Hysteria! | Imamother

amother

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 2:28 pm

When dd (3.5) gets upset, she can get into a state of absolute hysteria. Nothing can calm her, she cries balistically, her breathing gets short, she's in a totally different mental state, and the usual reasoning and explanations do not work. I mean, if we would give her whatever she's throwing a tantrum over, I'm sure she'd calm down, but we cant' always do that, nor is it good for her.

What do you do with a hysterical child?

amother

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 2:32 pm

im 24 and I can get to this state of hysteria. its scary for me to look back at myself after, I cant even stop myself when I get to a certain point of being upset, even if I get what I wanted or needed, speak to a psychologist, mine said it links to feelings of abandonment

amother

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 2:37 pm

OP here, I think it has to do with certain hormones being released in the brain that lead people to this state of hysteria. In your case, your needs were probably not met when you were a young child, so you continue to channel that insecure spot inside of you over and over again. This is totally off topic, but you should know that as an adult, no one else can fill the void for you that was not filled as a child, except for you. It can be filled with the help of therapy and hard work on your part. And if you have kids, try to meet their needs now. Hatzlocha!

the world's best mom

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 2:38 pm

I wouldn't assume the same diagnosis for a 3 year old who gets hysterical and a 24 year old who acts like a 3 year old.

She's 3. Kids will be that way. The best thing you can do is to stay calm yourself, and don't ever give in to her for crying. You can explain your reasoning once, and only once. She understood the first time, but is still upset at being told no. Explaining for a fifth time won't help. You can tell her that as soon as she's ready to stop crying, you'll be happy to ___________________ with her. (choose something that will calm her and distract her, like reading her a book or playing a game with her..)

amother

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 2:45 pm

OP here, I'm trying to say this is not a normal tantrum, she has those too, but we can reason with her. Then, there are times she gets so upset, she crosses this line into hysteria, she looks and sounds like a different person. It could be that she knows we are weak parents and is just playing on that, but I'm not sure....

As a general rule, she is one of the sweetest kids alive. She definitely has some sensory stuff going on, but I never went for an official evaluation, as she is very functional in a normal daycare setting.

5*Mom

Tue, Jan 07 2014, 3:25 pm

Emotional Regulation is one of the executive functions. At 3.5 years old, this might still be within the range of normal, although it's closer to the edge of the bell curve than to the middle.

In any event, when she is in this state, the only thing you can do is sit near her on the floor. Don't speak, don't explain, DON'T try to distract. Also, don't touch her unless she indicates that she wants/is ready to be touched or held. She has to freak out till she is spent and she needs you to stay close by. As scary as it is for you to watch her lose control this way, it is 100 times scarier for her. Eventually, you will hear a change in the pitch and rhythm of her crying/screaming. She will sound tired, more sad than angry. Then you can begin talking soothingly to her, in a low, steady voice. "It's okay, I'm right here. Can I hold you now?" things like that. If she lets you hold her, you're almost there. Once she's calm, or semi calm, offer to read her a story, or whatever else she usually finds soothing. And then go on with your day. On the off chance that she asks again for whatever it was that sparked the freak-out, just calmly say, "No, Sarala, we are not eating cookies now but you can have an apple or an orange if you want one." Then you can calmly try to redirect.

I would also suggest that you keep a log of the things that trigger her outbursts and see if there is a pattern there that will give you a clue as to what skills she needs to work on or what you can practically change in her environment that might help to avoid them in the future.