Help me not be angry

amother

Ginger

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 9:09 pm

I don't know if this should go in the Shalom Bayis forum or this one so here goes.

I've been married for 2 and a half years. Prior to my marriage I did not own a single credit card and while I was living paycheck to paycheck I breathed easy knowing I had no debt.

During our engagement my husband suggested we open a credit card for miles as his parents live out of town and we have to fly to see them. I was hesitant but agreed. Then he wanted to open a different credit card for hotel points. Again I was hesitant but end up agreeing.

Fast forward almost 3 years and were in $13,000 worth of debt. I HATE IT. My once amazing credit score is now down the drain. I have tried constantly to budget and get my husband to budget but he simply does not understand the concept. This debt is such a huge burden and I literally feel weighed down by it.

1. How do I stop blaming or holding a grudge against my husband for this?
2. Can anyone who has gotten out of major debt before give me some chizzuk?

amother

White

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 9:24 pm

That is really rough. I know how it feels to be in debt. I was really lucky my father in law helped us during some rough times, like when we just bough a house and I had to take an unpaid maternity leave, it felt like I needed to buy stuff for the baby, and the stress of the debt was killing me. I do think I would have paid it off eventually but was so grateful for his help.

I use my credit card for all purchases, because I like the rewards and good credit. During those times of debt, because I did pay it off, my credit is still good. Just decide how much you can pay each month and slowly chip away at it. They are not looking for perfect scores, but for reliability.

This is a terrible thing to go through, but it will pass, and please don't let it ruin things in your relationship!

My husband and I do both have separate bank accounts and we are each responsible for separate bills. Our names are on both accounts, but it is a little easier to know how much is in our accounts and what we are responsible for.

Hope this helps!

amother

Ruby

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 9:38 pm

My husband racked up 50 000$ in debt, mostly tzeddakah! My credit was destroyed and our finances were in serious jeopardy. I did not want to lose my shalom bayis too. I slowly took control of our finances. It is now several years later and we are nearing the end of the tunnel. My husband is grateful that I do our budget and pay the bills. There was no need for accusations and harsh words, he knows he messed us up and we have grown from the experience.

amother

Purple

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 9:48 pm

Question op- where is this debt coming from? Married life is more expensive than single life. Is your husband taking on debt to pay the rent and buy food or is he buying fancy suits and electronics?

allthingsblue

Thu, Mar 17 2016, 10:20 pm

I think you should see a financial adviser/ counselor so someone "in the know" can talk sense to your husband. Not blaming him and not being angry is all very nice and dandy, but the debt needs to stop now.