My dd is a screamer

amother

Emerald

Sat, Nov 05 2016, 3:58 pm

We have a rule that the kid can scream and cry as much as they want, as long as they do it in another room, away from everyone else.

Tell this to your kid in advance (when she's calm) that it is unpleasant for the rest of you when she cries and screams, but you understand that she has strong emotions and it's okay if she wants to cry; so in order to meet everyone's needs the next time she screams for more than a minute or two, you will tell her that you see that she is feeling X (sad, mad, frustrated, dispappointed, hurt, etc) and that she can cry for 1 more minute in the room she's in, and then if she feels that she needs to cry and scream more then that's ok but she'll have to do it in another room (and she can do whatever she wants there - read, hug a stuffed animal, scream into a pillow, jump up and down, etc - it's not a punishment), or if she is ready to calm down then she can stay in the room with everyone else. This is really good because it teaches your daughter to self regulate - either she calms down quickly or she goes to her room and calms down there. Self-regulation is a really important tool for sensitive kids, and one that they need to be taught like this. And naming her emotion to her helps her identify it, which is helpful in her understanding her emotions and learning how to handle them.

I also periodically sit down and 'brainstorm' with my daughter about ways she can express her sadness, anger, frustration, etc. without screaming her head off. So now, when she's upset, she cries "I'm sad, I'm sad" or when she's mad she screams "I'm angry at you, I'm angry at you!". Which is still annoying, but she has the presence of mind to at least tell us how she's feeling while she's sad, and sometimes tells us instead of crying or screaming. This seems to be a long process, but I realize that she doesn't have the tools to express her emotions, and so working it out when she's calm (over and over again) helps it sink in and give her the tools.

It works well for us. Our daughter usually opts to cry in her bed, but it usually doesn't last for more than 2-3 minutes (who wants to cry alone?). And recently she has started being able to calm herself down within a minute (though she usually doesn't do this).

I can't wait for my daughter to stop crying over everything. . . But I think it's improving.