Being friendly but not 'friendly' with frum male colleagues.

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Working Women

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 10:14 am

I work in an environment where I am the only female, my colleagues (sp?) are frum, yeshivish males.

When emailing them, I try and keep things professional, no exclamation marks, no very casual language. There's one particular colleague that responds in a very friendly way. e.g.

From: Me
To: Mr A.

Hi,

I tried to do XYZ, but it kept giving me an error. Could you please tell me what I should do to fix this?

Also, I finished the project on XYZ. Can you review it and tell me what you think?

Thanks.

---
To: Me
From: Mr A

Hi,

Sounds strange to me! Have you tried XYZ. I always seem to get these errors too! That's what happens when you rely on technology!

How about using ABC instead? Howzat sound?

---

See, to me - my email sounds cold and unfriendly. If I wrote like he does I'd be worried he thinks I'm being too familiar.

I'm prefacing this by saying I am chareidi, right wing. I don't talk to guys unless I have to, and then I will not engage in idle chit-chat.

Opinions (NOT ON MY HASHKAFA, but how I can make my emails sounds more friendly without going overboard, or maybe I'm doing the right thing as it is?)

causemommysaid

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 10:18 am

I think your doing just fine. your emails are polite and to the point.

his emails also seem fine. he is just a more outgoing kind of person.

Orchid

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 10:20 am

I think your email is just fine. His is slightly more friendly, but nothing even close to overboard.

zaq

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 10:22 am

Don't change a thing. Your emails are perfect and will never, ever, get you into trouble with man, G-d, or your employer.

You have established your email style as short, to the point, businesslike and no-nonsense, which is as it should be. That Mr. A chooses to respond in a casual manner is not your problem. There's nothing outright inappropriate about his emails, but given that you're all yeshivish-to-charedi, it's a little odd. He wouldn't talk to you that way, would he--and you for sure wouldn't talk to him that way. All the more reason for you to stick to your own correct and businesslike style.

shoeboxgirly

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 10:27 am

You could be not frum or not Jewish and all would apply.

If you have a friendly boss guy (I have 3 bosses and one of them is like this) then just keep being professional. Firstly, most men/colleagues won't care that you aren't being so friendly via email, that much is in your head. Secondly, I can't see anything wrong with your email, and probably nothing wrong with his. If you start getting kisses and smiley faces in your emails from him, you could mention you don't find it very professional...or just let it not bother you.

If you are asking about softer language, one of my other bosses gave me a bit of a crash course: use phrases like 'I would be grateful if' rather than 'I need' and thank people often for help. Also be clear without being bossy "Receiving your feedback by the end of tomorrow would be very much appreciated" rather than "I need this done now". But really, I work in a professional office and you don't appear to have an unfriendly email tone, just a normal one.

Chayalle

Wed, Nov 21 2012, 11:05 am

I work from home but am part of a team, and there's one frum male in the group. So coming from there - you sound just fine. You do not sound cold or unfriendly, just professional and to the point.

You could embellish a bit, like "I would really appreciate it if you could review XYZ" and finish it off with "Thanks for your help" but I think you sound fine.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 2:53 pm

yours was fine his was also fine. he's being friendly in a kind way - not inapprpriate. people always make jokes here and there especially those who are cheerful. being friendly (not in 'that' way, is always nice)

in your emails you could say things like "hi", "I was just wondering" "thanks for your help/reply", "I appreciate it", etc etc

don't read into his emails unless he writes something one day that gives serious cause for concern.

imasinger

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 2:57 pm

I agree with above posters. You are fine. He is fine.

We should all have such problems.

gp2.0

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 3:38 pm

Also he may never have learned proper punctuation. Maybe he thinks the exclamation point is just a fancier version of the period...

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 3:51 pm

imasinger wrote:

I agree with above posters. You are fine. He is fine.

We should all have such problems.

OP here. Thank you everyone for re-assuring me.

imasinger - you should hear the rest of my problems Sad

malky2

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 9:14 am

your both fein

boysrus

Sun, Aug 10 2014, 10:15 am

malky2, I dont know if you noticed that this thread is from about 20 months ago.. YOu should try to check the date before responding to old threads. welcome to imamother.

Page 1 of 1