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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
momtra
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 Tue, Feb 09 2016, 9:13 pm
We send our children to a school whose hashkafah overall matches ours, and that generally has a good approach to things in terms of social/emotional appropriateness. However, there is something that my daughters often repeat from their teachers and principals wether it's a lesson from pasha, or story relating to a middah - and that is to be mevater. For example, my daughter came home with a sticker that she got at a Rosh Chodesh assembly today that said " Be Selfless, not selfish" I get the importance of the concept and all, but how do you teach your children the balance of standing firm for themselves on the one hand and giving in to others, and which trumps which in different situations?
Any insights/ideas?
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75
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Tue, Feb 09 2016, 11:14 pm
If your children see you taking care of your needs first, and making sure you honestly take care of yourself, then I wouldn't worry.
These are more learned behaviors from modeling from the parents.
If the child is one who doesn't know how to be selfish enough, then you need to explain the priorities of self, family, friends, strangers, etc.
Also, when chances to be mevater at the wrong time come up for you, make sure to verbalize what the dilemma may be.
I.e. Usually, when sister calls during bath time, you just ignore the call. Now, you say, "oh, yenti must really need to talk to me. Maybe I should be mevater, and push off bathtime by ten minutes. No, I won't because if I do that, it will be harder for me to get my kids to sleep tonight. It is more important for me to get my kids to sleep, than to listen to what yenti wants to tell me right now."
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