teen being mechalel shabbos

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 12:43 am

Hi first of all calm yourself , I know dealing with teen kids is not easy I have gone through it myself with my kids . It's very hard and heart breaking when you discover that your teen is mechalel Shabbat.
Firstly is your son using a computer or his phone ipad and so on in your house, if so you have to sit him down and tell him that you know that he is surfing the web on Shabbat and that you will not allow chilul Shabbat in your home, what he does outside your home you have no control but in your home you cannot allow it , so what you have to do is tell him that before Shabbat you will take his iPhone ,iPad even computer if he has one in his room take it out, a teen should not have a computer in his room anyway a family computer should be in a place where you can control like a living room ,you can take the plug out before Shabbat, you tell him that you are doing it because you know that he will use it and ,not in your house on Shabbat ,he will argue with you and promise not to do it anymore still you have to stand with your rules don't give in and before Shabbat you hold on to his things after Shabbat he gets it back, your son has to understand that in your home he cannot disrespect you in anyway by not keeping the Shabbat believe me it can be done in a loving way , kids need to have rules , kids need to have strong parents that's the only way he has to know that in your house there are rules that he cannot break ,tell him you love him and only want the best for him. Be strong dont give in to his manipulation kids are smart and they can find your weak spot so be strong and make sure you and your husband are on the same pace when it comes to your son.things will get better as he matures as long as he knows he has parents who care about him enough to put there foot down on things that he is doing wrong ,he will learn and respect you.

chani8

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 1:30 am

I know it hurts.

You can't force him to keep Shobbos.

However, you can turn off your WiiFii and modem before shobbos so that he isn't using your internet.

Try to focus on liking your son. That's hard to do when you feel stung by all of this. But, he's not doing this to hurt you. Likely he doesn't even get how much it hurts you. He is totally self centered at this age.

Do get him help for his issues.

amother

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 2:21 am

chani8 wrote:

Depends what those issues are. Emotional or psychological - then yes, get him help. If it's an addiction then that can also be helped.
If however he's an older teen and the problem is that he's just not interested in keeping all the halachot of shabbos that an orthodox lifestyle dictates then there's not much you can do. You can take away his devices but that won't really solve the deeper problem. It may resolve on its own as he matures and makes his own decisions and commitments in life or he may decide it's just not for him.

granolamom

Fri, Oct 03 2014, 9:23 am

amother wrote:

unfortunately, this is a brilliant post. I say unfortunately, because I wish it wasnt so.