Scared to send ds to sleepaway camp

chani8

Wed, May 21 2014, 2:45 am

How old is he? You have to tell him straight out about your concerns. Tell him you want him to have a plan if someone should start up with him. "What would you do if...?" And tell him that he can call you at any time day or night and you'll come get him if he ever needs you.

My tweens and teens helped write a free printable booklet on personal safety for charedi/ultra-orthodox kids, called My Name Is Raffi at:

www.shomrimyeladim.com

Sanguine

Wed, May 21 2014, 4:17 am

How old is your son? What kind of camp are you sending him to? Camp is great for kids. 99.999999% of the time there is never any problems. If he has bullies in his bunk the counselor will take care of it (if he doesn't, your son will let you know and you'll make sure to call the counselor).

Kids aren't molested in camp. It's as likely as in school - nothing's 100% but you still send him to school cause you know you trust it even though it's possible that there's one unstable grownup there.

Relax. He'll have a great time

manhattanmom

Wed, May 21 2014, 11:44 am

heard a speech about this recently--Dr. Normal Blumenthal from Ohel speaks about this extensively.

Bring up ALL your concerns with the camp administration NOW. and ask other parents to back you up....
For example, at night--evening time--is there always a staff member in the bunkhouse--or just one rotating counselor for a couple of bunks? If you are vocal about it--it can change.
Talk to your child about uncomfortable touch and that he/she should tell a grownup immediately, etc.

greenfire

Wed, May 21 2014, 11:47 am

if your kid is old enough to be in camp - they are old enough to be given the facts of life and knowledge of how to protect their bodies ...

do NOT let anybody touch you under any circumstances & do tell if someone tries or someone makes him feel uncomfortable in any way

amother

Wed, May 21 2014, 12:39 pm

He has ADHD and learning disabilities and social skills difficulties, has a hard time making friends. We're working on it, he gets a lot of support. But he desparately wants a best friend and that scares me, he would maybe not say if something wrong was happening so he could keep his friend?

Sanguine

Wed, May 21 2014, 12:53 pm

amother wrote:

Oh - you didn't ay that in the OP. Does he learn in a regular school? Is he going to a regular camp? How old is he? How many weeks is the camp? I still wouldn't worry about him being molested (it's really not at all the norm), but he may get bullied or ignored by the other kids (cause that's how kids are)

If he's a "regular" kid going to a "regular" camp, speak to the director and speak to the counselor before. An 18 year old counselor probably needs some guidance of how to give your son extra attention and how to deal with him fitting in.

Sanguine

Thu, May 22 2014, 1:51 am

Jewishmom8 wrote:

I would be really scared to send my sons to sleepaway camp too.
most are probably fine but its still scary.

It's scary sending your kids out the door every morning (a friend told me she's afraid when her kids take a shower [teens] that they'll slip and bang their head Rolling Eyes

).

Kids in camp are nice normal kids. They come from nice homes (someone is paying for camp. It's not filled with homeless drug addicts). The director and head counselor screen everyone who works there. They're on top of checking that the staff is OK. They don't hire child molesters. I've worked in camp for many years and we always knew all our staff well.

If OP's son has

Quote:

social skills difficulties, has a hard time making friends

it's very important that she speaks to the director, division head and counselor ASAP. Let them know that this child needs extra attention. They'll try to put him in a bunk with a more sensitive counselor, or maybe a more experienced one. It's a problem when parents don't provide the staff with all the information. DS won't be bullied or ignored by the other kids if the camp knows that this child needs extra help. Camp will be a great experience for DS. He'll make friends.

Just a few thing - How old is DS? Did he ever sleep away from home? Is he excited about going to camp? Is OP excited for him or is she conveying her fears to him?

OP - do you want to say which camp? There are probably other mothers here that send their children to that camp and they can help you out.

amother

Thu, May 22 2014, 2:02 am

Sanguine wrote:

OY sanguine,sanguine, sanguine ! I wish I could be as blissfully naive and innocent as you

May not have too many child molesters ( can you spell Kolko) , but the bullies, can be a lot worse than the homeless drug addicts..

amother

Thu, May 22 2014, 2:09 am

Sanguine wrote:

Kids in camp are nice normal kids. They come from nice homes (someone is paying for camp. It's not filled with homeless drug addicts). The director and head counselor screen everyone who works there. They're on top of checking that the staff is OK. They don't hire child molesters. I've worked in camp for many years and we always knew all our staff well.

Yes, they do.
It is impossible to know the whole staff very well. You only know what they show you. You may know your good friends very well.
Stuff does happen. Both molestation and bullying.
Even so, most kids end up having a fine time in camp.
I've gone to multiple sleep away camps for many, many years and always had a blast. I've also heard about molestation in the years I was there. I certainly knew of bullying.

Sanguine

Thu, May 22 2014, 2:47 am

OP wants to work on her son's social skills. Keeping him home attached to his mother's apron strings won't help him at all. Sending your child to camp is not equivalent to sending him out in shark infested water (are all those other parents crazy for sending their child?) There are crazies everywhere. In schools too. We protect our children as much as we can but we have to let them grow and become independent. It would help if OP would say which camp and how old her son is. If she thinks her son is easy prey for all the molesters lurking in the camp, she must speak to the counselor and make sure that he is keeping a good eye on her son (and let the division head keep an eye on the counselor and let the head counselor keep an eye on the division head and let the director keep an eye on the head counselor and tell the director she'll sue his pants off if anything happens to her son).

SRS

Thu, May 22 2014, 7:21 am

Has your son been going to day camp? Is there a reason you think sleepaway camp has an advantage over day camp given the issues you stated later? Personally I think coming out and stating all of the issues like suggested is a near invitation to take advantage. Statistically the chances of being abused are low, but those who want to abuse seek the environment to abuse in and camp has those characteristics.

Does the camp run background checks on staff? What other deterrents are inplace? You are not the only one concerned about the possiblity so do not let anyone imply differently as if the income level of the kids makes a statistical difference in being a perp or victim of either bullying or molestation.

amother

Thu, May 22 2014, 9:26 am

These posts are scaring me, I think we will wait another year. I'm not an apron strings kind of mother, it's just that I have this gut feeling he may not be mature enough to speak up if something not good chv started to happen. He's not like my other kids, he needs a lot of social skills support and doesn't always know how to put things into words, I'm not sure camp is right for him this year and I would rather err on the side of caution. Thanks for everyone's suggestions, it helped me think this through.

amother

Thu, May 22 2014, 12:18 pm

I don't understand this whole sleep away camp thing so please enlighten me why it is so necessary?

Why can't children be with their families during the holidays and have family bonding time? Your children are in school all year and the moment they have a holiday you pack them off to sleepaway camp for a few weeks?
I don't understand it. OK I'm not American so didn't grow up with this but
what happened to the importance of the family being together whenever you have the opportunity to be?
I wouldn't want my children sleeping away from home, supervised by people they don't know.

IMO this isn't about apron strings, it's about chinuch.

Children should be home in the Jewish tent, with their families.

DrMom

Thu, May 22 2014, 1:35 pm

amother wrote:

I assume one reason is because in many families, both parents work. You know, to pay tuition and rent and food, etc.

Also, camp is fun.