Please advice... Feeling so much regret

amother

Fri, Jan 31 2014, 6:02 am

Wise mothers from imamother,
I would love to hear your advice- We had a situation last night that I just feel so badly about, maybe you have some advice or helpful information?

My 6 year old was always a really really tough kid- I was taking him to neurologists at 2 because I suspected adhd with some other behavioral elements. Well it took until a little while ago but he was "formally" diagnosed with ADHD with irritability. In other words impulsive and angry at the world - think running across main streets in order to be defiant because he wanted to stay at the park longer (with zero ability to connect punishment consequences with future impulsivity).

BH BH with the appropriate diagnoses and dr shliach we were able to get him on the right meds and he's doing AMAZING- literally a different kid!! But then situations come up and I'm not sure if I'm dealing with it like the mother of a 6 year old or the mother of a burnt out 6 yr old who had so many issues she didn't want to come home after work :'( (in other words, while he's a changed child- maybe I'm not a changed mom...)

So last night he got really upset because he wanted this toy and I said maybe in a few weeks we'll think about it as a reward of sorts... He was so angry that first he threw my phone on the floor (he had found this toy he wanted on amazon on my phone), kicked me 3 times (albeit lightly but still...) and then ran upstairs and said he was going to hide my phone. I got SO angry- in my mind, how can a child kick their parent and take their phone without major consequences?? Otoh maybe a very impulsive and upset 6 year old who's been doing amazing should be cut some slack- wait it out, he'll probably come around and you'll both walk away from it...

Anyway, I ended up slapping him on his leg- and screaming about how ungrateful he is....

I feel horrible, I could just cry. We take parenting very seriously. He's not our only child with ADHD, we should know how it presents- maybe I'm the one who has to control MY anger!

Or, as I once read in a parenting article, maybe (due to my background of often seeing an angry parent) I'm just too afraid of anger- I mean he's a kid, they get angry and really just need our redirection when dealing with it...

Any advice? Maybe I'm the one being too impulsive here... :'( :'(

naomi2

Fri, Jan 31 2014, 9:32 am

being out of control is the thing that is not ok.
your child knows you as you usually are and are able to overlook very infrequent outburst like this.
put the guilt away in a box in your mind and keep trying to be a parent in control like you usually are.
I'm sure you are doing a great job parenting!
for the future, with a child prone to activity, there needs to be a lot of proactivity so there is no time and place for being sole-ly reactive.
clear rules in place with consequences that you up hold religiously should go along way.