I need help with this one please!

amother

Wed, May 16 2007, 9:20 am

dh and I are known for being super over=protective parents.thats the way we are .we can't help it & we don't want to change.we like it this way.dd is 9 yeard old.she is invited to a sleep over bday party by a class mate.we know some stories in the family (some bad ones!)...that we do not want her to sleep there!we told her we will pick her up at midnight when the party is over and just before they about to sleep so she can sleep home.so she tells me her friend will think and tell her she is a baby.
What do we do/
how can we get out of this?
We will not let her sleep there but we want her to feel good!

greenfire

Wed, May 16 2007, 9:25 am

either the family is so bad you shouldn't let her go ... or they are not that bad that it doesn't make a difference once you let her go when you pick her up ... I am confused ... which is it?!?! how could there be a middle ground here?!

madys

Wed, May 16 2007, 9:27 am

I know exactly how you feel - my oldest is 8, and we are also super overprotective. There are some girls in her class that we don't like, but we can't tell her who to choose as friends.

We hope that we raised her well, and that she will make good age appropriate decisions that we have taught her.

Her teachers say that she is a very good girl in school and doesn't get involved in a lot of the cattyness that goes on between the girls, and that she is very grounded. This shows me that we have taught her well, and she can be trusted with the girls we are not so happy with.

Sometimes, you just need to let her go.

Imagine how she'll feel when back at school everyone is talking about her?

I was teased a lot as a kid, and I promised myself I would do the best not to let that happen to my kids.

Good luck with this dilema, I'm sure the decision will not be an easy one to make.

HindaRochel

Wed, May 16 2007, 9:28 am

That is tough.
She might just have to accept that she can't sleep there.

Perhaps you can have something else special for her going on at home or somewhere special to take her the next day? Then she can tell them; well, I would stay but my Ima wants me to get up extra early so I can only stay till midnight... I don't know it is something special...she is so sorry but she couldn't change things."

Then go on a family outing the next day, even if it means messing up on work or something.

But she might simply have to accept the situation.
Do have something special waiting at home for her.

amother

Wed, May 16 2007, 3:11 pm

justanothermother wrote:

What could happen while sleeping that would not be an issue before midnight?

This girl has a father ,an uncle and a grandfather.
I have heard some horrible stories there...so I will not let my daughter sleep there.
they WILL NOT be at the party during the evening!

Imaonwheels

Sun, May 27 2007, 6:32 am

If the stories are like they sound, I would not let my child go there at all. I am not a super protective at all and my kids often have friends here and sleep elsewhere.

I agree if a prob is so bad she can't sleep over I would not let her go at all. The worse thing is to be different and 'baby'. Better to make an excuse even.

I do pick my kids friends with no shame at all, esp when they are young. Teenagers you can't control but a 9 yr old can be talked to. BTW, the best most solid kid should not ever be totally relied on for long periods. Not that they will fall but other things can happen. My ds#1 was considered to be the perfect roomate for boys who might be a bad influence on other boys. Result: He never got a good roomate or chavrusa all through yeshiva. He was always expected to help weaker or borderline kids. He had no chance to be a regular student.

morningstar

Sun, May 27 2007, 10:30 am

If you are uncomfortable with your child in the house (but this is based on hearsay, not evidence), I would strongly suggest not allowing your child to go to the party at all. Graciously decline the invitation, and arrange something else ( family visit, etc.) for that evening.

southernbubby

Sun, May 27 2007, 11:22 am

I saw a tip recently for arming children with dealing with others who criticize their families policies. Teach the child to say, "these are my parent's rules. If you don't approve of them you are free to discuss this with my parents." If you have a rule about sleepovers, you don't have to cave into pressure to discard your rule. I substitute in schools and the Russian children at the Hebrew school all tell me that they never sleep in other peoples homes. Russian parents uniformly say no to sleepovers.