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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Sun, Dec 01 2013, 7:01 pm
ds is a big hearted boy but his language has become awful. He has facebook ( so do I), and his language is just really bad, and the sad thing is he uses it so casually as if he thinks there is nothing wrong with it. I have tried saying things to him in a "jokey" way about it before but it obviously hasn't worked and I don't want to shout and scream at him because I don't want him to get worse..
I am writing this now because I just saw something that I really did NOT like.
I should say he doesn't use this language to anyone in the family or face to face. Talking to his sisters etc he is lovely but it is with his male friends from his school.
I don't know if it's just a phase but it's upsetting.
I really hate bad language especially when it's used flippantly for absolutely no reason.
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amother
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Sun, Dec 01 2013, 7:06 pm
I would say to him , "do you have any idea how off putting it is when you use that kind of language?" - in a serious tone of voice.
do you think that would work? not too strong?
Because I used to have a habit of biting my nails, and my mom said to me once, "you know, it looks so unattractive when you do that", and since then I stopped.
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mummiedearest
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Sun, Dec 01 2013, 10:27 pm
speaking as a mom of younger-than-teens, I'll tell you what I do. when the kids get into potty-language-mode, I tell them to go to the bathroom and use all the potty words they can think of in there. then they can come out. there is a place for such language, and it is in the bathroom. I don't tell them to stop, because I know they will just be more interested in using these words.
maybe you should go over your son's colorful language with him. explain the definition of each word and go over the historical context of each. (yes, do your research.) this might help him understand why the older generation is unhappy when hearing this language in casual conversation. he may continue to use this language (he probably will) but it should be more limited after that. and you absolutely can draw a line somewhere. if you feel certain words should not be said, ever, tell him that such language is not allowed to come out of his mouth. he'll probably use it when away from you anyway, but at least he'd know where you stand.
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zaq
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Mon, Dec 02 2013, 2:53 am
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"You kiss Grandma with that mouth???"
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, Dec 02 2013, 5:28 am
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I heard a great shiur once about swearing. The jist of it was "We use our mouth do daven to Hashem, so we shouldn't soil it with nivul peh".
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frumygirl42
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Mon, Dec 16 2013, 10:56 pm
OP- you say he doesn't actually talk that way in general, just around his friends? In all probability (it would seem to me) that he uses it then because to them, it ISN'T dirty language. Language is only dirty based on culture, and within that schoolboy-schoolboy culture, there isn't anything problematic with it.
That being said, if he uses it with other people, who would take offense to it, it is a problem. Not because there is anything wrong with the actual words he is saying, but rather because of the affect the words are having on other people.
It is just as bad to insult someone whether you do it with a "curse" word or not.
So make sure you explain that to him.
And if your child is already a teenager, I believe telling him to go to the bathroom to use up his potty language there might be a bit to juvenile, and won't accomplish much of anything. He's not saying these things because he feels some weird urge to say "The forbidden word." He is saying this because that's the way the people around him are talking, and he has (gasp!) assimilated their "language."
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greenfire
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Mon, Dec 16 2013, 11:23 pm
the more you point it out & make an issue - the more he is going to want to curse ...
said as someone with my own colourful language ... 
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vintagebknyc
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Mon, Dec 16 2013, 11:25 pm
| greenfire wrote: | the more you point it out & make an issue - the more he is going to want to curse ...
said as someone with my own colourful language ... |
seriously. I have a potty mouth, and my brother has warned me about it when I'm with his children. as in, watch my potty mouth
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