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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
amother
Mustard
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:04 pm
What is the protocol with regard to the above question? Does it matter if one side wanted the divorce and the other didn't?
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amother
Seashell
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:34 pm
When I got divorced, it was expected that we would return all the jewellery and presents he gave me and his side would returned all the presents that we gave him. I was very upset about giving back the jewellery, especially the rings. We actually got them valued and we found out that all the jewellery he gave me was CZ and not real gold like they had kept telling me. After that, I found it much easier to give them back.
Off topic but my therapist at the time told me to go and buy myself a ring and pearls that I liked and I found it very healing.
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cnc
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:36 pm
Ooc, why would someone want to have a remembrance of a marriage gone wrong?
Would you have actually kept the jewelry or sold it?
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Tirza
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:43 pm
I don't think that you should return it. If an engagement is broken then it's appropriate to return the engagement ring. But that's not the case here. You were married, and that ring is yours. There is no "protocol" when it comes to divorce. Don't agree to give the ring back. Keep it and when you are ready, sell it and keep the cash.
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justforfun87
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:48 pm
I believe that the law states that you have a right to keep the engagement ring.
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out-of-towner
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Sun, May 22 2016, 7:55 pm
I thought that the whole original purpose of an engagement ring (and all engagement jewlery) was for the woman to be able to have access to assets in case she was in a position that she needed to get away. Kind of like protection for the woman.
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Amarante
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Sun, May 22 2016, 8:07 pm
Law and etiquette are that a married woman doesn't have to return engagement ring but does if the engagement is broken.
This is because an engagement ring isn't actually a gift but is contingent on the marriage.
Many women have the stone reset or theoretically could give to their child.
I don't know why gifts would be returned by either bride or groom after marriage unless there was some kind of fraud or unusual circumstances like a very brief marriage.
If the ring was an heirloom from the husbands side, I think it should be returned but I think the value of the ring should be part of the split of assets so the woman is given a credit but I think most people don't have Liz Taylor type of stones that are worth huge amounts of money so I would suspect that it would be a case by case kind of thing.
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amother
Apricot
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Sun, May 22 2016, 8:16 pm
I've heard in non Jewish circles that if he initiated the divorce, the wife gets to keep the ring. If she initiates it, the wife returns it to him.
In my case we returned the ring, and all gifts to each other when we went for the get.
My husband and his ex kept all their gifts, but they were married for longer.
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amother
Emerald
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Sun, May 22 2016, 8:16 pm
When I got divorced, he let me keep it all- I sold everything when I needed the money
ETA-I was married for 15 years
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amother
Coffee
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Sun, May 22 2016, 10:01 pm
I was married 22 years and he left me. You bet I kept the ring.
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groisamomma
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Sun, May 22 2016, 10:16 pm
I haven't been there but if I ever am you can bet I'm not giving one thing back. If I can't have it he can't either. Especially where there are kids involved and liquidating these assets will help pay for camp and other not-so-extras that would normally be luxuries.
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amother
Amber
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Mon, May 23 2016, 7:59 am
My sister, married half a year, gave it to a hachnasas kallah gemach. A necklace from an old boyfriend too. They were thrilled.
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amother
Orchid
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Mon, May 23 2016, 8:37 am
I returned all my jewellery to my ex and he didn't give me anything back. His watch was probably more expensive than all my jewellery all together.
I also left most of my belongings and he never gave me access to them.
The things I miss the most are all my childhood pictures. I wonder what he did with them but haven't heard from him for years.
Also knowing I will never be able to show my oldest child his baby pics.
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amother
Slateblue
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Mon, May 23 2016, 9:54 am
Anon because this is a unique story that my friends know.
I was on a message board called "survivinginfidelity.com" and a bunch of us decided to put our wedding bands in the salvation army "pushka" on a certian day before xmas. It was nation wide and the story was a huge news story.
My engagement ring was worth a lot - it was a family stone on his side. Not huge at all, not even a carot, but a rare cut. I desperately needed the money and wanted to sell it. His mother was holding it for me (thats a story in itself) so when I asked her for it, to sell, she just paid me what it was insured to be worth.
These things are the wifes property, legally and Halachically. Protocol is stupid.
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shiaeisen
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 5:02 pm
According to the civil courts, the jewelry that was given to the wife is her property and is kept by the wife.
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amother
Scarlet
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 8:55 pm
I would totally keep the ring. He gave it to me, as a gift. And it's gorgeous -- a one of kind estate piece.
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ellacoe
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 9:25 pm
Rochelle1 wrote: | According to the civil courts, the jewelry that was given to the wife is her property and is kept by the wife. |
Actually only the engagement is the wife's to keep, because it was a gift given to her before the marriage. All other jewelry is supposed to be split as joint property, just as any other assets are. People often come to their own arrangements regarding these things, but that is how it is usually ruled in court.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 9:36 pm
I was told by the Dayanim at the Beit Din that I don't return the ring, but he had already taken it. I decided not to make a fuss.
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amother
Burlywood
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Sun, Dec 17 2017, 10:53 pm
I still have the wedding band but would feel terrible returning it, b/c that would make him so sad. I left but I don't have to make him feel worse now about it- what's the point of that.
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amother
Powderblue
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Mon, Dec 18 2017, 3:32 am
I gave back all my jewelry and leichter (to his parents), and he gave back all the silver gifts and watch.
When I got engaged again, I traded them in for a new watch and siver becher...
When my daughter got engaged, her grandparents gave her the same oil leichter they had given me.
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