Kvetchy girls | Imamother

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Kvetchy girls

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amother

Maroon

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 10:51 am

they say that girls are more kvetchy than boys. I find that very true with my kids.
how do you deal with it? my daughter is 3. basically what I am trying now is that whenever she kvetches I tell her "I don't hear you. when you will say it nicely without kvetching I will hear you." it helps for the time being, but I don't see it improving the issue long term. I know she'll most probably grow out of it so I'm not so concerned but it can really get to me sometimes. would love to hear some practical ideas from mommys with the same issue.

yksraya

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 11:04 am

Many girls are like that and it's so normal at this age. Try ignoring it and do praise her when she asks nicely instead of nagging.

Remember it's only a phase, as annoying as it is and that we will all one day miss those days our kids were young!

Blessing1

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 12:40 pm

When my girls kvetch I answer them back kvetchy, they start giggling & tell me nicely what they wanted to say.

lfab

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 12:47 pm

OMG! I am following this thread closely. This could have been me posting. I have 4 girls and they are such whiners. Everything is said in a whiney tone of voice, even simple requests like asking for a drink. It drives me (and my husband even more so) crazy! I have tried the I can't hear you when your whining line but then they just start yelling and crying that I'm ignoring them (which they are right, I am). Would love any ideas for how to teach them to simply ask for or say things nicely. Not everything needs to be a whine/kvetch/shrill shriek! Also for mothers with older girls (my oldest is not yet 7) when does this phase end? At what age do they naturally grow out of the kvetching (if ever)?

amother

Maroon

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 1:00 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

When my girls kvetch I answer them back kvetchy, they start giggling & tell me nicely what they wanted to say.

op here, I tried this too. it drives her nuts! but her shining just gets louder and louder when I do that.

chani8

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 1:06 pm

We are girl dominant in my home and nobody whines because when spoken to, I try to drop everything and look at people and deal with the issue immediately.

I figured out how to prevent whining by observing other people's whining kids. A whining child looks 'checked out', with dull eyes, not making eye contact, usually trying to talk at a really busy mother. There is an obvious pattern of inattention between them.

Not judging! Just an observation.

chani8

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 1:07 pm

IOW, make eye contact and give immediate attention the very first time the child addresses you. A smile helps, too.

amother

Ivory

Tue, Dec 01 2015, 2:08 pm

I hear your point chani, and I do those things almost all the time.

My girls are young but kvetch a lot. Not for asking for things, but more " I don't want to get dressed" " I am so booooored" " I don't want to do my homewoooork"

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 3:48 am

Thats 100% true chanie, but there are times I cant stop everything and run. Dinner is extreamly hard. She will repest her request andwhine untill I respond to her. While I fill my other kids glass she will keep repeating "I also want more" I anwer your next but it usually doesnt help

Tel Tzion Ima

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 4:56 am

I totally agree with Chani.
And my kids kvetch.
And I think you have to try your best to answer right away, as often the first request is said nicely and kvetching starts after repeated, ignored requests. Then after a lot of kvetching they get your attention, which teaches them that it pays to kvetch.
Some kids are just more whinny than others.
Also, when my kids kvetch a lot, I try to self-evaluate how much I kvetch, bcse if I kvetch, them I'm setting a bad example. I can't expect them to stop kvetching until I stop kvetching.

Teomima

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 8:36 am

I don't put up with it. Which isn't to say it gets ignored. But I make it clear that it is an unacceptable form of communication and refuse to carry on such a conversation.
If the kvetch is regarding a repeated request I am unable to deal with at the moment, I ask my daughters, "which time did I hear you?" to which they recognize and respond, "the first time." Problem solved, I'll get to it when I get to it. (But make sure you do get to it)
If it's regarding a lack of interest in doing a task, like getting dressed or doing homework, I'll just say, "fine, then go to school on your pjs/fine, then you explain to your teacher why your homework isn't done." End of conversation. (Be willing to commit!)
If it's because they want something but really can do it themselves (even a preschooler with a stool can refill their own water, for example), my response is simply, "you want water? No problem, go get water."
I don't ignore them, but I don't condone the whining. They learn independence. It's a win-win situation.
For record, in absolute worse case scenarios, I will simply tell them you do NOT talk to your Ima that way and they will go to time out of it happens again. Hardly ever does.

Ruchel

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 10:54 am

Nah. It's not always mommy's fault. Sometimes from start the kvetching is there.

"I don't understand when you whine".

ra_mom

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 12:48 pm

Someone I know has 7 young girls ka"h. She's known to say "girls color and kvetch, kvetch and color". Tongue Out

We have a girls house too. Lots of this going on Wink

be good

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 12:52 pm

"DD, can you repeat that in a STRONG VOICE, so I can hear what you are asking me?"

Wed, Dec 02 2015, 1:49 pm

Whining/kvetching proliferates if rewarded. Giving the child what she wants, including attention, after she starts kvetching will only make it worse.

As inconvenient as it may be, chani8's advice is spot-on. Depending on the age and the need of the child, addressing the issue immediately may involve reminding the child to wait a few minutes until it is her turn for Mommy's full attention. The grown-up is still the boss.

I also found that dd copied the behavior of certain other children. It is normal for kids (and adults, too!) to try out different ways. I simply told her not to; the same rules still apply at home regardless of what Plonit may like to do. Behavior modification requires total consistency on the part of the parent, but it pays off.

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