she has been extremely nervous on the night before a test, and very anxious at finals time. She has worked with the school counselor from middle school onwards to learn study tools and how to use her time wisely. She has this under control.

Recently though, she'll say she doesn't have friends, and then immediately she'll smile and say she's kidding. She's very sensitive and easily feels hurt.

I have taken her to a therapist, who said she seems fine in the sense that she is aware of how she feels, and feels comfortable telling me about her feelings. My dd did not want to go back to learn techniques on how to handle her feelings, and the therapist said if she doesn't want to, there's no reason to bring her back.

How do I help her handle her feelings? She may just lean this way, towards feelings of anxiety and sadness. I don't think there's anything else going on.

Have any of you had these feelings, or your children? How do you teach happiness?

Thanks!!!!

FranticFrummie

Sun, Nov 03 2013, 4:09 am

You can't teach happiness. Everybody goes through times of stress or sadness, no matter how wonderful their daily lives are.

I know it hurts to see your DD go through difficult moods. It's natural to want to "make it all better". Your DD is growing up, and wants to try and work things out on her own. This is a good thing, that she feels capable of handling her feelings.

Just keep the communication open. If she seems really sad, you can always say "You wanna talk about it?" and then give her the space to respond. She might, or she might not, but just knowing that you asked could be exactly the strength she needs to get through whatever it is that's troubling her.

Don't try to minimize her feelings, try to "fix" them, or to cheer her up too much. It's important to know how to feel your feelings, all of them, and to see that you can come out the other side, none the worse for wear. She needs to know that feeling sad sometimes is perfectly normal, acceptable, and OK. She doesn't need to try and perk up to win your approval (not saying that you think that, but she might take it that way.)

Just like as wives, we don't always want our husbands to try and "fix" our problems, we just want them to listen - it's the same thing with teens. If they know that we'll listen without trying to fix them, they'll be much more inclined to talk to us.