To Love Chanuka | Imamother

Lady Godiva

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 10:44 am

amother wrote:

I have a family who enjoy themselves tremendously doing what they're doing. I_don't. Me. Myself. I can choose to spend another 8 days of the year doing things I don't enjoy not enjoying them but I can choose to try to like them. I'm asking you to help me.

Why do you feel so pressured to like the 8 days of Hanukkah? Other than that boring half hour what is so terrible about these 8 days for you?

Lady Godiva

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 10:48 am

Are you specifically looking for them to be an inspirational part of your year? Because it's okay if they're not. We all have some holidays that resonate with us more than others... holidays that touch us and inspire us and make our lives feel more meaningful. But it's okay if not every holiday makes you feel that way.

Lady Godiva

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 10:56 am

amother wrote:

Yes. Because it feels like I'm lacking something. Others like it and I'm jealous.

Read the rest of my post that you quoted from. It's perfectly normal not to get a spiritual high from every single holiday. Some holidays will make you feel more spiritual and connected than others. It does not mean that there is something lacking in you or that your soul is defective in any way. Just try to enjoy the 8 days as family days and if you feel you need more depth than that then take it as a challenge to connect with Gd without getting the bonus if a spiritual high.

etky

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 11:02 am

amother wrote:

Etky and amother, you got me! I'm not pyrophobic but it's something psycosomatic there as I grew up in non-observant home. Etky, it is about it being too simple.
Now what do we do?

I do not know your family setting or your personal inclinations but here are some ideas off the top of my head to inject content and activity into the holiday and maybe make it more interesting:
Every day prepare a Hannuka treat from a different country: different types of latkes, sufghaniyot and other doughnuts like Morrocan sfinj, North African fried pastries in honey syrup, Yekkish cottage cheese latkes etc. Or research different Hannuka customs and talk about them.
Each night talk about a different personality who impacted the Hannuka story: Mattiyahu,his five sons, Hanna and her seven sons, Judith etc. You can even read from the sources like Josephus and 1 and 2 Maccabees.
Expand on the theme of Jewish heroism throughout the generations: each night talk about a different period of Jewish history.
There are many, many Hannuka songs in Hebrew. Get a few collectionss and listen to a different one each night
If you're into arts and crafts and have young kids then there are many activities, some in kits, that you can do on holiday related themes.

spinkles

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 1:11 pm

It's not a simple story at all, there's so much depth to learn about Chanukah and its themes! I love to get a special book for myself to read over Chanukah that enriches my appreciation for what the Maccabim did in standing up against the culture of Yavan. You might try Rav Hirsch on Bereshis (talking about Noach's 3 sons and the origins of different cultures and who we Yidden are and what we need to bring forth in the world). You know it intellectually, but feeling it and making it part of you is an avodah. Or, maybe you'd like what I bought for this year: Unbroken Spirit, which is another way of visualizing and internalizing what it really meant to stand up to Yavan.

Maybe Chanukah is hard because you put too much pressure on yourself to cook something amazing and time-consuming every night? Can you cut back on your expectations?

Maybe you're an introvert and Chanukah means too much people time? Can you find a way to give yourself some alone time?

amother

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 7:15 pm

I totally relate to what you're saying, op. I used to feel that way.

I find that if I learn something new before a holiday, about the deeper meaning of the mitzvos we do on the Yom Tov, I feel much more connected.

Chanuka has a lot of depth to it. If you like to learn, you could pick up a Michtav miEliyahu or Sifsei Chaim and learn about Chanukah. Or you can read a nice English book or Sefer. There are tons of them.

I once learned that the lights of the Chanuka candles have the power to purify our souls, and therefor we should gaze at them. That's why we say after the lighting haneiros halalu: "these lights are holy, and we have no permission to use them, only to LOOK at them". From that point on, I felt differently about the lighting, and not that it was just a ritual to do. You can learn other deeper ideas on different aspects of the holiday, and it will help you enjoy it.

My teacher once compared this to watching an IMAX movie without the 3-d glasses or sound. You can watch the screen, but it's kind of annoying and confusing, and could give you a headache. But if you put the earphones and the 3d glasses on, you could enjoy the show and see the depth in it. Since you are sitting through it anyway, you may as well enjoy it. It's the same with doing all the mitzvos without actually seeing the depth and meaning behind every part of it.
Hope this helps!

zaq

Mon, Dec 15 2014, 8:18 pm

amother wrote:

Etky and amother, you got me! I'm not pyrophobic but it's something psycosomatic there as I grew up in non-observant home. Etky, it is about it being too simple.
Now what do we do?

Psychosomatic?
Psychosomatic means it shows up as physical symptoms when the cause is in the mind, like a person who breaks out in a rash before exams or gets a severe bellyache when he has to speak in public. Not liking something is not psychosomatic. Are you sure you don't mean just plain psychological?

greenfire

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 9:40 am

to love chanuka is to know chanuka

& yes it is a minhag by many not to do anything for 30 minutes while the candles are first lit [that's why people light longer candles or use more oil erev shabbos - so that it lasts the 30 minutes of a normal lighting time since we light earlier on fridays]

that being said ... sometimes one has to merely look into the miracles of yesteryear & realize that today we are part & parcel of the very same miracles ...

ויוציאם מצרה לרוחה ומאפלה לאורה ומשעבוד לגאולא

mille

Tue, Dec 16 2014, 10:04 am

OP, you keep demanding that we help you, but you have been insanely unclear about what your issue is. Now you've finally said it's that Chanukah is too "simple" and you want more mitzvot involved.

So get out there and do something! Chesed! Collect tzedakah! Give our menorahs and chanukah candles to Jewish families who might not be lighting and encourage them to do so! Make latkes and sufganiyot (or anything really) for the elderly and homebound! Visit some people who LIKE chanukah but must spend the holiday from the hospital bed! Go to shul, and daven, even during the week, even though you're not required to do so. Do something. And then thank God that you are on the giving end of these acts, not receiving end.

I don't get what your issue is here. You are primarily complaining that this 30 minute window of listening to the "same old same old" divrei torah is boring, after you light, and that there's nothing inspiring. Chanukah lasts 8 days and 8 nights, not just the 30 minutes around lighting each night. You can do plenty else to inspire yourself. And hey, you don't like the "same old same old" divrei torah? How about one night, YOU give a dvar torah. Really do your research. You will probably learn something new, which can be inspiring in and of itself, and then you can work on changing up the tradition a little to include other stories beyond the ones you always hear.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but people are trying to understand you and all you keep saying is "don't analyze me, HELP ME", but you don't really seem willing to help yourself (or even give us enough information to make thoughtful suggestions).

amother

Wed, Dec 17 2014, 6:30 am

OP
I've long found a cure, thank you very much. Yes I heard shiurim, leafed through books, et. even before you were harsh to me, mille. Telling what you would be more helpful than giving lectures about what I seemingly don't do although you have no idea about me and my lifestyle.
Now I'm enjoing Chanuka. Actually, couldn't wait for the fist light yesterday having prepared everything.
Especial thank you to those you understood me.