A mom threatened my DS-long vent

amother

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 7:24 pm

My DS (9) has been having trouble on the school bus during the year with a pre1& kid. My DS was blamed for it until I requested that the school should talk to others on the bus. Part of the blame, and most of the initiation was placed on the pre1A child (he would jump ontop of my DS and others. My DS would push him back to stop him, or scare him to stop him). It was a tough situation, but the school and I tried to deal with it. The other kids parents were in total denial.

The other kids father showed up in our shul one time. He spoke to my ds, but due to language barier we have no idea what was said. I told the school and they told me not to talk to them ever.

I just got a call from the mom. Her DS just started camp today and came home saying that my DS approached him and told him "now I know were to find you". The mom said that if my DS gives her DS any trouble she will "take care of my son".

My DS is sleeping so I can't verify it. I would be shocked if my DS said those words, but won't be surprised if he said nothing, based on what happened during the school year.

I called the camp. They were great. If any problems come up, the other kid is out. Or even if the mom says BOO to my DS. They know my boys from prevous summers, and never had an issue. Also I was told that the PRE1A is separate and they have almost no contact.

I am a nervous wreck. Should I call the school for guidance as well? And who in the world gave this mom my cell number??

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jul 30 2014, 7:34 pm

Make sure you get all sides to the story before you do anything or talk to anyone. It's really hard to handle when the aggressor is much smaller and younger. That does't mean that they can't be little stinkers!

I had a similar problem with DD in camp. They let in a girl who was WAY too young, because her mom begged and begged. This girl (I'll call her Suzi) followed DD everywhere, interrupted her all the time, insisted that DD play "Disney Princess" with her, etc. Every time DD tried to refuse, the girl would loudly burst into tears, and run to the counselors telling them that DD was "being mean to her and picking on her". Then DD would get yelled at for picking on such a little kid.

When Suzi saw how much attention and sympathy she was getting out of this routine, she got bolder. She started stealing things out of DD's lunch, taking her water bottles, and even wrecking her craft projects. Again, with much tears and hysteria when DD tried to defend herself.

DD is a really sweet kid, and always tries to be extra patient and careful with younger kids. She was really conflicted as how to handle this, and so Suzi got to walk all over her.

I finally had to email all of the counselors and explain to them that DD isn't trying to be mean, and that she doesn't know how to handle the situation appropriately. Would they please keep an eye on both Suzi and DD and make sure that they both keep a good amount of space between them.

The next day Suzi was not in camp, and it turns out she won't be coming back. Whew

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 7:00 am

op here-

Ok, I calmed down. Yesterday I was ready to call the cops out of fear.

So I spoke to my DS(9) this morning. He was visibly shocked that the other boy said he spoke to him. He said that he saw the kid from the distance with a friend and my other DS, but he didnt think the kid saw him. They are very separate in camp. My DS did say that he saw the mom walking around at lunch time, I guess thats when the other boy started camp.

So I figured to be safe I asked my 7 year old. He said the same thing. I cant see them lying for each other, usually they tattle.

My concern is that the kid lies. He was once jumping on the bus, from seat to seat, person to person and the bus made a turn. The kid banged his head badly and told his mom that my DS did it. I dont need this drama anymore. My DS doesnt need it either.

The camp will be notifying the head staff to be aware of the situation, especially with the Mom's threat.

So again, my question is do I call the school? The mom told me on the phone that she will "take care of my son". When I asked her if she is threatening him, she said "yes".

debsey

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 9:26 am

Just for your own protection, question your son about it and record it. If you can, ask other kids what they saw (like your DS's friends) Call the camp, sensitize them (Maybe this kid was once bullied and he's trying to work out a trauma, but that's not your son's problem!) and ask them to keep an eye on it. Record that conversation.
Call the mom. Politely and calmly tell her that you investigated, that you have several children claiming your DS did not talk to her DS. You will not allow your son to bully, but neither will you allow him to be pushed around and have to walk on eggshells. Record that conversation.
Hopefully, you won't have to use these recordings, ever.
Then, talk to your son about calmly defusing the situation. When the little kid jumps on him, he should calmly say "You don't want to do that." and walk away. Each time the kid approaches, he's a broken record "you don't want to do that...."
The point is to show that your DS is not the initiator, and to bore the kid because he's not getting much of a reaction.

amother

Thu, Jul 31 2014, 10:14 am

This happened to my ds on his bus too! My ds also 9yrs old was bullied by a younger kid (sounds like him too!) He went and told the principal that my son told him to say the f*** word. My son would not and did not do that. I told the principal that it wasn't true...in the next breath he tells me the kid has major issues..so not sure why he believed this kid. I ended up having to stop using the bus and pick him up myself!