When a teen with Down syndrome hugs...

rachelbg

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:12 pm

I'm posting here hoping that either a parent or educator of adolescents with Down's syndrome can give me some clarity...

I teach in a pretty MO school, for a class of middle school girls. For whatever reason, a sweet and charming 13 year old boy with Down's joined our class for a segment of class last week. The girls were thoroughly distracted, and the boy and these girls were enjoying entertaining each other.

When it was time for him to leave, he hugged a few of the girls and didn't want to let go. Now, I know that a typical 13 year old boy hugging his 13 year old girl friends for an extended period is inappropriate (though perhaps the girls wouldn't agree, since they don't really see guys hugging girls as inappropriate). The question is: is this inappropriate too? While the boy is developmentally disabled, does or doesn't that negate his hormones and feelings toward girls?

I just want to know guidelines of how to approach this should it happen again. (And no, this is not meant to turn into a thread about shomer negiah, it's about hormones and developmentally disabled teens.)

Thanks for your input - thought I'd come here and ask those with experience rather than go straight to the administration.

Last edited by rachelbg on Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Thu, Feb 20 2014, 11:23 pm

Disabilities specialist here: great question! It shows how much you care about your students that you thought to ask. People with Down syndrome (and it is Down, not Down's or Downs, though many people make that mistake) do have the same hormones, feelings, etc. as the rest of us, though they may deal with it in different ways as their intellectual capacities dictate. Students with disabilities should, to the greatest extent possible, be treated like their typical peers. If a typical 13yo boy in your school would not be allowed to hug girls, the same should go for this student. He may need more reminders or some support to keep this rule, but ultimately, it's a sign of respect and inclusion to him to hold him to the same standard as much as he can handle.

seeker

Fri, Feb 21 2014, 12:38 am

amother wrote:

I think the feelings are not entirely relevant anyway. Since hugging is socially inappropriate in these contexts, it would benefit the student to learn this. The only difference would be, as amother said first, that he may need more support to learn and follow these social rules.

amother

Fri, Feb 21 2014, 12:41 am

amother wrote:

IME with special ed, kids with DS if anything are a bit more s-xual than their peers, and 13 is a crazy age.

I was wondering abt this. I did res-Hab a couple of years back. I worked with a Down syndrome 12 year old in her home. One day she decided to lay down and touch self right in front of me. Thought I'd freak.

mommy#1

Fri, Feb 21 2014, 1:27 am

I work with a boy who always wants to hug me and his peers. I taught him that when he gets excited and wants to hug, he should shake my hand instead. you need to teach an appropriate alternative. (obviously not appropriate if you would be into shomer negiya there). so when he looks like hes about to hug, now that he knows what I taught him, I say uh uh, that's not appropriate. what can we do? it really works well. or ill just stick out my hand ready to shake his and he gets it. when hes about to hug others, you have to be more on top of it though, because they may not be. it also may be a good idea to talk to the rest of your class and get them in on this, that its not appropriate to hug, but you can definitely shake his hand