gift for son's potential kallah

amother

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:48 am

My son has been dating a girl visiting from another location. Soon she is leaving for home. My son would like her to meet us. Chances are that they will continue to date after she goes home and get engaged but they haven't committed.

I would like to give her a gift just to be sweet, but I don't want to pressure her. Not something personal like jewelry. Something like packing cubes that don't take up too much luggage space. Any other suggestions, or is it not a good idea to begin with? I don't know her preferences but I'm assuming she has some general frum twenty-something sense of style. I was told she doesn't like very formal clothing.

SplitPea

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:52 am

amother wrote:

I would go with food or something consumable. When they get engaged give gifts that last then. Now give something that's a sweet sentiment (nice chocolates?) but that won't linger and remind her of your ds of cvs they don't continue

mummiedearest

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:52 am

I wouldn't. you don't want to pressure her.

when I met my in-laws, they invited me to bil's bar mitzvah. that showed me they liked me and that my dh was serious about me. (but I knew that because he introduced me to his parents, of course.) I wouldn't have been comfortable with a gift, but I appreciated being included in a family event.

just be nice to her, feed her when she's visiting, and make sure she knows you want her to come again. save gifts for the engagement.

out-of-towner

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:53 am

At this point, I would stick with something neutral like chocolate...I wouldn't give a "lasting" gift at this point, it would be too painful for her if they break up.

skcomputer

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:53 am

What's your budget?

Is she from a cold climate? A winter scarf is one idea. Ask your son what color her winter coat is and get one to match.

amother

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 6:57 am

OP here. That's a very good point about her not wanting any reminders in case they don't continue. Maybe just "chocolates for your trip"? That way it's like any girl I might meet and like.

amother

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 7:01 am

OP here. Budget for a token gift isn't relevant because if my son decides to marry her I'm happy to spend on a nice piece of jewelry. But I'm getting ahead of things.

Willow43

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 7:03 am

skcomputer wrote:

What's your budget?

Is she from a cold climate? A winter scarf is one idea. Ask your son what color her winter coat is and get one to match.

My mom gave my husband a nice scarf when we were dating, I forgot about that till
I read this post. He was from a warm climate and wasn't so prepared, we all thought it was cute.

I say like others stick to food. If you have time maybe bake cookies for the plane... You can also have your son give them to when he takes her on the airport so the gift will be from him so no awkward moment when you present them to her but at the same time shell know you make them for her which will also be nice!

By the way, sounds like youre going to be a great mother in law! So sweet that you want to buy her something

zaq

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 8:19 am

mummiedearest wrote:

I wouldn't. you don't want to pressure her.

.......

just be nice to her, feed her when she's visiting, and make sure she knows you want her to come again. save gifts for the engagement.

ITA.
If she has a long trip back home, some "tzeida laderech" (provisions for the road, iow food) would be a thoughtful gesture. Anything more would be inappropriate at this point.

doctorima

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 8:37 am

Have you asked your son how he feels about you getting her a gift? That would be my first concern, whether he would appreciate it, or resent it as a breach of his privacy. If he supports it, you could then bounce a few of these ideas off him, and see what he thinks would be most appropriate based on the situation, and best received based on his knowledge of her. I definitely wouldn't do something purely practical like packing cubes. It shouldn't be too much (like jewelry), but if you do it, should definitely be a step above practical.

lavendar

Sun, Jan 12 2014, 8:41 am

My friend went to meet the guy she is dating parents a few weeks ago she prob wont get engaged for another two months . But his mother bought her a beautiful scarf I thought it was a nice idea

Heyaaa

Mon, Jan 13 2014, 8:40 am

I would get her food just in case it doesn't work out. She'll always remember the gesture if it does but if it doesn't she won't be left with something she has to get rid of and if she keeps it she'll have to forget the memories behind it.

stem

Mon, Jan 13 2014, 9:11 am

When I was dating my husband, my birthday came out on the day I met his parents. His mother bought these cute chocolate roses and arranged for him to give them to me when we were alone on the way home. It was one of the most meaningful gifts I ever got from him/her even though over the years I've gotten a lot more expensive items. It was meaningful to get it from him at that point in our relationship, and very special to know that his mother sent them and that she approved and liked me.

Mimisinger

Mon, Jan 13 2014, 9:23 am

When dh and I were dating seriously but not yet engaged (they live far away and came in to meet me) my now mil bought me a scarf in my favorite color and those little ear warmers. It's a nice impersonal/personal thing to give on a cold day.

amother

Mon, Jan 13 2014, 6:45 pm

nice pc of hard sided luggage in a bright color?

I would appreciate it.

if they get engaged, nice gift from MIL

if not, still good memories from the nice guy she was dating.

I dont go for a chocholate. that would be good for a pre schooler. she deserves something nice and lasting. why not?

this is coming from someone whose MIL promised to get her candlesticks, and it never happened...

BH I dont need her candlesticks, but I remember what I got from my sisters, for example. we remember nice gestures. I dont see it as pressure. just a token of being a nice caring person who is showing interest in her,

GL

Alef Bais

Mon, Jan 13 2014, 7:30 pm

I agree with the food idea. I think it's perfect. I don't think more than that is needed unless maybe a Jewish magazine to read for the trip. Save the real presents for engagement Wink